confusedcookie Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 so i'm really proud of myself, i've never gotten so far before, either by day 2 or 3, i'm like txting him asking for stuff back or calling saying that we need to talk. so thought, i'm on day 7, is it wrong that with each passing day that the phone doesn't ring, i'm disappointed that he hasn't tried to make contact with me, and hasn't plead and begged, and basically crawled to get me back. i try and i try to tell myself, he's never gonna call, thinking he's gonna call is just going to get myself disappointed, but still inside, there's still a small glimmer of hope... help =( i'm so naive, i believed everything he told me, and i also believed that when two people care for each other, all will be okay, but now i know that definitely is not the case
bluewolf17 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Hey CC, Hang in there, really. There will be ups and downs, and today is a down. The problem with NC, and break ups (at least for the dumpee) is that you always are thinking. And sometimes you think of ONE MORE THING you can say, or one other point, you can make. And if only you could call them, or tell them, this new information, they will say "oh! Your right! Lets get back together!" (at least thats how we hope it plays out). Sadley, it doesn't. When we call, and text and keep in contact, all it does is tell the other person that your still down, and you haven't accepted it. Not calling says a lot more, than calling and saying somthing. Not calling says you are doing what is best for you. Trust me, if they want to talk to you, they will. I am not trying to be mean here, all I am saying is normally when you get dumped, the other person doesn't want you to call. They don't like to feel guilty. So bear in mind, that you shouldn't call them, because A-they don't want you to, and B-it won't change things. Sometimes I have to tell myself this over and over again. Sometimes the temptation is very strong to call, especially if you know they would answer. Just stay strong. I am right there with you!
Chinook Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 He's not coming back. No contact is to help you heal. It will not bring him back. He will only do that if he wants to - nothing you say or do now will make it happen. Why would you want him back anyhow...? Someone who can say things to you and make you believe in them... then they cut you out of their life, willingly hurting you, severing the bond you have... why do they deserve your time or your energy..?
t0ri Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 People can tell you over and over again that you shouldn't want your ex to come back or contact you, but it's inevitable most of the time. I think one of the hardest parts about breakups is letting go of the hope. It's not wrong for you to feel disappointed he isn't realizing he made a big mistake and begging for you back...I think it's normal. I feel that way also. But you're only on day 7. The hope will start to fade, and you'll learn to accept that it's over for good. I'm on day 25 of NC, and I'm still hoping he'll contact me. NOT because I want him back, but because it'd make me feel a tad bit better for some reason. It's easier that he doesn't contact me, however, because it would be too tempting to respond if he did. The best thing to do is to tell yourself that he's not coming back, and he's not ever going to contact you again (whether or not it's true). Let your mind accept that so that you don't further disappoint yourself. And if he happens to come back, or contact you, be strong!
Author confusedcookie Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 thanks for all the insight, i was the dumper, but he did something that i thought was a deal breaker, and then obviously with other ppls opinion and such, i'm thinking maybe i over reacted, and maybe i'm making too big of a deal, etc. so you're saying that even if he does contact me, i should void contact, or should i be friends with him, and see what happens? damn, see? i'm doing it again, so many more scenarios are playing in my head, i've got this massive hoping and daydreaming problem. though i know it doesn't help me or anything, if i knew he was having a horrible time like me, it would make me feel better, am i being selfish to say that? a few more days is our 1 year and 5 month mark, and scenes where he will msg is playing in my head already. i feel that i am so weak and pride less to be strung along like this...
Chinook Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 If it was a deal-breaker then, it's a deal breaker now. Trust me. Been down the road of 'maybe I was over reacting' and regretting it now.
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