Mr. Lucky Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 But I think this article shows more about how lousy men are in bed with their SO's than anything else. Perhaps the survey really shows how deeply vested in the "blame game" women like you are. It's so easy to identify the problem as someone else... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I suppose I am confused by the reactions. This thread dealt with men who loved their wives and were confused as to why, while in their eyes sex was gratifying, the wives were not as interested in terms of frequency, etc... Ideas were shared by women from their subjective points of view in order to share possible ideas for the men to consider. I, being one of them, shared something along the lines of what the survey points to and was chastised for being a delusional woman who read too many romance novels. The truth is I have never read a romance novel, I've actually lived them in a rated PG version. I don't really see it as the blame game or anything of the like. It is just a call for people coming together and for couples to really start talking. Because... for the man who doesn't know his wife feels this way... I am certain... if he loves her and their marriage... he would want to talk with her and make things right. It is a call for understanding and compassion, not blame or division. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Perhaps the survey really shows how deeply vested in the "blame game" women like you are. It's so easy to identify the problem as someone else... Mr. Lucky, you deleted the woman's quote that caused my reaction. She was just trying to elicit a little tenderness from her BF, and he silenced her during sex. This is a real-life, specific example that could point to a common reason why W's aren't excited about having sex with their H's. Isn't that the whole reason why this site exists?? and why Toodamnpragmatic posted this thread in the first place?? Specifically, is the BF's attitude during sex - "You're ruining things" - somewhat widespread among males?? I think it's worth examining. In the opening post, Toodamnpragmatic complains that when men do more of what the W wants - pulling their weight, easing daily burdens on the W by doing chores, trying to be more sensitive/romantic, etc. - people like scrunchy come along and say that H's need to start being LESS available/attentive, and "more of a man" - causing TDP to start pulling his hair out in exasperation. I can see his point (although I am trying hard to ignore the insults he threw out to "all" LS posters, accompanied with the rolling-eyes). But isn't the purpose of these threads to elicit other points of view to help the OP understand his situation better, and take steps to correct it in order to get what he REALLY wants - specifically in this case, more sex from his W?? Or is TDP (and Mr. Lucky) simply looking for others to validate their position, and take out their frustration by shooting down anyone who tries to provide them with a view from the other side?? It seems to me that the bottom line is, both sides of the equation are NOT FEELING VALUED AND CHERISHED by their SO's. The men feel frustrated because they're not getting enough sexual attention.The women feel turned off from sex because they're not getting enough tenderness.Surely there is a way, as Gamine said, to explore both sides, and come to a greater understanding of this issue - which would hopefully lead to a happy resolution?? Link to post Share on other sites
c-riouz Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 The survey shows.... http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,959268,00.htm The above link shares the results of a recent survey on how women feel about sex. Majority seem to say they'd be happy to do without it. It is the Time Life magazine article /0,9171,959268,00.html That's what I'm saying....a back massage and caresses are so much better than sex. Sex is only interesting in the beginning of the relationship ... and then maybe once a month or so, you know, following MY hormonal cycle (who says that it's only men's hormonal needs that are the only valid ones? Just as I can't expect a man to have a lower libido, he can't expect women to have a higher one. It is what it is...) Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowcat Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 That's what I'm saying....a back massage and caresses are so much better than sex. Sex is only interesting in the beginning of the relationship ... and then maybe once a month or so, you know, following MY hormonal cycle (who says that it's only men's hormonal needs that are the only valid ones? Just as I can't expect a man to have a lower libido, he can't expect women to have a higher one. It is what it is...) I believe this might be a major cause of difficulty. Since the sex drive of both partners is very high initially, it is difficult to determine how high or low sex drive your partner actually has before you have bonded strongly. Once the initial high is gone and you find yourself in a marriage or long term relationship with a partner who's sex drive does not match your own in intensity, what do you do? I have seen many couples face this issue. So did I and my ex. In our case I was the one who wanted more sex, not he. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Or is TDP (and Mr. Lucky) simply looking for others to validate their position, and take out their frustration by shooting down anyone who tries to provide them with a view from the other side?? Any view from EITHER side that trys to pin blame on the other doesn't add much of anything to the dialog. To me Open Book, your statement ("But I think this article shows more about how lousy men are in bed with their SO's than anything else") clearly falls into that category. If you think that most men aren't interested in pleasing their SO's, then you don't know most men... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 If you think that most men aren't interested in pleasing their SO's, then you don't know most men... And the more I hear about them from their W's (who receive a tap on the shoulder in the middle of the night; or a shush to silence her request for tenderness), the more I thank God I DON'T "know most men." Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 many truths spoken here... from what I learned, especially in the last few months in my relationship, is that once you mention the lack of sex to your wife, that's it. Anything you do - helping around the house, looking after the kids, washing the dishes... - is because you only want one thing: SEX! Wife is turned off forever! My wife says that when I want sex (or it's around that time of the year... ), I become very nice to her... but I swear, I'm behaving normally! Never mind... I know this now! I wish somebody told me a few years ago... so many mistakes could have been avoided... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 Again when I posted it was in response to a single post I found exasperating and the posts by others wondering what they can do to bring sex back in to their marriage. I still am no closer to understanding or knowing what to do. I made a tongue in cheek checklist, I responded with some sarcasm to others and have seen a myriad of comments some positive and some attacking me. All is fine. I am very lucky in my situation, though far from perfect when it comes to sex, my family and life in general is very good.... Though c-riouz's posts should certainly be a cautionary tale for us males. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 That's what I'm saying....a back massage and caresses are so much better than sex. Sex is only interesting in the beginning of the relationship ... and then maybe once a month or so, you know, following MY hormonal cycle (who says that it's only men's hormonal needs that are the only valid ones? Just as I can't expect a man to have a lower libido, he can't expect women to have a higher one. It is what it is...) are you sure you are not my wife? Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Again when I posted it was in response to a single post I found exasperating and the posts by others wondering what they can do to bring sex back in to their marriage. I still am no closer to understanding or knowing what to do. I made a tongue in cheek checklist, I responded with some sarcasm to others and have seen a myriad of comments some positive and some attacking me. All is fine. I am very lucky in my situation, though far from perfect when it comes to sex, my family and life in general is very good.... Though c-riouz's posts should certainly be a cautionary tale for us males. who said that when we get to complain about the lack of sex is already too late? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 Subject: Big Decision A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but......your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000. in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "you must decide how many inches you want. But, this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now, she might be a bit put out. On the other hand, if you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor. "We're getting granite countertops." who said that when we get to complain about the lack of sex is already too late? Again sad..... As a little aside. My wife claimed when sex started to work with us (I was pretty inexperienced) 22 years ago, that she couldn't wait to reach her sexual peak (late 30's, early 40's for women). Well they came and went, kids, jobs, house.... and guess what she forgot ever making that statement, while I did not... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 And the more I hear about them from their W's (who receive a tap on the shoulder in the middle of the night; or a shush to silence her request for tenderness), the more I thank God I DON'T "know most men." I'm glad you've revealed yourself to be a hater. Makes it much easier to put your posts in perspective ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Mr. Lucky, you deleted the woman's quote that caused my reaction. She was just trying to elicit a little tenderness from her BF, and he silenced her during sex. I'd love to know if she considered the possibility of having that discussion some time when her SO wasn't right in the middle of something so to speak. I'd hope so. It seems like a reasonable discussion to have but she seems to have finished her grocery list and gone on to that talk at an inopportune time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 I'd love to know if she considered the possibility of having that discussion some time when her SO wasn't right in the middle of something so to speak. I'd hope so. It seems like a reasonable discussion to have but she seems to have finished her grocery list and gone on to that talk at an inopportune time. It was from the Ann Landers' question about cuddling vs. sex. One woman's complaint about a jerk of a husband/boyfriend. Not a single man here would condone that situation. Again a single letter taken as the norm for all men to take note. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I'm glad you've revealed yourself to be a hater. Makes it much easier to put your posts in perspective ... Mr. Lucky I'm sorry you feel that way, Mr. Lucky. "We're getting granite countertops." And I'm sorry I took the issues in this thread seriously. You guys have fun with each other... and with the rest of your married lives. I'm out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 I'm sorry you feel that way, Mr. Lucky. And I'm sorry I took the issues in this thread seriously. You guys have fun with each other... and with the rest of your married lives. I'm out. It was a joke my wife sent me today. It's quite funny I thought (outside the man's compliance)..... Link to post Share on other sites
Alma Mobley Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I'm back! Still never got a coherent response to my question. Perhaps I should start a thread? BTW, articles in TIME magazine don't count as actual research. Popular news magazines like that don't even know how to report actual research, due to lack of understanding in science and statistics on the part of the reporters. Had to say that. Oh, while I am venting -- can I just say I do NOT read romance novels? Thanks. Been wanting to say that for along time. Thank you and good night. Link to post Share on other sites
beneetsharma Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 This is your best online source for the heart warming gift ideas for the special occasion of Anniversary. Express your true feelings of love, care and respect to your dear one with a beautiful personalised gift item from this exclusive online giftshop. Choose and send from the wide range of Anniversary gifts items including the traditional ones like Cakes, Sweets, Jewelry, Flower Hampers, Wedding Anniversary Special Hampers, Home Decoratives, Apparels and lots more that would take you more closer to the heart of your loved one. Thanks JSR Solution Link to post Share on other sites
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