The Most Important Relationship

[scootncash]

There are millions of relationships breathing and existing everyday in us and around us. The relationship itself is a bond. A unique kinship we have with someone. It is a conscious decision that we make to share with someone. It is contract of give and take. It can take your breath away and fill you with a joy that you've never known. It can bring tears and pain in places in you that you never knew existed. At its worst it can break your heart and alter your very existence.

 

Realtionships come in many different forms. All of us here have experienced many of these forms. Some are with our children, some with parents, some with friends, some with lovers, some with spouses, some within the people of our communities, of course the two most important, ourselfves and some with God.

 

The relationship that appears in most of the post here are the ones that exist between two people. I could write a book from just the different ones here. Each one of you bring a different facet of the relationship. Your experiences, your difficulties, your triumphs, your successes, and you distrauting pain.

 

We all long for that one relationship that will sustain us. You know "the one" we all look for. We set up such huge expectations that sometimes I think we set our own selves for defeat. If you asked me what the perfect realtionship would be like, if it really and truly existed, I could answer it.

 

Yes there is a perfect relationship. What would it be like? It brings happiness to the soul. It provides warmth and comfort. It agrees to disagree humbly without argument or defiance. It never betrays and is always unbiast. It gives love unconditionally without conciet. It is faithful and sustains you each and every day of your life. It backs you when no one else will. It builds trust and dedication. It provides satisfaction and security. It carries you when you can no longer walk. It holds you when you feel so alone in this world. Aside from the relationship with our God there is the perfect relationship. Pure and innocent, joyful and rewarding.

 

The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Its not the man or woman you love for or wish to reunite with. Its YOU.

 

Yes we all want the loving relationship we desire in our hearts. I see people here everyday all wanting that same thing. We talk here with each other trying to find answers and meanings to why our relationships arent going as we planned. We compose words upon words about our pain, the struggles we are going through with our loved ones or those who have left us behind. We try to comfort each other and provide advice from our own painful experiences. We offer what worked for us while others say it didnt for them. We ask if NC is the way to go, or is the new person in their life a rebound, or we know we shouldnt be in this because....but yet we love them. We ask should we go should we stay. We offer friendship and hugs to each other. Sometimes we offer tough love.

 

If you really look at it then the one question that surfaces from each and every post is WHY? We are all here to find out why something is working, why something isnt, why did they do this, why should i try again, why do i hurt so bad.

 

If we all want the relationship we so truly desire and we all need to know why then there is only one possible truth. That truth is to reconnect that important relationship with yourself. Here are the cold hard facts about the truth. A lot of us here also dispute the truth even when others point it out to us. The truth is you cant change anyone's mind, you cant convince them, you cant plead with them, you cant win them over with your affection, you cant beg them to do what you think is right, and you just cannot change a person. The only thing you can do is change you.

 

So what is changing you, what is developing a better relationship with yourself? Its a time to step back from whatever is stressing you like a breakup or a separation. Its a time to re-evaluate who you are. Some of us get so intangled in our relationships that we forget who we are. We mold our lives around someone else and in the process that shinning star in us is left smoldering in the darkness.

 

Look at your weaknesses, your strengths. Look at your unhealthy behaviors and look at your good ones. Find out exactly who you are and what it really is that YOU want at this time in your life. Take care of the body. Do things that keep you physcially active and mentally strong. What brings meaning and purpose to your life. What are your values, what are your goals? What inspires you to give your personal best?

 

Find a support group of friends and families. If your reading this then you've already started that step. Change any bad habits and learn new ones. Establish boundries of what you will and will not accept and stick to them. Learn how to really listen and not just hear. Learn to communicate in an effective manner that doesnt put anyone on the defense. Learn how to be sincere and real in your communication openly. Determine what you have in you to make love grow. Learn to meet your own needs and not depend on someone else to do it for you. You dont NEED anyone but yourself. Learn to step out of your comfort zone and challange yourself to make the necessary changes and empower your growth.

 

These are the things necessary to have the most important relationship. If you build on this then something extroardinary happens. You learn that only you can make you happy and you learn how to truly love as it was imprinted from God. You become comfortable in your own skin. You learn that giving is so very important. You love yourself and you begin to love your life. Having a relationship with yourself is a new beginning. Its a journey to choosing to live happily with the short amount of time we have on this earth.

 

By doing this you create a more balanced individual who is mature and capable of sustaining a healthy relationship with a partner. Your able to build a foundation of love with someone else. You cant love someone else if you cant love yourself.

 

You will never ever find that love you desire so dearly and so profusely with someone else if you do not create it within yourself. Take it one step at a time. Learn to love you and you'll be amazed at what kind of love you will attract from others. Its the very kind you have been searching for.

 

I hear so many of you in such desperate pain and heartache. Some of you pour out your heart and soul and your words actually can be felt. I hear the confusion and the frustration. And, for some of you, I hear you say its been a week, a month, 2 months and I've changed. But yet I still see the desperation in your words about why they havent called, why they are with someone else, why they want a divorce, etc. If your still asking about them then you havent found you. Until you find yourself they will not be looking for you. Until you find yourself you wont be able to have a better relationship even with the ex partner. Instead the promises of your changes will quickly fade with reconciliation and the same issues that were there before will once again rear their ugly heads. Until you find you the pattern will continue and you will always ask why. Until you find you and learn that real love comes from within you and not someone else you will never find what your looking for.

 

If you take these steps and you learn to love yourself the why's and the what for's and if I could just convince her, if i could just tell him, if I could just know why would no longer matter because you will find the answers your looking for in yourself.

 

Trust you. You will get you through anyting. You can be the love your looking for. You can depend on you. You will never forsake you. You will hold your hand. You will say enough is enough. You will heal your heart. You will release your pain. You will let go of fear. You will dry your tears. You will gather strenght. You will find courage. You will find your way. You will find the answers. You will love fearless and graciously. You can do anything. You will find the love that you deserve.

 

Relationships are everywhere. We handle them everyday. They are as significant to us the vital air we need. And when they dont go well we struggle against the grain. Take a step back. Develop your identity and earn your self knowledge. Take a risk and really get to know you. Your most important relationships depend on the very one with yourself. Believe in yourself and anything can happen if you truly want it.

 

My sincere gratitude to all of you here and I hope each and every one of you find your strength, your courage, yourselves, and of course the love of your life!

 

Scootncash