I've been all the right things, still he hasn't even done as little as saying hi

[wiseup]

It's been 7 weeks since he made up with his wife for the umpteenth time and sent me an email telling me that he would never contact me again so I could find my happiness.

 

I started NC immediately, never begged, asked for an explanation or acted in any irrational way. And I ignored him to the maximum, even slammed the door in his face once. But I still dream about him a lot. And in my dreams he always chose me over his wife and we were in a good relationship and things like that. My subconcious wishful thinking, I know. How pathetic is that, though? Dreaming about something that's completely contrary to reality. I also blocked him on AIM a month ago. But this afternoon I really couldn't help but unblocking him cuz this is really the only way I know he's still there. Plus, this EA started out as us talking to each other 3 hrs a day on AIM. This is our most important way of connecting. And I guess I'm not ready to let that go yet. Within an hour, he was online. I don't know if he's been online during the past month(cuz I blocked him) or it just happens today we both were. Anyway I am really just rambling here.

 

I just still miss him so much and everyday I pretend that I don't care about him at all. All the NC and ignoring him are just my pretense cuz I am hurt. Sometimes I wonder how he could just be ok with me not giving him the time of the day any more. How could he just not talk to me for 7 weeks while before we couldn't even last 3 days without talking to each other?

 

Will he ever start talking to me again? Cuz my pride is just too high to talk to him first after he said he wouldn't contact me any more. I wonder what will happen in the future.

[hopesndreams]

I wonder what will happen in the future.

 

Hopefully you'll wise up...wiseup.

 

Go get urself a single guy...there are plenty out there.

[bentnotbroken]

]It's been 7 weeks since he made up with his wife for the umpteenth time[/b] and sent me an email telling me that he would never contact me again so I could find my happiness.

 

I started NC immediately, never begged, asked for an explanation or acted in any irrational way. And I ignored him to the maximum, even slammed the door in his face once. But I still dream about him a lot. And in my dreams he always chose me over his wife and we were in a good relationship and things like that. My subconcious wishful thinking, I know. How pathetic is that, though? Dreaming about something that's completely contrary to reality. I also blocked him on AIM a month ago. But this afternoon I really couldn't help but unblocking him cuz this is really the only way I know he's still there. Plus, this EA started out as us talking to each other 3 hrs a day on AIM. This is our most important way of connecting. And I guess I'm not ready to let that go yet. Within an hour, he was online. I don't know if he's been online during the past month(cuz I blocked him) or it just happens today we both were. Anyway I am really just rambling here.

 

I just still miss him so much and everyday I pretend that I don't care about him at all. All the NC and ignoring him are just my pretense cuz I am hurt. Sometimes I wonder how he could just be ok with me not giving him the time of the day any more. How could he just not talk to me for 7 weeks while before we couldn't even last 3 days without talking to each other?

 

Will he ever start talking to me again? Cuz my pride is just too high to talk to him first after he said he wouldn't contact me any more. I wonder what will happen in the future.

 

 

The two bolded statements contradict each other. MM who goes back in forth between you and wife...seems pride is lacking in all parties.

[LadyDi]

They usually come back eventually.....

[wiseup]

They usually come back eventually.....

 

I mean, I've seen posts on forums all the time that someone's xMM comes back into their lives again. I guess just not my MM...

 

And the sad part is, I really think I did what I could've done best in this EA. I never pressured him to leave his W, was being a really good friend to him, even went as far as wrote an email to his W telling her that I won't talk to him any more if she will treat him well. I never said anything bad about him to his W. I never even came remotely close to being the bunny boiler type. I never did a single thing in this entire EA that would even potentially be bad for him.

 

He has said multiple times I am beautiful inside and out, one of the most wonderful people he's ever met, blablabla. I think he really felt that I am a great person and being in an EA with him was the worst and probably only bad thing I've done in my life. I just liked him too much.

 

On the other hand, his W throws stuff at him, throws temper tandrums frequently, demands him not having any female friends for the rest of his life, etc. Any of the above I would never do and I am pretty appalled that he would take all these crap. And when she wrote me, I was always polite and classy to her while she would call my names and stuff although I guess I don't blame her. The point is, objectively speaking, I really do think I am a better person than her and he feels that way too. But he would still go back to her. And they've only been married about a year and a half, dated a year before that, long distance the entire time when they were dating, no kids. He's only 24. He told me if he left now, in 10 years he probably wouldn't even remember this marriage. But still, he went back. Why???

 

He also told me in his relationship with her, he was trying to find an excuse to break up with her for over a year. He even hoped she'd cheat on him. She did that before. She cheated on her xbf with another xbf. But he could never end it himself. He couldn't say no. But I guess he has no problem saying no to me.

 

So unfair...

[OrangeKin]

And the sad part is, I really think I did what I could've done best in this EA. I never pressured him to leave his W, was being a really good friend to him, even went as far as wrote an email to his W telling her that I won't talk to him any more if she will treat him well. I never said anything bad about him to his W. I never even came remotely close to being the bunny boiler type. I never did a single thing in this entire EA that would even potentially be bad for him.

 

..Are you kidding me?

[Reggie]

First, don't believe him about his wife. He is an abuser and she may be reating to his abuse. He sounds like a truly messed up spouse, abusive, dishonest, scheming etc.

You are in some kind of fantasy, if you think you have been blaemless and the "better " person. You need therapy to help you figure out why you seem to have so little insight and integrity.

I don't think you are ready for a relationship with anyone, with these problems.

So, on the bright side, you can get better if you work at it. You are young enough that once you get help, you may have a bright future.

[Owl]

I'm not sure I understand your dilemma here...

 

You're doing all the right things by blocking him, ending the affair, etc... (although you need to reblock him on AIM).

 

He's doing the right things by NOT violating the NC...by working on his marriage and ending the affair.

 

What's the problem?

 

What are you doing to help yourself heal from this? Help yourself fill the gap of time/energy that the affair used to fill? Deal with the stress?

 

The affair is OVER. He's gone back to his wife/marriage/family. It's run its course. He made his choice when it comes down to it.

 

I get that its not the choice that you wanted it to be...but at the bottom of it all, the choice is made and the affair is over.

 

Speculating on what's going on in his life, daydreaming that he'll come back, etc... all of this is just prolonging your own pain, and preventing you from healing.

[NoIDidn't]

I'm with you, OWL.

 

I don't see there being a problem other than wiseup just wanting him to come back.

 

She doesn't want NC. She wants the A.

 

Isn't this in the wrong forum for actually being the OP and wanting to continue the A as an A and not talking about the A as it affects a marriage? Just asking.