Jake8 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Hello everyone.... Long and short of it all..... Found out in Feb my wife was involved with an old boyfriend from high school on Facebook... yes the new female porn Facebook. Blindsided. My wife and I were best friends though and through. We have a three year old, house and business together in FL. She was not willing to work it out at all! So I have filed all the paperwork with a lawyer and I am awaiting my drafts. We are up in NYC for the summer.... I am in a sublet in the city she is staying with her dad. We share our little guy week to week. Had lunch today and the conversation just got ugly.... she throws me a curve ball and says 'for two weeks now she has been questioning her decision but its days like this she knows she is making the right choice'. After ten years of yesing her and doing everything she wanted she dumps me and now I am doing my own thing.... but im not allowed to be angry??? I tried and begged for two months to work it out. She could not stop seeing her new 'boyfriend' and is activly seeing him now when I am with our son... she is off with him in LaLa land. Traveling, staying at his house... totally meshed in his life. Was her claim out of pure hurt to me..... The sad part is I just miss what our life was so words like that are so hurtful.. Thanks to all
CM2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Their is LA, let me know and I'll take care of her for you....HA HA!!!
webmuse Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Was her claim out of pure hurt to me Most Likely it's an easy way to lay all the blame for the relationship failing at your feet.
LakesideDream Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Sorry Jake, she's blinded by the fog of her affair. She won't be able to see what she is doing/done for a long time, maybe years. I know it doesen't feel like it, but it could have been worse. It sounds like you have the means to make your way through this in one piece, not whole maybe... but functioning. Be prepared for her to continue shifting the blame to you. It's all she can do. It sounds like her actions led to the affair happening, and her deciding that you wern't "exciting" enough. Rest assured that her affair partner, won't be so exciting either in a year or two if it lasts that long. Luck to you,
Author Jake8 Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I guess I am in this totally weird space.... I dont want her back because it could never work..... but I want her to want me so I can tell her 'no'. My ego is bruised and probably just want her to feel my pain. Plus she made being with someone else seem to easy after ten years.
aada713 Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 damn that sucks man....I hate the fact that you think you know someone, and then it tuns out they can do some stuff like that to person willing to give them the world....
webmuse Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 .... I dont want her back because it could never work..... but I want her to want me so I can tell her 'no'. at least your being honest with yourself..
Author Jake8 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 I really loved everything we had and created together over ten years and always felt she did to. No ones perfect but it really just is such a mess. She turned 30 one of her girlfriends is having an affair and her mom was a big time cheater when she was growing up so its all around..... I just wish she would have thought about it more and given us a real chance to work things out... go on dates... retreats whatever it would have taken I would have done it.
Gunny376 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Rule # 1 Don't beat yourself up over it! Rule # 2 Don't "you could of, should, would of......................" Rule # 3 Your only half of the problem! She's the other half!
Author Jake8 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Thank You. Just miss the life I had......
Gunny376 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Thank You. Just miss the life I had...... Forget THAT! Concentrate on the LIFE YOU YOU can have!
Touche Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Hello everyone.... Long and short of it all..... Found out in Feb my wife was involved with an old boyfriend from high school on Facebook... yes the new female porn Facebook. Blindsided. My wife and I were best friends though and through. We have a three year old, house and business together in FL. She was not willing to work it out at all! So I have filed all the paperwork with a lawyer and I am awaiting my drafts. We are up in NYC for the summer.... I am in a sublet in the city she is staying with her dad. We share our little guy week to week. Had lunch today and the conversation just got ugly.... she throws me a curve ball and says for two weeks now she has been questioning her decision but its days like this she knows she is making the right choice. After ten years of yesing her and doing everything she wanted she dumps me and now I am doing my own thing.... but im not allowed to be angry??? I tried and begged for two months to work it out. She could not stop seeing her new 'boyfriend' and is activly seeing him now when I am with our son... she is off with him in LaLa land. Traveling, staying at his house... totally meshed in his life. Was her claim out of pure hurt to me..... The sad part is I just miss what our life was so words like that are so hurtful.. Thanks to all The above quotes in bold are your main problem. Do you not see it? No offense but you're a wimp. Very few people are attracted to wimps...male/female, doesn't matter. I guess I am in this totally weird space.... I dont want her back because it could never work..... but I want her to want me so I can tell her 'no'. I'd bet everything I have that you can't or won't tell her no. My ego is bruised and probably just want her to feel my pain. Plus she made being with someone else seem to easy after ten years. This last next to the last line is well...how can I say this delicately..hmmm...well it's really not very manly..know what I mean? Your ego is bruised and you want her to feel your pain? I get it. But do you want to be a man or continue to be the mouse you've been? Please don't think I'm attacking you. I was an ex mouse myself (a female one though)...a total doormat. My life became completely different once I started standing up for myself and not being such a wimp. Try it. You might be surprised at the results. And futhermore, if you have any chance in hell with your wife, this is it. Showing her that your "ego is bruised" will only push her further away. It's true. Man up.
Author Jake8 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 You are correct for sure.... My therapist said I process this whole situation more like a female would. I agree time to man up. Isn't the theory though once you truly are done and dont want someone they end up coming back at that point. Life I guess.
Touche Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 You are correct for sure.... My therapist said I process this whole situation more like a female would. I agree time to man up. Isn't the theory though once you truly are done and dont want someone they end up coming back at that point. Life I guess. Well it's not necessarily that you're "done" it's that you grow a back bone and stop letting yourself be someone's punching bag...that's when they come running back because that's an attractive quality and what she's probably looking for elsewhere. I guess human nature dictates that we want what we think we can't have. If she thinks you've had it and aren't going to jump when she says "how high", she may change her tune. Look, you have absolutely nothing else to lose here by changing your whole attitude. Remember, if you keep doing what you've been doing, you keep getting what you've been getting. Good luck to you, and keep posting!
Author Jake8 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Thank you very much..... needed to hear that!!!
seibert253 Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 Forget THAT! Concentrate on the LIFE YOU YOU can have! Agree with Gunny for the millionth time. This is no longer about her, she made her bed, let her lie. When it all falls apart and she comes waffling back it feel sooooo good to say GET BENT. It's also great when your out with your new 25 year old, and see her and introduce her to you hott STBNW. Success is the best revenge.
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