Khabarak Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 How can I use Facebook/MySpace to actually meet people (in particular, a girl). I've tried multiple times before and have never really had success. Generally if I send a friend request, it gets accepted, but what do I say/not say to actually pursue someone online.... occasionally I find someone who will write back to me, but nine times out of ten I just gain a "friend" who never actually talks to me. How do I say: "I'm interested in being your friend, maybe more." to someone (online) without having it seem creepy (or worse). Of course I realize it is probably best to have friendly chats first, but how do you move an online relationship offline? More than anything, that is what I'm struggling with. Thanks in advance for what you have to say.
Isolde Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Don't. I speak from experience, as part of the "facebook generation" that began when I attended college. This is THE fastest way to being friendzoned. It's a curse to initiate a relationship this way. I don't have any logical explanation for it. It's just.... baaaaad.
Author Khabarak Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Well... what if I'm ok with being friends? Maybe if I make a few friends I'll have more opportunities to meet people in person.
bitbyte Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Use a website that's intended for pick-up, not FB. You'll end up being the creeper.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I agree, dont do it. Think about it this way, why are you adding them as friends? Because they look hot in their pictures obviously. You dont know them, so thats all you really have to go on. Women dont like feeling like a hot piece of @ss. They want to feel like an attractive woman with many good qualities. By adding them on FB, youre telling them right off the bad that 'I think youre hot, lets hang out'. Not very flattering at all. And they arent going to buy that you just want to be friends. Sure, maybe FWB, but why would any guy seek out another platonic female friend? Only things I can think of are to try and change it from platonic to dating, or with the hopes that your new 'friend' is going to hook you up with her friends. Just dont try it. All the women I know get TONS of dudes trying to add them, and it doesnt mean anything more than they had a cute pic up and the dude wants to get laid.
DarkestDreams Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Ok, I agree that adding random women as friends is creepy at best. I personally never respond or agree to this type of requests. BUT if you do want to use Facebook as a way to meet new people I suggest joining some groups you're interested in and look at the members. This way you can message someone (never go straight for the request) and talk about something you have in common and maybe take it from there. Girls will be wary anyway, so this should be your last resort. Maybe online dating would be best for what you want. Oh, and I strongly suggest that you never ever use the phrase "I'm interested in being your friend, maybe more".
ratingsguy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Social networking sites are not intended to be the on-line equivalent of a singles bar... even though some people do use them that way with varying degrees of success. I also think it's a bad idea. Try a website that more closely matches your intent. If you're looking to meet women for the purposes of perhaps starting a relationship, there are plenty of matchmaking sites out there. Try that approach instead. At least whomever is on the other end will have similar motivations. Good luck!
Author Khabarak Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 First of all, I'm not trying to argue with anybody in my reply I just wanted to say a few things: Oh, and I strongly suggest that you never ever use the phrase "I'm interested in being your friend, maybe more". Don't worry... I'm not going to say that. I was saying how can I convey that meaning without saying it. Think about it this way, why are you adding them as friends? Because they look hot in their pictures obviously. You dont know them, so thats all you really have to go on. Why would I approach them in person? I don't know anything more about them that way... in fact I would argue that I usually would know less. That said, I understand what you are saying, and I know it is how a lot (probably most) people feel, but I think this viewpoint is a little... well, its just not thought out. (Below is my opinion, and I do acknowledge that most people don't agree which is the whole problem...) Consider it this way: Reading what people write about themselves, looking at the pictures (seeing what they're doing) can give a pretty descent idea of some of the basic things they like). Granted you don't really know them, but there is enough information to make a judgment on more than just an image/appearance. In person, all I really have to go on is how that person looks, and how they might be acting at that exact moment in time. Sure sometimes people online aren't who they say, but I would also argue that, just as often, people are not who they say in person. Granted there are some anonymities given by the internet that you can't really achieve in person, but you have to remember that those anonymities go both ways. Social networking sites are not intended to be the on-line equivalent of a singles bar. Isn't the idea of social networking to expand your social network AND keep up with your current friends? I'm not trying to use it as a single's bar... I'm trying to meet people which, unless I'm extremely mistaken, IS the purpose of such sites. I'm not just mailing girls asking for dates.... All the women I know get TONS of dudes trying to add them, and it doesnt mean anything more than they had a cute pic up and the dude wants to get laid. There is no way you, or your female friends, can know for sure that its just because "the dude wants to get laid." I have sent a number of messages to girls out of genuine interest... not because I was looking to get "laid." Use a website that's intended for pick-up, not FB. You'll end up being the creeper. Probably what I should do, but I'm not interested in paying (for a variety of reasons) and I've not had any luck with the free sites... I'm from a pretty small area and the selection of people is pretty limited. This is part of the reason I hesitate to pay for a site (because I'm worried I'd run into the same problem). Again, I'm not going trying to argue with anybody, I'm just speaking my mind... To RatingsGuy: I didn't mean to overlook what you said second. I know there are a lot of sites out there, but I have looked as I said.
Isolde Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Khabarak, having given you that warning, I can say that if someone I found attractive with an interesting profile messaged me, I would definitely respond. If this happens, then please don't keep messaging her back and forth for weeks, just ask her out! I totally understand why some people want to use online to meet people. IME it hasn't worked, but that doesn't mean it won't for you. You sound like a level headed guy with a genuine desire to get to know new people.
Sibyl Vane Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I only get annoyed by guys that do this. But "hey, you're hot" doesn't exactly get most people going. Expand on that.
Author Khabarak Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 But "hey, you're hot" doesn't exactly get most people going. Expand on that. No worries... I can honestly say I've never written a message with such as that one. You sound like a level headed guy with a genuine desire to get to know new people. Thank you, I try to be. Thanks again to everyone who has replied. I do appreciate and consider all input. Since a large majority of you have advised that I try a site specifically for dating, please recommend some for me to check out. Paid or unpaid... I suppose I could part with a few dollars if need be. As I said, I have looked around before, but maybe I just didn't find the right site (or perhaps I just need to try again).
missdependant Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 So I know this is really lame, but I met my boyfriend on myspace. I wasn't able to see his pictures or anything, I was only able to read his "about me" section and the other sections on the side of the page (don't know what they're called they talk about what kind of music, movies, books and stuff people like). I really liked what I saw, so I figured "why the hell not.." I wasn't really taking online dating seriously, in fact I had never pursued anyone online before in my life until this point.. neither had he. I don't remember how I even came across his profile, but I sent a very simple message: "Hi.. I really like your profile. :-)" He responded and was interested in talking, so we talked online for a week or so and then decided to meet up. And we're still together.
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