Nikki Sahagin Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I found this from this website: http://www.intersites.co.uk/77830/index.html sorry about how this may have come out, I have no idea how to change it :S Stage 1 - The Beginning One of the hallmark characteristics of a commitment-phobe is that they tend to come on very strong in the beginning stages of the relationship. They may smother you with attention, rush to help you out at the drop of a hat, lavish you with gifts and compliment your every move. They can make you feel special, attractive, lovable, desirable and wanted all in a very short space of time. They may come across as needy and vulnerable, so that you almost feel sorry for them and they will go out of their way to earn your trust. They tend to make references to the future using the 'we' word, making you believe that a future with them is indeed possible - and indeed, probable. They may also hint that they are looking for a more permanent and stable relationship and may even drop clues regarding marriage. Any references to their previous relationships will be introduced to make you understand that the reason they failed was because their exes simply weren't as wonderful and special as you. At the end of this stage, you may find yourself head over heels in love and in deep trouble. You may not be able to believe your luck - you've found someone who thinks the world of you and loves you so much. Which brings us to Stage 2 ... Stage 2 - The Middle Once you're hooked on the commitment-phobe, you may start to notice that they seem to be very slowly and gradually diminishing the amount of time they spend with you, the number of calls they make and their attentiveness towards you. They often begin to compartmentalise their life into 'Their Life' and 'Their Life With You'; you are not allowed to be a part of 'Their Life' and are excluded from meeting their friends or family or from taking part in any of their hobbies, sports or activities. Similarly, they will be uncomfortable in your territory and will not want to meet or socialise with your friends, family or colleagues. They may twist your simple expectations, accusing you of pressuring them with demands and may turn your innocent requests into accusations that you are nagging, bullying or trying to control them. They will also start to find fault with you and may blatantly point out your flaws - real or imagined. They often concentrate on the things about you that you can't change - such as your height, your skin tone, your family, your friends - and exaggerate these 'faults' and flaws to enormous proportions. The relationship will stop growing, and they may avoid making committed changes or may refuse to discuss the relationship at all. Unfortunately, the problem with Stage 2 is that in your mind you are still in [COLOR=#000000]Stage 1[/COLOR]. You think they are madly in love with you and would never, ever leave you. You are still overwhelmed by the intensity of their initial love. So you start to think that maybe YOU are doing something wrong and try harder to show them your love. This often involves doing things to show them what a good a wife or husband you would be if they were to marry you. You may buy them gifts, cook them special meals, become even more understanding. However, the more you love them and try to make them happy, the more you end up pushing them away. Your loving intentions only serve to make them feel the impending threat of commitment. Unfortunately, being a commitmentphobe often means that they can't commit either way. They can't commit to being with you forever, yet they can't commit to being without you either. This means that they rarely have the courage to leave you and often decide that they will make you do the leaving instead. On to Stage 3 ... Stage 3 - The End At the final stage of the relationship, the commitment-phobe begins to behave in ways designed to make you so angry or upset that you will break things off with them. They may spend less and less time with you, ignore your needs, find constant fault with you or even date other people in the hopes that you will catch them. Finally breaking up with a commitmentphobe can leave you with reduced levels of self-esteem and you may feel rejected, unlovable, unworthy or unacceptable. You may also feel that you must have done something terribly wrong to kill the love that the commitment-phobe so obviously had for you. However, once you have made the break, a curious thing sometimes happens. Free of the threat of impending commitment, the commitment-phobe will very often try to win you back with huge romantic gestures and promises that they have changed. It's essential that you recognise this behaviour for what it is: merely a return to [COLOR=#000000]Stage 1[/COLOR]. It can be very tempting to give in to their promises in the hopes of experiencing their adoration once again, but unfortunately in the majority of cases, after they have won you back, then you'll soon be treated to a repeat of the final two stages. So instead of giving in, be brave, make the break and move on to find someone who isn't scared of committing to you.
lonelypiscesguy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Wow. So much like my realtionship with my ex.
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