dealing with breakup when you are the one breaking up with the other person

[addidas]

how do you cope with feeling guilty when you are breaking up with someone you have been dating?

 

I've recently been seeing a girl for like 2 weeks. it was intense, we were hanging out all day like everyday. lots of sex and going to places. it was a lot of fun and she is a great person. we both have a great time hanging out with eachother.

 

but she has been calling me nonstop everyday, checking up on me, and asking me how I am, what I have been doing and wanting to hangout..

 

I sort of need my space. Afterall I did have a life before I met her and friends that I was hanging out with prior to the start of our relationship.

 

So Today she popped the question, and asked me if we were like Boyfriend/girlfriend, and I told her I Don't know, that I am a little overwhelmed.. The truth is, she knows I like hanging out with her. I just need some space and see other people. I am not ready for a monogamous relationship with her but don't want to end our relationship either. Maybe this is selfish, but I would be happy with a friends with benefits relationship with her.

 

Does anyone have any advice or words of experience for this situation?

[D-Lish]

I'd be straight up with her. Tell her what you have stated here. You don't want a serious relationship.

 

When she asked if you were boyfriend and girlfriend, you dodged the truth. You might think you were saving her feelings- but you're only stringing her along.

 

If she wants something more serious, the mature thing to do is to break up with her. It wouldn't be fair of you to expect a friends with benefits relationship when she is obviously looking for something more.

[boogieboy]

I think you can get your space without breaking up with her. YOu like her until she started calling too much. Tell her straight up, "you have been calling too much. I want to be with you, but you are smothering me. Just take it down a notch, I want to still be able to hang out with my friends, and we will still be together, just not every single day."

 

The problem was that you started this behavior. You were supposed to take it slow and you let it go too far. You might even be able to slow down the days of hanging out, but you dont have to break her heart. If you still want to be with her, dont break it off, just be straight up with her and assure her youre not seeing anyone esle. She will appreciate the truth.

[addidas]

also another thing I would like to mention is that she has been calling me everyday asking me how I am, what I'm doing, and wanting to hangout. Is this normal for you people that are in the beginning phase of a monogamous relationship?

 

It's been awhile for me since the last time I was in a monogamous relationship, but I don't recall my last girlfriend ever called me this much. This worries me a little, as these signs point to an obsessive compuslive personality. Should I be worried?

[boogieboy]

Its not obsessive compulsive shes just needy, but like i said before, you created this by seeing her so much in the beginning, making her think this is the way you like it. So now you have to clean this up. Call her up and straighten it out already.

[sugarmomma]

Just be honest with her and tell her you just want to slow it down. Now if you want to see other people you should also tell her. That way she is fully informed as to what it is that you want.

 

It's not that difficult. Just talk to her and be honest. Don't ignore the problem, that only makes things worse.

[stace79]

It sounds like you just need to let her go, period. I was sympathetic to you until you mentioned "friends with benefits'. If you just want to screw around with a girl, but nothing else, then be honest and give her the opportunity to save herself from you.

 

She wants more than that based on what you are saying. So the only mature and kind thing to do is let her go because you don't have an interest in dating her; only sleeping with her.

 

By the way, how old are you guys? Two weeks of dating and you're having sex every day?

[Phateless]

Needy, insecure, probably going to be emotionally high-maintenance. Does she call you multiple times or just once and then wait for your call?

 

If she's calling every day, that's one thing, but if she's blowing you up without you even returning her call, that's another.

[BCCA]

I just need some space and see other people

 

Honestly, I would take you more serious if you would try and be more upfront. You like having sex with this girl, but you obviously dont want to date her. If you were falling for her, she wouldnt be able to call you enough, but because youre looking at this as a FWB, you only want to talk when it involves meeting up.

 

I am not ready for a monogamous relationship with her but don't want to end our relationship either

 

Of course not, youre getting laid with no relationship, what guy wants to give that up? Lets get serious though, you dont want to date HER, it has nothing to do with being ready for a monogamous relationship.

 

Maybe this is selfish

 

It is, terribly. Just remember, what goes around...

 

but I would be happy with a friends with benefits relationship with her.

 

I think you know this is never going to fly, but if you want to be a decent guy, tell her this straight up. I get the feeling youre just leading her on for your own good right now, and not only is that a terrible thing to do, its really a waste of both of your time.

 

You can get laid elsewhere, from women who dont think theyre going to be your girlfriend. Dont do this selfish crap any more.