jadelil25 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I am really confused and unsure at the moment and I would really appreciate your help. I was dating this guy for a little while. We hit if off, had fun, connected and got along great. His ex then messaged and asked to see him. They met up and talked and he called things off with me but has not got back with her either. He apologised and was very nice about it and said that he thought he was over his ex and he is not and there is part of him who thinks they should give it another go. I am worried about her hurting him/messing with him again tho. It is there 2nd break up and just before the other break up she cheated on him. We both care about each other and I said that I understand that we can not be anything more but I would like us to be friends. He said that is fine. I messaged him on Tuesday the day after just to see how he is as I know he was hurting and feeling guitly and we talked for a bit. We then spoke on wends and he called me to see how I am and make sure that im ok. I said I will be ok, just need a few days and hope we can stay friends and have fun as friends sometime. He said that is fine. I then had an interview which he knew about on Thursday. He txt me early yesterday to wish me good luck. He then txt me later asking how it went. I said im just going now and im nervous and he message back saying good luck, big hugs and kisses. X I called him later just to let him know how I got on. We talked for a bit. He then called me back later and we talked for some more. He just wanted to make sure that im ok. I said I will be fine, I understand we can only be friends and nothing more and I will be fine as long as I dont loose him as a friend and I said I hope we can have fun together as friends. He said sure we can. He also said that he misses me and has been thinking about me and how nice it was to wake up next to me. He misses sleeping nxt to me and that he has not been sleeping well. He said that it is hard because he wants me and wants his ex and knows he can not have both. We flirted a bit and talked about the plans which we had before it ended. He then went quiet and we ended the call. I txt him and said sorry if i overstepped the mark, I dont want to loose him as a friend and I do care. He txt back saying he is sorry too. I said no problem and not to worry, I dont want to loose you as a friend. We then messaged back and forth for a bit and flirted. I then said night and he messaged night back and said ive got him really turned on. Apart from his ex asking to see him that one time she has not been in contact and I dont think she exactly asked for him back when they met up. I am trying to move on and not get my hopes up but so much of me misses him and still wants him. Do you think there is any chance of me and him happening again? What do you think his feelings are towards me? Sorry it is so long. I just would really appreciate your help and opinions on this. Thank you.
Bejita463 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 there is part of him who thinks they should give it another go. That is all I would need to have been told, personally.
Treasa Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 In the post above you mentioned SEVEN times to him that you still want to be friends. I think he gets it. However, I don't think you meant it any of those times at all. You don't want to lose him. Period. You're too emotionally invested to be friends at this point. Let's rehash - this guy tried to break up with you, and you admitted clinginess and worry in past posts. You told him you understood he just needed more space! When he agreed to give it another shot, you started walking on eggshells, posting every time you planned to get together with him, asking if you should go over there, worrying about whether or not you were contacting him too much. THIS WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND! And then he gets a call from his ex, and starts waffling with you even more. He breaks things off with you, but keeps you hanging on his string, and you're manipulating him into talking to you by telling him repeatedly that you want to be friends, yet you aren't treating him like you'd treat another friend. Look, everything you're doing is SO painfully familiar to me. Seriously, you have no idea. I have been in EXACTLY the place you are in. And you know what happened? The guy broke it off with me anyway, because I had no sense of self and was too clingy. Do you know what I should have done? I shouldn't have been so clingy to begin with, and when he began to waffle, I should have been out of there. And when he told me he wanted another girl....well, that's where you and I differ. I would beg and plead to be an ex's friend. Just to stay in contact so that I could convince him to take me back. But not when he decided he liked another girl. When that happened, a switch flipped in me, and I no longer wanted to even try. I told him to F off, and hard as it was, got on with my life. It's one thing for a man to break up with me, because then I can fool myself into thinking that he loves me and wants me, but just doesn't realize it, and maybe if I make myself better, I can make him see it and get him back. But when that guy wants to try with someone else, the "magic spell" is broken, and I see him for what he is. An ass. Honestly, I think you need to cut contact with this guy. All he's seen from you so far is neediness and desperation. Want to show him strength and maybe make him question? Tell him that you aren't interested in being friends, but that he can contact you when he's certain he's over his ex. I promise that if you do anything else, you're subconsciously showing yourself that you're less than him, and that you have to dance to his flute if you want to be with him. Seriously, the hell with that.
ratingsguy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Not to sound mean, but I don't think you're capable of being friends with this guy so soon. Generally speaking, friendships can evolve into relationships, but when things go sour, it's very difficult for a relationship to become a friendship... at least right away. Based on what you said, I think this guy either honestly can't make up his mind between you and his ex, or knows that you will pine over him so he has no worries about losing you, or both. You love this guy, that is clear. However, you need to protect yourself from prolonged pain and make it clear to him that you're moving on until he can make a solid decision. And then MOVE ON. It doesn't mean you don't love him, but it does mean that you're looking out for your own best interests. I recommend NC until this guy figures out what it is that he wants. If he's interested in you, he'll contact you, but make it clear to him that you only want to hear from him if he's interested in staying with you. Friendship is not an option right now because it will only be too painful for you. Going NC will hurt and you will shed tears, but it's to protect your own heart in the long run. You know the whole saying about being someone's option, while they are your priority. It's not a good scene.
loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I agree with what the others here have said. You're not setting yourself in a good position to be valued by him even if he did choose you. A part of you probably doesn't see this as a problem as long as you get to be with him. But it will be a BIG problem. You should trust us on this one. The guy doesn't value or respect you.
Lucky555 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I empathize with you. However, you got to move on and No contact is the best way. Eventually once you have a new guy...you could be is platonic friend. Right now I think you are seeking a companion and he just happens to be a nice guy who listens to you...but you will probably want more. So move on and don't make this harder than it is. I wish you the best.
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