colosseum Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Alright. Bear with me, I don't know what it is; my insecurities or her. Been seeing this girl for a few weeks. She's inexperienced so she wants to take things slowly but we've kissed and done other naughty things (no sex). Being in school, we're leaving for summer break tomorrow. We won't see each other for 3 months. Now a few months ago, I started figuring out how to initially gain interest from women; confidence, fun, and act like nothing is that big a deal. That's how I got this girl's attention. She's bubbly and nothing but fun, and every date we've had so far has been "fun"-driven: tennis, parties, swimming, hunting for fruits on fruit trees, etc. (as opposed to conventional dinner, concert, movie, walk, etc.) I also thought that the key to early stages of dating was to keep some detachment so that there is something left to be desired and looked forward to. So I kept up the fun-vibe and met thrice a week, maybe. The frequency has been increasing, but it's been going great. Now I'm a sensitive guy, I admit; figuring out what I'm feeling at any given moment is not hard to tell. And I seek that emotional connection. She, on the other hand, is harder to discern and just doesn't seem too concerned with her emotions; not the feeling-oriented type, so it seems. So with summer coming, I started conveying a bit more of my feelings to her probably naturally. I didn't want to be exclusive over the summer because while she wanted to be exclusive, I just don't think I'm ready, and frankly neither of us has had a great experience trying a summer thing. She also said she didn't want to date over the summer (whatever that means?) I've been telling her recently that I'll miss her because I knew summer was coming. She has reciprocated the feelings concretely. But tonight I started feeling less from her. I wanted some reciprocation, but she was subtle if not refraining from them. Then she gave me that concerned look: I say to her, "What, do I seem like a desperate creeper now?" and she says "Well, I just hope you have some other things to look forward to in the summer, like just hanging out." Now she has been telling me that she will miss me. And I don't even think I've been articulating to her just how much I like her (maybe because I'm realizing it now). She said she will miss me, But tonight's statements seemed a bit tried (the night before she leaves). We plan on seeing each other tomorrow before she takes off. But I think I've had problems like this before. I have screwed up relationships before because I've been too demanding. I thought I've been doing well so far but I'm afraid it might happen again. So my question? How do you balance how much you want to see someone with giving them room? I don't understand, because isn't wanting to see someone a sign of affection? And if you've been seeing someone for some time wouldn't you expect the frequency of meetings and such to increase? I mean, if you go by those rules of the game players, all one is EVER going to do is see a girl twice a week MAX because hey, you want to keep things interesting and leave some "mystery." But if you're starting to really like someone, wouldn't you want to meet them and hang out with them more frequently? Is this a matter of reciprocation, or lack thereof? Or insecurity about if she really likes me? If so, what? Shi* well I do find myself asking her, and others of past, if she likes me. Why? I'm confused. And tonight's incident is important because I think it may illuminate what has been an obstacle for me in the past. Help! What the hell is going on...!
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 So my question? How do you balance how much you want to see someone with giving them room? I don't understand, because isn't wanting to see someone a sign of affection? And if you've been seeing someone for some time wouldn't you expect the frequency of meetings and such to increase? Here is the thing, relationships are just NOT POSSIBLE with everyone you meet. Sometimes, you can meet the greatest person, but for whatever reason, the two of you just dont mesh as well as you need to. I think your problem is that you seek out a relationship with woman before making sure that the two of your are compatible for that. And when you lay your cards out for women to see, they lose interest. Women really NEVER want what they know they can have. Thats boring, they want to be interested, and to a certain extent, they want to feel like you'll give in and commit to them because they are special, not just because they have a hot butt or something. Here is the advice Im trying to give myself. When you meet a woman, really put her through some analyzations before thinking she could be relationship material. Really try and feel out how she treats other people, what you have in common, and what kind of relationship you think the two of you can have. Dont just settle for someone because they are there.
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