cowboys1 Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Alright, well my gf (well now X gf) i guess you could say mutually broke up a week ago. Our 2 year is in a week and were going out of the country in a few days (tickets we booked while we were together). So after doing some investigating, she has been giving her number out to guys at the bar and has been talking to a guy from a wedding we just recently went too.... And quote, "the only reason i brought him was because i didn't want to be the only single one here," ........you serious? She has been getting very short with me lately, sex has gone down, and seems like she is just bored....... She tells me that her heart isn't into the relationship anymore and she took her heart back from me. She then proceeds to tell me that if her heart wasn't into the relationship then she wouldnt be giving her number out to people at the bar; regardless if she was drunk.... Then also says she needs to love herself before she can love me and needs to find out why she has been treating me like garbage lately... And also says that i can do much better than her..... WTF? Then a few nights later she says when we go out of town it will be great....remember i love you... I mean whats going on? Any insight on this?? I think there may be someone else but am unsure... Thanks guys!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 The writing is on the F-ing wall. move on dude. She's lying and cheating, what more proof do you want because you know in your gut what's going on.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 She's not necessarily cheating. Don't read peoples interpretations of your story as fact. She may very well be....however people can do a lot of rubbish to you, without ever actually cheating. Thats whats confusing - because all the 'signs' are there, but they don't seem to be leading to much. She claims she needs to 'find herself' but yet seems to be doing so THROUGH other men. She may be one of these women who defines herself by men. As such she is craving attention from them (the numbers and the date). If she leaves you to find herself only by relating to other men, then she is truly finding herself, just jumping from man to man and using how they respond or react to her as the benchmark for how she sees herself. I don't understand the 'I don't deserve you part'. That could be quite telling. Perhaps she is genuinely confused about who she is (not that this excuses her treatment of you) however she may be using that as an excuse to get a way out.
boogieboy Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 The "i dont deserve you" and "needs to find herself" part is her cowardly way of breaking it off so she can try out new guys. I have YET to see a post where a woman said "I am breaking it off and you cannot contact me" She got bored with you and wants to move on. Best thing you can do is to break concact with her for at least a month. That will give her a chance to miss you. I can already see where this is going, she will keep you on a leash for her emotional support, dont give it to her! If you cant ignore her (which will drive her nuts) then you'll get into the game zone, which isnt healthy. Act like you dont care. DOnt answer any of her calls, ignore most of her texts, act like you dont need her and youre too busy. Be careful, she will use sweet talk tactics to get your attention, but it doesnt mean she will want you back. This is most likely over, dont dwell on it.
skreen23 Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Don't mind the "she humping half the country" posts here. Not sure how they come to that conclusion without knowing the girl and only getting a brief paragraph of your situation. Some of the language she used is similar to language my ex(maybe) used. I know as a fact that she has very low self esteem (brought up before the last few years, going to counscelling) and this was a factor in our break. She said she came to believe there was something wrong with me for loving her. She may be flirting with other guys to boost her ego and she may genuinely believe she doesn't deserve you. Give her space and don't go chasing her, i repeat don't go chasing.
boogieboy Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Don't mind the "she humping half the country" posts here. Not sure how they come to that conclusion without knowing the girl and only getting a brief paragraph of your situation. Its because that is always the situation if you read any similar posts on this board. Its always the same. Girl gives lame excuse for breakup...typically "im not good enuf for you, I need to find myself, Its not you its me" Then days later, the poster finds out his girl was seeing someone a month before she broke up with him. Read around, its typical behavior, backed up with case studies of constant posts of the same thing on this board.
Author cowboys1 Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 Thanks for the insight guys & girls... I appreciate it... See what sucks is that we purchased tickets to go to mexico a few months back with her sister and sister's bf; which we will be going to next Thursday... There has not really been that much contact, but she knows i know what she wants... Honestly, thats cool... I've been out doin my own thing and not even remembering her.... I don't believe that she out humping the world, bc i'm the 2nd person she has slept with.... I know there isn't a problem in that department, but like it was said; maybe she wants to experience new guys and whatever.... But i know it is over for good and am not dwelling on it. Just don't make bs excuses about it and tell me straight up... Why is it that women wont be straight up and say look, this just isn't working and im sorry but it has to end like this... Totally fine!! Communication would be nice.. The relationship for the past 1/2 year has been rocky and same things are talked about over and over and over... F'in vicious circle... And i know when we go to mexico it will be hard but i can't completely ignore the girl, i mean we are staying in the same room lol...
boogieboy Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Most women are too cowardly to tell you straight up. Women want to be loved by everyone, its in their nature, and they dont want someone they care about hating them, mostly because they dont want to deal with their own guilt. They also keep in contact with you to make the breakup easier on them. Dont let her sweet talk you into stringing you along either, thats another tactic. Youre doing good, keep it going.
Art_Critic Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 She needs to find herself = I want to be able to bang that guy over there --->
boogieboy Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I just read this in another post and it sums it up...remember this Cowboy women mostly do this: "And you can't heal when you are still in contact. It keeps the feelings right at the surface for you. And that's what your ex wants. Just as mine did. They don't want you to get over them. Because it's a nice security blanket for him to have you out there pining for him and available to him."
skreen23 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 To be honest i wouldn't go to mexico, i reckon it would be a little bit awkward. Maybe stay in a different hotel and do your own thing while there if you have to go. Going to stick with my ignore the humping half the country thing, God alone knows how women's minds work, i'm convinced that half of them haven't a clue what they want. Women are crap, i'm going to start humping sheep.
Chinook Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Its because that is always the situation if you read any similar posts on this board. Its always the same. Girl gives lame excuse for breakup...typically "im not good enuf for you, I need to find myself, Its not you its me" Then days later, the poster finds out his girl was seeing someone a month before she broke up with him. Read around, its typical behavior, backed up with case studies of constant posts of the same thing on this board.Hey, wait just a minute there. Just cos you're a guy and this happened to you, it don't mean that guys don't do it too! PEOPLE do this kind of thing because PEOPLE are cowards. There is no gender difference about who does what and who is more cowardly. There are as many heart-boken girls post on this forum for exactly the same reason so reign in your vitriol it isn't helpful.
boogieboy Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Hey I know it happened to you. But he's in pain, he doesnt care if guys do it, when a woman did it to him. I convey that women do it to help him realize that it's more common and he's not alone. Gender might or might not help, but I dont take a chance. Plus theres alot more threads of women doing it than men on this board. Its all ive been reading here lately.
Author cowboys1 Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 I understand men also may act like this to women, but that's not the case for me... Ok well I know I shouldn't have done this, but today was the x's uncles birthday and were really cool.... So i was there and she was there and she was saying that, "remember i love you" and she wanted me to give her a kiss but i was like no sorry... And when she said remember i love you, she kinda looked at me so i could kiss her..... That didnt happen, and i really wanted to say, "yeah if you love me so much like you say you do, then whyTF did you break up with me?" So is that the emotional hold that she thinks she can have on me? Yeah i have her a hug and said bye, and that i'll see her Thursday when we leave to go to mexico, but im being strong!!! Had fun drinking and watching the rockets get destroyed (unfortinuately) but didnt really pay any attention to her...
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