driedupfish Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 My cousin is 25, couple of years older than me, and he is going to marry this girl whom he had a crush on ever since the first year of his college year. My cousin and I are very close, years before he often complained to me about how this girl never paid any attention to him but goes out with the assh****, the typical bad boy versus good guy crap. My advice to him then was to just forget about her and go after the nice girl. Years later, up about 9 months ago, they started dating. She is now a single mother with 2 kids, but the father of the children is not in her life. I was really annoyed now that all he talks about is her; about how good she is and such. He actually made a comment about how lucky he is consider back then he would never have a chance with her in college. Dude, I used to look up to you! You are her second fiddle, consider her ex-boyfriend hadn't knocked her up and left her, you wouldn't have a chance. It took her 8 YEARS to realize that you are worth dating? The following comic strip pretty much sums up the situation. http://abstrusegoose.com/50 I got that women don't necessary want a bad boy, they want someone with an edge, confidence. I am just pissed off at his lack of self-esteem, that he couldn't do any better. But I didn't say any of these to him though...I don't think I am going to bring present for their wedding though.
sb129 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 So what you are basically saying is people shouldn't get a chance to realise their mistakes or change their mind? One shot and thats it? People change over time- their priorities can change, they mature, they can start out looking for one thing in a relationship in their 20s and want something totally different in their 30s. Its called "life", and if the two people in question are happy, why do you care so much? If you were my cousin and that was your attitude, I wouldn't even bother inviting you TO the wedding.
Author driedupfish Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Okay, maybe I was being too judgment, but bear in mind that he's like a real brother to me. Back then when we were roommates in college, he used to do so many things for her, and she constantly flirts with him but had never gone out with a date her. This makes me think how can he be so naive not realizing that he is being led on and used. I told him to just forget about her and find a nice girl. A person may change, but they don't change completely. Let's take an evolutionary view at this, women wants to dominant man. In dating phrase, the so called "bad boys" exude that dominance, they are not necessary bad, they just have the confidence that shy guys don't. In the latter stage, when women have kids, they want the men who can provide the stable life to her and the kids, and most likely, the nerd above would most likely enable that. Thus dating the bad boys marry the nice guy. Of course this don't apply to all women. Does anyone here besides me that thinks this is unfair?
sb129 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I think its not really any of your business. The unfortunate thing about your friends and family, is even if they are making what you believe to be mistakes, you can't stop them. Why do you care so much?
Author driedupfish Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 edit: not women want to dominant men, I meant to type, women wants a dominant men.
Author driedupfish Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Why do I care so much? Didn't I make it clear enough that he is family? We are talking about marriage here, consider that more than 50% in the US fail. I just don't want him to get hurt.
sb129 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 So what? The dominant man/ woman business is irrelevant. While its nice you don't want to see your cousin get hurt, its HIS life.
sb129 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 My brother is engaged to a total psychopath nutcase, but there is nothing I can do about it. I have expressed my disapproval to the point where its boring to me and its boring to him. Its his life, and if he wants to throw it away on that fruitcake thats up to him. I will still be his sister at the end of it, and will support him. OUR relationship shouldn't be affected by her, and by and large, it isn't.
Author driedupfish Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Thing is, I am not sure if I should tell him what I thought about this, they've only dated for 9 months! According to you though I should just stay out of their business. I have not told him what I thought about this yet
Author driedupfish Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 I have a gut feeling that she is just an opportunist. He is marrying her for the wrong reason.
sb129 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 You probably should. Hey man, I know how you feel (see above). But honestly truly, you can't change peoples minds about their relationships. You can't do anything about it if you think they are with the wrong person. If you interfere too much, all that will achieve is friction between you and your cousin.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 People are going to do what they want to do and it doesn't matter what anybody around them says to the contrary unless you have magical powers of mind control. Case in point: I was stupid - married a man 15 years my elder with a really bad track record. My family did NOT want this. They wouldn't shut up about it, guess what happened? They got cut out of my life when I decided to marry him anyway. They ended up back in my life before my marriage went south. Thankfully, they accepted me back and loved me in spite of what happened. I saw a friend getting ready to marry a guy and I had this GUT REACTION that they would not make it. I kept my mouth shut because I knew she'd get mad at me and probably stop speaking to me. 2 years later, they got divorced, but I still got to keep my friend. A good friend of mine's brother was "madly in love" and wanting to marry this total tramp. She had a VERY bad track record (failed marriages, children from each - fathers in each case had full custody). There was photographic evidence all over her Myspace as to what a ho she was. He married her anyway. My friend tried to tell him no, but let him live his life anyway. Oh, guess what - one child and a divorce later, her brother learned his lesson. I've seen case after case after case - you can express your feelings about what somebody is choosing to do, but then GET OUT OF THE WAY. Do not begrudge them the choice to follow their feelings. People learn lessons how they choose to learn lessons. If you push too hard, you'll push them out of your life.
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