darksky Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Hi Everyone.. thanks in advance for taking time to read this, hope it isnt too long to read and hope you can offer me some good advice. Well me and my ex broke up 6 weeks ago.. for about a month prior to breaking up she became very distant towards me and started to spend more and more time with her friends and basically started to have very little time for me, which hurt alot as we where together for 3 years and had been through alot together. Eventually I had had enough of her being distant an uninterested so confronted her about the situation which lead to us breaking up. This wasnt what i wanted but it was clear from her actions that it was what she wanted. So we broke up on good terms and although i was sad and hurt I just took the bullet and tried to accept it.... then it got a bit messy! We continued to contact each other through text and the occasional phone call for about 2 weeks after the breakup.. basically telling each other that we was missing each other etc.. Then out of the blue my best friend rings me and tells me that he saw my ex in the pub with her ex. (the guy she was with before me)! Suddenly it hit me like a tonne of bricks.. i recalled about a two months before we broke up that she had a text on her phone from an unknown number saying "hey, it was nice to see you again after all this time, felt like old times again xxx".. at the time when i asked her she said it was on old school friend (which was pretty unconvincing at the time), but now im pretty sure it was him! This was very hard to take and crushed me!! She always told me she hated her ex because he treat her bad and she said she would never speak to him again.. yet here they are in town having drinks together and god knows whatelse!! I confronted her about this and she denied even seeing him!! I know my best friend is telling me the truth and it was obvious she was lying. So after that i sent her a bit of a harsh text telling her that I dont want anything to do with her ever again and not to even try to contact me.. and basically to get the hell outta my life. She responded with a short text saying "okay fair enough x". That was the final text i sent her (about 4 weeks ago) since i have had super strict no-contact which i feel pretty good about. However the problem is she still texts me and phones me maybe twice a week.. all of which i have totally ignored. Her texts say things like "I've been thinking about you alot, just want to talk and see how you are". Im not sure exactly what she thinks there is to talk about!! So I would like your opions on whether you think i am being rude/harsh in ignoring her when she is making an effort to see how i am etc.. (or maybe she is just trying to relieve her guilt?) So should i answer her next call? Or should i continue to keep NC? I know that im not totally over her but I have come along way in the healing process. Im not sure how i would feel speaking to her again (although its only been 4 weeks it feels like ages)... everytime i ignore a call i think about it for days afterwards just wondering what she would have said if i spoke to her.. im not sure if she is now with her ex or what! I have no idea due to the no contact, but I would be lying if i said i didnt care! Any advice or opinions would be much appreciated as I feel that no contact has worked but im afraid that curiosity will get the better of me. I could: 1) Continue to ignore her and she will eventually give up and that will be that. 2) Answer her call and tell her to stop calling (I guess i could block her number but for some reason i enjoy knowing that she is calling and i feel empowered when i ignore her). 3) Should I answer her call and hear what she has to say. But then i guess im giving her the chance to feel better about the situation whilst it will do nothing for me. (unless she begs for me back, but i doubt thats what she wants). I dont want her back but a part of me wants her to want me back (if that makes sense) probably a pride thing but thats just how it is. Thanks for reading.
Intricategirl Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I don't think NC is supposed to be about them. It's about you. Block the number. You say you feel empowered by it, but the message doesn't read like that. She's still got you doing exactly what she wants. Caring about her- it's all about her. Maybe she has something she really does need to talk about... My advice is to block it. Keep telling yourself that she's texting if that's what you need to do, but it keeps you from fixating on the exact message. 'Cause seriously- is there anything she's going to say in those texts that would make you get back together again? If not, why even read them?
Excellent Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Stay in NC, and block her if you can. She' just fishing after a response from you. If she wants you back she will tell you, and go through any means to tell you too. Wich she hasn't. NC for the win.
JadedHeart Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Continue with no contact! Man this happened to me as well, pretty much the same situation. Just ignore her, or tell her I respect your decision to end the relationship now respect mine to continue with no contact! I personally would just continue to ignore her though, who the heck cares how she will feel if you cut her off. Don't be such a nice guy, trust me she will respect you more for it. My ex's ex cheated on her but I found out she was going to dinner with him and I can't imagine what else. Bottom line is, girls like to be treated like S#!&, most of them not all. They want some sort of emotional entropy, drama if you will. If they don't have that they get bored.
Ronni_W Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I could: 2) Answer her call and tell her to stop calling (I guess i could block her number but for some reason i enjoy knowing that she is calling and i feel empowered when i ignore her). I dont want her back but a part of me wants her to want me back You could also spend some time wondering about your definition of feeling "empowered" cos it doesn't sound as if you really are in charge of this situation. Possibly you've been telling (BS'ing) yourself that avoiding/ignoring her does empower you in some way but...is that accurate? If you were TRULY empowered, would you have needed to post about it? There's nothing "wrong" with allowing your pride to prevent you from getting what you actually want...to hear that she wants you back. But, IMO, one does have to question if there is any WISDOM in making it impossible for yourself to ever find that out. If you don't think that she wants you back, then finding out for sure that she doesn't won't change anything...except maybe to put your mind at ease so that you CAN start making more empowering decisions for yourself. If that makes sense?
Author darksky Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Hey, thanks for all the great replys everyone. Intracategirl, your right I cant think of anything she could possibly say that would make me take her back.. but i guess it would make me feel better knowing that she does. Its probably just a stupid pride thing, but at the moment i guess it would be good to hear as my confidence has taken a huge knock. Excellent Ive had someone tell me this before, that if she wants me back she will go through any means to let me know. But if i keep ignoring her and not giving her the chance to say it then i guess im making it very difficult for her.. but your right because when she does ring or text she never says anything that would make me think she wants me back. JadedHeart, Sorry to hear that a similar thing happened to you too, it really does suck! Yeah it would appear that being treated like S#!t doesnt seem to put girls off guys.. her ex cheated on her too and she always told me how much she hated him and how she would never even want to talk to him again! And what makes it worse is that she said she would never cheat on anyone else because she knows how much it hurts.. so she obviously didn't think about this when she decided to hurt me. Truth is along she probably never hated him but was just angry at him and the anger faded and suddenly he became desirable again! My ex loved drama and when we argued it was is if she almost enjoyed it at times when i hated it. Whats all that about? Hang in there dude i dont believe all girls are like this. Ronniw, thats a really useful response, when i think hard about it im probably not really empowered at all.. I would say that i just feel like when i ignore her its as if the tables have turned, like shes now the one doing the chasing and im the one who decides if we talk or not. So in that way it does give me a slight sense of power. And of course your right in that if i dont answer her at all then how will i ever know if she wants me back, I doubt that she would ever send a text saying it, its the kind of thing you would say face to face right? Maybe i do need to find out for sure that she doesnt want me back so i can really start to forget about her, But then im afraid it might knock me back to square one and hurt all over again.. so really i think the best way is probably to continue how i am and sooner or later i will just stop thinking about it, hopefully. Thanks for the help guys
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