slutacious Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 my boyfriend have been dating for 16 months and living together for 9. In the course of this relationship, a lot has happened, and i dont really feel as committed to the relationship as i once did. See, in the beginning, he cheated on me, and told the other girl he wanted to move in with her and get married. In my mind, even though he stayed, the relationship was headed for disaster, so i cheated on him. It wasnt romantic. I just wanted him to feel what he made me feel. So, fastforward to now... i dont have any personal space. if i leave for any period of time, he gets nervous. and now he checks my personal emails, and reacts badly when i dont mention him. i feel i have no place to vent anymore, because i dont feel safe enough talking to my friends or keeping a journal of my feelings. any suggestions?
dreamergrl Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Move out. Obviously this is not a healthy relationship. No trust. Doing things to get back at the other. No maturity.
Author slutacious Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 the cheating to get back at him was months ago. We were totally away from cheating on each other and talking about marriage and a family. And now he is all private eye on me. And i cant move. The lease is in my name, because he doesnt have id anymore.
dreamergrl Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Well obviously the cheating is still an issue if he's checking up on you. There's lack of trust still. How do you assume to be married and have children when there's no trust? How do you feel that there is enough maturity on either of your parts for this? Feelings don't go away just because you slide on a ring and pop out some kids.
JeezLouise Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 A basic life rule. Do not live with or marry a man who can't even rent an apartment in his own name because he does not have ID.
paddington bear Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Please don't marry this guy. As Dreamgirl already said, the trust is gone for both of you. Checking your private emails is not acceptable, I don't care what happened, it is simply not acceptable, just because you're in a couple it doesn't mean he has any right to read your private correspondence. You need to work out if you are happy, when was the last time you felt happy, content? I'm reckoning a long time ago, but that you've got so used to this relationship that it seems normal right now. I don't want to scare you (truly) but he's displaying a lot of the signs of someone who could get violent or do something highly irrational in the future due to his feelings of ownership over you. Have you family or friends nearby or can you afford to go away for a week or two to spend some time away from him? Not being able to vent, or think straight means you're not able to make any decisions that are coming from the right place, no rings on fingers until you've had a time out. Is this what you want forever and ever, til death do us part, someone who checks up on where you're going, who you're with, who you're emailing. This is not going to get better until either a) you leave him or b) you and he sort out your trust issues and set some boundaries.
ratingsguy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 He checks your personal e-mails? That's all I needed to hear. There is no trust in this relationship. Rebuilding it, while not impossible, will be very very difficult based only on what I've read. I think the best thing to do is to cut your losses, move on, and apply what you've learned to your next relationship.
Author slutacious Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 he went out with his boys tonight, after telling me i wouldnt enjoy myself if i went. Before leaving, he asked if i was planning on leaving him. And on the violence note, his father is in prison in louisiana for putting a guy in a vegetative state.
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