conehead Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Anyone in that situation? I'm talking about short 1 hour flights. That's me and my current bf, and we see each other almost every weekend. It's great, but at the same time, does anyone feel that it's also a bit pressing? I get annoyed, when my dad and even some of my friends tell me that it's expensive, it prevents me from getting things done during weekends. Also my bf stays over at my parents place (I live at home) when he comes, and it's a bit of an inconvience for my parents because they feel like they always have a guest in the house. Getting my own place is kind of out of the question due to cost among other things. For those in similar situation, how do you deal with it? I'm starting to have fears that these issues will magnify over time, and it makes me feel uneasy.
KikiW Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Since you do not live on your own, you are kind of imposing on your parents and I can see how a regular guest makes them a little uncomfortable. If I were a parent and saw my kid taking flights every weekend/every other weekend or so, I would honestly start getting a little miffed that my kid was spending so much on flights (and probably food and entertainment) and not putting anything toward moving out and being self-sufficient. I can see this becoming a bigger issue. I would recommend easing up on the number of travels you make. Bring it back to once every 2 weeks, or once every 3 weeks and put the money you would have spent on those off weekend in a savings account. It will show your parents you are working towards being independent and more responsible. For an hour flight, what is the driving time? 3 or 4 hours? Drive instead. You are spending almost the same amount of time getting to the airport, waiting for your flight, take off, land, get to the car, drive to your destination. A tank of gas costs about $25. How much are your plane tickets?
ratingsguy Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 My GF is also an hour away by air. 6 hours by car. Sometimes I drive and sometimes I fly. She always drives when she visits here so she can save some money. Roundtrip airline tickets are fairly inexpensive ($130 on average) and I have the money so it's not an issue. We also both have our own places, so that's not an issue either. Issues will be less pressing for you if you can get a place of your own. But if money is a problem for you, maybe this guy can spring for a hotel room when he visits. Also for you to drive wouldn't be more than a few bucks in gas as the previous poster pointed out. This is manageable if you're both willing to make a few sacrifices.
Author conehead Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 Hi KikiW, thx for replying. Like I said, cost is just one thing...my parents want me to live at home like all my siblings...we are traditional like that. They also think its good I live at home so that I can save on rent (if I had to pay rent AND fly every weekend, it would cost way too much). I've suggested to my bf to see each other less but he's always been against it, and I fear hurting his feelings, so perhaps I can just tell him straight up that my parents are indeed getting miffed. It's true after all. Driving is actually 6 hours without traffic, which is much longer than a flight (which including wait time is 4 hours). But main thing is that doing so will also mean I have to start driving back sunday mid-day instead of flying back Monday morning (so we get less time with each other). Also it's a bit unsafe for me to drive by myself for 6 hours cuz if my old car breaks down in the middle of the desert I'm screwed lol. Plane tix along with other transportation costs for me usually are around $150 for each trip.
Author conehead Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 My GF is also an hour away by air. 6 hours by car. Sometimes I drive and sometimes I fly. She always drives when she visits here so she can save some money. Roundtrip airline tickets are fairly inexpensive ($130 on average) and I have the money so it's not an issue. We also both have our own places, so that's not an issue either. Issues will be less pressing for you if you can get a place of your own. But if money is a problem for you, maybe this guy can spring for a hotel room when he visits. Also for you to drive wouldn't be more than a few bucks in gas as the previous poster pointed out. This is manageable if you're both willing to make a few sacrifices. Hi RG, how often do you and your gf see each other? I can try telling my bf to get a hotel as well. Hopefully he understands. Driving is pretty much out of the issue for me because my parents thinks its dangerous for me to drive and I can understand that.
ratingsguy Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Hi RG, how often do you and your gf see each other? I can try telling my bf to get a hotel as well. Hopefully he understands. Driving is pretty much out of the issue for me because my parents thinks its dangerous for me to drive and I can understand that. We see each other about 3 out of 4 weekends a month. Two of the three weekends, I visit her because she's trying to get out of debt and I have none. I think the underlying issue for you is that you need to break away from your parents. How are you going to start a life of your own if you don't find a place of your own to hang your hat?
KikiW Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Hi KikiW, thx for replying. Like I said, cost is just one thing...my parents want me to live at home like all my siblings...we are traditional like that. They also think its good I live at home so that I can save on rent (if I had to pay rent AND fly every weekend, it would cost way too much). I've suggested to my bf to see each other less but he's always been against it, and I fear hurting his feelings, so perhaps I can just tell him straight up that my parents are indeed getting miffed. It's true after all. Driving is actually 6 hours without traffic, which is much longer than a flight (which including wait time is 4 hours). But main thing is that doing so will also mean I have to start driving back sunday mid-day instead of flying back Monday morning (so we get less time with each other). Also it's a bit unsafe for me to drive by myself for 6 hours cuz if my old car breaks down in the middle of the desert I'm screwed lol. Plane tix along with other transportation costs for me usually are around $150 for each trip. ... Hi RG, how often do you and your gf see each other? I can try telling my bf to get a hotel as well. Hopefully he understands. Driving is pretty much out of the issue for me because my parents thinks its dangerous for me to drive and I can understand that. I don't want you to feel like I am picking at you but I noticed these phrases that I bolded in your responses. They don't so much have to do with your original question, but they still make me concerned and I hope you take what I say as simply my observation and something for you to think about. I could be completely wrong, but this is what I am noticing... I don't know how old you are, but I am assuming you are an adult - you travel alone and your boyfriend visits you for weekend stays. If you are an adult, I am a little concerned at the amount of control both your parents and boyfriend appear to have over you. You say your parents want you to live at home because your siblings did and they want you to save rent. Are any of your siblings living on their own at this point, and if they are did they simply move into a place with a new spouse? If not, do you all have sizable savings due to having no rent? Your boyfriend is against seeing you less, so therefor you feel obligated to maintain this level of visitation. What would happen if you told him you needed to cut back on your travel? If he wants to see you so often, perhaps he will need to pick up the extra slack. And I agree, he should look into local hotels or mutual friends' places rather than your parents' house. Perhaps a month of this will give him a wake up call at to how expensive it will be to maintain that frequency of visits and he will be more inclined to scale back as well. You also mention how you hope he understands your position. He SHOULD understand, there should be absolutely no question about it. I would be absolutely horrified if my baby told me his mom was a little uncomfortable with me visiting all the time! The last thing I want is to upset her in any way, I would be the first on board to brainstorm about alternatives - hotel, friends' houses, whatever. Also, in your first post you said the amount of visits "prevents me from getting things done during weekends" - is this how YOU feel or how others feel? Do others perceive that you are not as social anymore because he is always around? Or is it more of getting errands done? This also gives me a little tiny red flag in the control issue area. If he is not willing to scale back the number of visits AND you are not able to hang out with friends because of it, this is something you need to think about. As for the driving - again, this is your parents telling you what to do. Sure we all want our children to be safe, but get AAA and get a cell phone. You are not going to die at the side of the road if your car conks out. Bring a gallon jug of water for overheating issues, pack an emergency car kit with flares and a hazard sign, and go on an ADVENTURE. My first car cost me $1, lasted six months, and left me stranded more than once where I had to walk a couple miles to the next exit - all before cell phones were common. It didn't kill me. Also, since you are saving rent by living at home, why not save for a reliable car? Something just off lease is usually in near mint condition and you can save THOUSANDS over a brand new vehicle. Again, I don't want you to think I am coming down on you, but just wanted to point out what I noticed and give you some food for thought.
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