Blondie1013 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 3.5 years, high school sweethearts and really only been with each other. I dated a little before him and I'm the only one he's been with. We recently got into a couple of disagreements and he is considering taking a break. He wants to know what I define taking a break. In my opinion it's just not seeing each other as often but I think he has the idea that a break allows him to see other women, sex, and it be ok. Any suggestions on what I can say, convince him to stay with me or what? i don't want to take a break cause it usually turns out bad. I think he wants to experiment other women before fulling committing to me. So that if we get married 50 years down the line he doens't wonder.
Ronni_W Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Any suggestions on what I can say, Since HE is the one who wants "a break", let him know that you are waiting for HIM to define what that means FOR HIM. And then you can decide if you're willing to go along with it, or if you want and deserve something different than he wants to give you at this time. Regardless of why he's feeling the need for a break, it's still up to him to become aware of, and be open and honest with you about, what HE is needing/wanting/missing in his life. IMO.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 A break is a breakup with a backup plan. He wants you to wait around in case he doesn't find someone else he wants to be with more. As for preventing this, you can't. At the 'break' point, they are so far on the way out that anything you do or say to try to bring them back in will simply make them walk out faster. Rule of thumb: if someone hands you something, you hand it back twice what it was... for example: He handed you a break, so you hand him a breakup plus some solid 'no contact'. He needs to know that it is all or nothing, no in between. He either wants to be with you, or he doesn't. If you don't give him this clear choice, then he will simply do the easiest thing: choose not to choose.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 He handed you a break, so you hand him a breakup plus some solid 'no contact'. He needs to know that it is all or nothing, no in between. He either wants to be with you, or he doesn't. If you don't give him this clear choice, then he will simply do the easiest thing: choose not to choose. Agreed. Usually a break shows how selfish a person can be when they're in a relationship, they want to see what's out there without wanting to actually sacrifice what they already have. So they suggest a break as opposed to a breakup. Ask yourself whether you truly deserve this, because your ideals and his are so different that if you go through with his wants and forsake your own, you have to wonder if you're being a doormat. At times like this you have to put up your own cards and tell him what you want as retaliation.
BCCA Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I cant believe you actually sound somewhat sympathetic to your boyfriend wanting to go bang other women. No offense, but thats such a selfish thing for him to even mention, I would have sent him packing. A break is a breakup with a backup plan. Exactly. You dont take breaks with people you love and want to spend your time with.
GlassWindow Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 A break is a breakup with a backup plan. He wants you to wait around in case he doesn't find someone else he wants to be with more. As for preventing this, you can't. At the 'break' point, they are so far on the way out that anything you do or say to try to bring them back in will simply make them walk out faster. Rule of thumb: if someone hands you something, you hand it back twice what it was... for example: He handed you a break, so you hand him a breakup plus some solid 'no contact'. He needs to know that it is all or nothing, no in between. He either wants to be with you, or he doesn't. If you don't give him this clear choice, then he will simply do the easiest thing: choose not to choose. WOW! Amazingly well-said. Thank you. I needed to hear that, too.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 to me a break says: "i want to fool around with other people"
openbook08 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 A break is a breakup with a backup plan. He wants you to wait around in case he doesn't find someone else he wants to be with more. As for preventing this, you can't. At the 'break' point, they are so far on the way out that anything you do or say to try to bring them back in will simply make them walk out faster. Rule of thumb: if someone hands you something, you hand it back twice what it was... for example: He handed you a break, so you hand him a breakup plus some solid 'no contact'. He needs to know that it is all or nothing, no in between. He either wants to be with you, or he doesn't. If you don't give him this clear choice, then he will simply do the easiest thing: choose not to choose. this is EXACTLY what a break is take this advice very seriously if only id known.....
wow123 Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Same here. She wanted a break...there was another guy...now shes gone for good...I feel like an idiot now
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