WhyYesThankYou Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I got a very short email today, and I can't figure out how to reply. "I need to talk with a person who has both intellect and passion. Is that you? Yes or no. Simple question! " He says it's a yes-or-no, simple question. Maybe it's just because I'm the reigning Queen of Over-Analysis, but I don't think it's all that easy. This is a guy I was friends with 10+ years ago; we hung out a lot, but I was dating someone else at the time. Lost touch, got back in contact recently, are living on opposite sides of the planet. I think he's (okay, we're) kind of fishing around, trying to see if our chatting is friendly or more. He says it's a simple question, so I guess I should provide a simple answer, and suppress my instinctive urge to write back with a thesis. Here are some ideas I've come up with for a reply. Please vote/comment or suggest your own: Absolutely. :-) What's up?Depends... what're you looking for someone to be intellectual and passionate about?I think you already know the answer to that, which is why you emailed me in the first place. Unless this is a bulk email you sent to everyone in your contacts list. ;-)
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 I like 3. Y'reckon? I feel silly obsessing over such a short email, but my illustrious dating/flirting history has shown that I don't always tend to make the best decisions in this sort of thing, even when people overtly state that a question is a "simple" one. Which is why I'm asking you guys. So... what do you like about #3? (I'd like to learn something from this so that hopefully in the future I'll be able to answer "simple questions" on my own.)
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 Was this through some sort of online dating service? Nope, it's a guy I met IRL over 10 years ago. I know him as a real live person. We're just mainly emailing now because of the geographic distance. We phone/Skype when the time difference permits. It's just a little email he sent that has me stumped for a "good" response.
Mahatma Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I like #3, mostly because it seems that is the truth haha.
westrock Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 His question is actually kinda lame... everyone has intellect and passion about something. The answer to these types of questions should always be yes. Don't make it complicated. He's asking a straightforward question. Give him a straightforward answer. He's not asking for a thesis response. #1 is the most straightforward answer. It's simple and clear plus asks him for more information. #2 is avoiding the question until he gives you more info. It's as if depending on what he says, you might say yes or no. Whether you have intellect and passion should not depend on the circumstances behind his question. Your intellect and passion is independent of him. #3 is avoiding the question by throwing it back at him. If he already knew the answer he wouldn't be asking the question.
DarkestDreams Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I say it's a dumb question, especially since it's coming from someone who's known you for 10+ years. Basically, he's asking if you're "worthy enough" and setting the bar up to see if you'll jump. #1 says "yes, sir, how high?", #2 is asking for clarification and since he thinks he asked a witty question, he expects a witty answer. I vote for #3, throwing it back at him. Of course, I would rephrase it "I think you already know the answer to that, which is why you emailed me in the first place. The real question is ...are you? :-)". But that's just me.
Art_Critic Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Absolutely. :-) What's up?Depends... what're you looking for someone to be intellectual and passionate about?I think you already know the answer to that, which is why you emailed me in the first place. Unless this is a bulk email you sent to everyone in your contacts list. ;-) None of these are yes or no answers..
paddington bear Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Agreed. Just write 'yes' and press send. He's probably dying for you to respond so he can tell you whatever it is on his mind. Kind of funny to say 'no' though - which I think would result in him telling you what's on his mind anyway!
Cherished Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Definitely #3. He should know the answer if he's known you for 10 years.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 Thanks for all your responses - It's actually reassuring to know that other people have taken apart his question and my answer and come up with lots of different "answers" or ways of thinking about it. So I'm not the only one who thinks about his motivation for asking such a ... weird question, and about the possible implications of my various replies. Your answers - and thanks again for giving a preference and your line of reasoning! - highlight the main internal debate I'm having. Do I simply state the obvious, which is yes, thereby demonstrating that I can give a simple yes-or-no answer and don't have to get all complicated on him, or do I engage in whatever flirtation/game he seems to want to set up (based on his odd question)? I kind of just want to say (#1) yes, what's up, because that shows I can be straightforward. #3, on the other hand, shows that I won't just answer to his beck-and-call, and that I don't think his question about whether I have intellect and passion is even valid (because of course I do). Hmm, as I type this, I'm getting annoyed by his question. It's out of character for him. I don't know where it's come from, which is why it's so hard to know how to respond.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 Ooooh, ooh ooh! How about this? It's a hybrid of #1 and #3, which I shall call: #4. Does this achieve straightforwardness, coupled with a bit of a, "What the heck sort of a question was that, anyway?" 4. The answer to your question, of course, is yes. I think you already knew that, which is why you emailed me in the first place. Unless this is a bulk email you sent to everyone in your contacts list. ;-) What's up?
mammax3 Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I agree with many of the others. Kind of a check to see how jumpy you'll be to him. I too think it'd be funny to say No, it's not me. But if you're looking to continue with this guy... then maybe not. Writing a a few lines to his 'simple' question may not be the best response. Yes... conveys the sense of 'of course' and 'what's up?' I liked your initial Yes, What's up? the best. Short, direct, obvious. Let us know what you chose!
Art_Critic Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Ooooh, ooh ooh! How about this? It's a hybrid of #1 and #3, which I shall call: #4. Does this achieve straightforwardness, coupled with a bit of a, "What the heck sort of a question was that, anyway?" 4. The answer to your question, of course, is yes. I think you already knew that, which is why you emailed me in the first place. Unless this is a bulk email you sent to everyone in your contacts list. ;-) What's up? What's wrong with answering yes or no ? You are most definitely over analyzing this...
2sunny Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 only reply "yes" any additional words can be misconstrued as too wordy and overly analytical - which you already admit as a character defect. so, don't go there! keep any answers short... four words or less to be to the point and still getting a clear message across to his question. FOUR words or less... to any question. can you do that?
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 FOUR words or less... to any question. can you do that? But, "yes": too subservient? (high-fives self for being so economical with words and rising to the challenge of a four-word response) Again, it's the tension you're all identifying between just a simple yes, which is elegant and what he asked for, and shows I can just say "yes" or "no." But I worry that just saying yes will make me look like a doormat, an idiot who thinks that question even deserves an answer. And - seriously - what the hell is up with his question? Why didn't he just come out and tell or ask me whatever he wanted to? This preamble question seems to be, in some ways, inviting a game. (Which, Art Critic, is why I guess I'm spending so much time thinking about it. It seems like asking an unnecessary question "Can I talk to you?" and calling it simple really means anything but.) Gah, it's moments like these I just want to give up on boys (and people in general) and go surround myself with philosophy books and a hot chocolate and only consider the existential questions of men long dead.
Shygirl15 Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I say it's a dumb question, especially since it's coming from someone who's known you for 10+ years. I agree. Geez, how old is he?
IcemanJB Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Y'reckon? I feel silly obsessing over such a short email, but my illustrious dating/flirting history has shown that I don't always tend to make the best decisions in this sort of thing, even when people overtly state that a question is a "simple" one. Which is why I'm asking you guys. So... what do you like about #3? (I'd like to learn something from this so that hopefully in the future I'll be able to answer "simple questions" on my own.) It sounds honest and funny at the same time. Good combo.
paddington bear Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 "I need to talk with a person who has both intellect and passion. Is that you? Yes or no. Simple question! " Ok, alternatively you could reply: 1) How amazing! What a coincidence, it just so happens that I too need to talk with a person who has both intellect and passion. Is that you? Yes or no? ; ) 2) The intellectual side of my brain is trying to figure out what is the meaning of your question, however my passionate side wants to throw caution to the winds and answer your simple question with a yes or no answer. (I like number 2 because you've answered his question, while pretending not to answer it...since you don't seem to be going for the simple 'yes' answer..!)
best_arrow Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 His question is actually kinda lame... everyone has intellect and passion about something. The answer to these types of questions should always be yes. Don't make it complicated. He's asking a straightforward question. Give him a straightforward answer. He's not asking for a thesis response. #1 is the most straightforward answer. It's simple and clear plus asks him for more information. #2 is avoiding the question until he gives you more info. It's as if depending on what he says, you might say yes or no. Whether you have intellect and passion should not depend on the circumstances behind his question. Your intellect and passion is independent of him. #3 is avoiding the question by throwing it back at him. If he already knew the answer he wouldn't be asking the question. i am agree with u
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 It sounds honest and funny at the same time. Good combo. I agree that honest and funny is a good combo, and is what I'm most aiming to convey. So, I'm leaning towards #3 for that reason, and also because IcemanJB is writing from Madison, WI, where there are a lot of smart people. I don't know what it is - maybe intelligence just oozes out of the university there and spreads throughout the town - but everyone I know from Madison is bloody smart. I like Paddington Bear's ideas, too, though... I think I'll sit on it for a little while longer and see if any other stellar options occur to me or to you. Then I'll announce the winner of "Reply Idol."
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 i am agree with u All your bases are belong to us. This guy is a cheeseball (the guy that wrote the email). I would have a hard time not just ignoring the damn thing. I have no idea why this kind of thing irritates me - I'd rather people didn't play games with me. It would be clear based on the email that we weren't compatible and I wouldn't write back at all.
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