MissViolet Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I was wondering what everyone thought about this topic. I have guy friends who have long term girlfriends but cheat on the side. They think it's ok to play the field, and cheat on their girlfriends because they are not married to them yet. However they claim that once they do get married and vow before God, they will be faithful to one woman only. My question is, do you think that's possible? I've argued with them that once a cheater always a cheater, but they said that they love their girlfriends but want to experience different things, and once they get married, they make their vows to God and their spouse. It's shocking to me, but I can count at least 4 of my guy friends think this way...
ratingsguy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 That kind of thinking makes me sick and somewhat sad for humanity. Even though a GF/BF relationship isn't the same level of commitment as a M, being faithful to your partner is fundamental to ANY level of romantic relationship. Someone who believes screwing around on the side is ok while in a relationship is not ready to BE in a relationship... or perhaps they are with the wrong person. If you reverse the roles, how would you feel if you were the victim of something like this? The litmus test is if it would devastate the person you're with, it's NOT ok to do. If these guys want to "experience different things", they should do it when someone else's heart isn't on the line.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Theyre rationalizing. My guess is that marrige isnt going to stop them from cheating, its just going to change their excuses. Trust me, then its going to be 'she never gives me any attention/I have needs/etc'. Be wary of anyone who justifies poor behavior. They usually never stop. Its always easier to make excuses than it is to take responsibility.
dreamergrl Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 If they don't have the morals prior to marriage, why would they all of a sudden have them because of marriage. Also, they have to have a gf prior to marriage, I'd love to know who in their right mind would be okay with this behavior leading up to the big "I do" day.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Theyre rationalizing. My guess is that marrige isnt going to stop them from cheating, its just going to change their excuses. Trust me, then its going to be 'she never gives me any attention/I have needs/etc'. Be wary of anyone who justifies poor behavior. They usually never stop. Its always easier to make excuses than it is to take responsibility.I completely agree with this. My next question is, why are you friends with 4 guys who have such low character? As soon as I heard this kind of self-justification, I would be running for the hills. It's one thing to have cheated once, realized that was piss-poor behaviour, taken the responsibility, felt remorse and given restitution, and something entirely different, when self-justifying cheating and more than likely, continuing to do it. Watch your back.
Stockalone Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I was wondering what everyone thought about this topic. I have guy friends who have long term girlfriends but cheat on the side. They think it's ok to play the field, and cheat on their girlfriends because they are not married to them yet. However they claim that once they do get married and vow before God, they will be faithful to one woman only. My question is, do you think that's possible? I've argued with them that once a cheater always a cheater, but they said that they love their girlfriends but want to experience different things, and once they get married, they make their vows to God and their spouse. It's shocking to me, but I can count at least 4 of my guy friends think this way... You have the wrong friends! But I am curious. Have you asked them what they would think if their girlfriends were cheating on them too as long as they aren't married? I am pretty sure they wouldn't like that.
dreamergrl Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 You have the wrong friends! But I am curious. Have you asked them what they would think if their girlfriends were cheating on them too as long as they aren't married? I am pretty sure they wouldn't like that. I'm curious about this too. Unless they like to swing Which someone people do, but even that can turn into a sticky situation
Author MissViolet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Well, first off, I'm very good friends with 2 of them. They're good people and they have been good friends to me, minus the cheating part. They are all religious - all 4 of them, funny enough- so a marriage vow before God is binding to them. From what they tell me, whatever behavior/actions that they have done before, marrying in a church, taking an oath before God is all that matters. After a holy marriage, their slates are clean and they vow to only love one woman. I mean, in a way that makes sense to me. And to answer your questions, their girlfriends don't have a clue because they have been good boyfriends, attentive and caring, so the girls don't ever find out. They also say that the cheating/flings they have on the side is just for variety, with no feelings attached. They straight out tell those other girls that they have gfs, and they won't breakup with their gfs either, and the other girls either take it or leave it. So I have asked them, why bother being in a relationship if you're going to cheat anyway? And, again, all 4 have very similar answers, they love their gfs and would marry them, but they're not married yet....One loves his gf, she has all the morals that he's looking for, they're compatible, but he just wants to experience something else. Another has been with his gf for 3 years and has cheated on her since the beginning. Which makes me feel bad for their girlfriends, but the 2 guys are my good friends and my loyalty is to them. But I don't understand at all....why do men think like this? It just scares me to think that my bf could be thinking and doing the exact same thing...
Author MissViolet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Oh, forgot... some of their answers to if they found out their gfs were cheating: I would dump her trashy ass I would #&$@#$ her up My gf would never do that I'm also under the impression that they think they can get away with anything if they're careful. LOL ok that does sound sad, and people may be wondering why I'm friends with these guys...but really, they're good people with happy family and lives, but for some reason they just want to cheat... I don't understand.
dreamergrl Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Oh, forgot... some of their answers to if they found out their gfs were cheating: I would dump her trashy ass I would #&$@#$ her up My gf would never do that This doesn't sound very religious to me.
Stockalone Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Well, first off, I'm very good friends with 2 of them. They're good people and they have been good friends to me, minus the cheating part. If you say so. After a holy marriage, their slates are clean and they vow to only love one woman. I mean, in a way that makes sense to me. How convinient for them. And to answer your questions, their girlfriends don't have a clue because they have been good boyfriends, attentive and caring, so the girls don't ever find out. They also say that the cheating/flings they have on the side is just for variety, with no feelings attached. They straight out tell those other girls that they have gfs, and they won't breakup with their gfs either, and the other girls either take it or leave it. ... Which makes me feel bad for their girlfriends, but the 2 guys are my good friends and my loyalty is to them. I didn't ask if their girlfriends knew, apparently they don't. And it's not like you are going to inform them. Fair enough, we all choose sides. I asked what your guy friends would feel if their girlfrienfs had the same crappy attitude. Would your guy friends be okay with their girlfriends cheating on them? Yes or no? I would dump her trashy ass I would #&$@#$ her up My gf would never do that Sorry, didn't saw that earlier. Thanks for answering that question. Thank God your religious and morally steadfast friends hold themselves to the same standard they hold their girlfriends. But I don't understand at all....why do men think like this? It just scares me to think that my bf could be thinking and doing the exact same thing... According to you, your guy friends are good people. So why would it bother you if your bf had the same attitude. He would still be a good person, minus the cheating on you. But don't worry, you would never know about such a minor detail. There are enough cheaters around you to cover his ass and keep this info from you if he would indeed choose to cheat on you.
carhill Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Male here... Any guy who says this is FOS, IMO FOS is what one is full of before taking a dump, in this case upon the woman who loves him and is committed to him. That is all
BubblyPopcorn Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I’d surmise their partners would be devastated if they learned they were being lied to and cheated on. In any case, I hope your friends incessant need for “variety” is worth such honorable sacrifices.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 How many pedophile priests have vowed before God, that they would honour their commitments? Don't automatically assume that God fearing people are any different than any other unremorseful liar and cheater. Your friends aren't good people. They are selfish people.
westernxer Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Does anyone believe that a cheater will stop being a cheater simply because of a marriage contract? Those guy friends are dumbasses.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Does anyone believe that a cheater will stop being a cheater simply because of a marriage contract? Those guy friends are dumbasses. Of course not, like I said, the excuses would just change. Listen, I'm a guy, and that would never fly, and if one of my friends told me he was cheating and tried to rationalize it, I would call them out and tell them I dont want to be around them if theyre going to be cheaters. I dont want to be guilty by association. Look at it, now youre doubting your bf, who probably hasnt done anything, just because you're around selfish jerks who think they should be able to do what they want.
You'reasian Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I was wondering what everyone thought about this topic. I have guy friends who have long term girlfriends but cheat on the side. They think it's ok to play the field, and cheat on their girlfriends because they are not married to them yet. However they claim that once they do get married and vow before God, they will be faithful to one woman only. My question is, do you think that's possible? I've argued with them that once a cheater always a cheater, but they said that they love their girlfriends but want to experience different things, and once they get married, they make their vows to God and their spouse. It's shocking to me, but I can count at least 4 of my guy friends think this way... I've had some girlfriends whom thought it was ok to play the field since they were not married - and its their perrogative; I don't own them or owe them anything. In a dating environment, women want a little romance, maybe a little chase/flirting/drama, alot of sex and minimal commitment and there's nothing wrong with this - its just how they're wired. In the same environment, we guys just want the sex and minimal commitment lol.
Author MissViolet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I've had a similar discussion with my priest about love and marriage, and finding the "right one". I can't remember the exact phrases he used but basically if you have not vowed before God in a Holy marriage then you have not sinned. I've asked some of my girlfriends about love and marriage and they too have said that their priests say the same thing. Which doesn't make sense on some levels, but apparently if you're not married to them it's ok ... Pick and choose wisely, and once you do, stick with it is what I've gotten out of everything. Of course, I believe that once you cheat, married or just dating, it's a crime of the heart and isn't right and should not be done.
stepka Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 The biggest player I know is a pastor--he tried to pick me up one day, and we were both married--so much for his vows b/f God.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Pre-marital sex is a sin, as is lust, so something didn't translate properly from your priest.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Pre-marital sex is a sin, as is lust, so something didn't translate properly from your priest. I'm agnotic, and I knew that! I was thinking the exact same thing.
ratingsguy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 ...but the 2 guys are my good friends and my loyalty is to them. Back in World War II, there was also a whole country full of Germans loyal to Adolf Hitler. When you're in a relationship, it's presumably because you love and care deeply about the person you are with. You would never do anything to hurt that person, and in fact you would do everything in your power to prevent that person from being hurt. To blatantly cheat on your SO is such an egregious violation of trust that it can do irreparable damage to the foundation of the relationship. Even if the other person never finds out, it still weakens the bond and turns the relationship into a charade. I agree with the others. These guys are bad people with terrible characters. Time to rethink your loyalties.
BobSacamento Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I don't think it can ever be ok. However, in certain circumstances I could see people letting certain things slide.
You'reasian Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I assumed we were talking about physical cheating, but there's emotional cheating too - for instance, the need to bond emotionally closer to another while in a relationship. Whose to say whom my gf can or cannot be friends with? And what they should or should not discuss? Heck, they could have been her friend for longer than I've been dating this chick? So ultimately, its none of my business and I would hope she would feel the same way in reverse. In dating, everyone's eating alot of cake and having it too.
Recommended Posts