Tizzy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I broke down and called my ex the other nite after coming across some pics of us that really made me miss him (as if I needed the pics to do that! lol). So I called him, he didn't pick up, but i did leave a short VM telling him I missed him, still thought of him and was disappointed but not necessarily surprised he hadn't reached out to me. (quick background: I broke up with him a couple wks ago from a 9 month relationship after realizing he had some selfish tendencies and didn't appreciate me for who I am. there were also some compatibility issues). So yesterday I get an email telling me he sees no point in reaching out to me if we are not what each other wants. He has a point. But I reached out to him b/c I miss him and still care a whole lot about him. However I know I do not want to go back to that relationship if nothing will change. I said all of that to say that breaking NC didn't feel so bad to me. This is a guy I care an awful lot about but I care so much more about ME and my feelings and what I need and want from a relationship. I refuse to settle for anything less than what I need and deserve (honesty, love, respect, chemistry, compromise, etc). It took me a long time to get to that sort of mentality, but I'm here now and have to admit that it feels very good to be in control of myself and not get disillusioned with hoping someone will eventually change and become the guy I want them to be to make me happy. I suppose that's why it's not hard for me to move beyond my feelings from that relationship. I did the best I could to make it work but realized it was becoming a one-way thing, something that just won't work in my book, no matter how much I love you. I realized it was time to cut my losses, so to speak, and move on before investing any more time, feelings and energy into someone who was unwilling or unable to reciprocate. I don't know if this will make sense to anyone or help anyone with their moving on past a relationship, but at the very least I just wanted to share my post-break up experience so far.
boogieboy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 It might not have been so bad for you, but it might have been pretty bad to him. You contacting him is pretty much a bad idea if you dont mean to hurt him. Let him heal, throw away the pictures and dont contact him anymore. If you tried and you know it wont work and he wont change, then leave him be for good.
EmperorR Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 It might not have been so bad for you, but it might have been pretty bad to him. You contacting him is pretty much a bad idea if you dont mean to hurt him. Let him heal, throw away the pictures and dont contact him anymore. If you tried and you know it wont work and he wont change, then leave him be for good. I agree, I'd be very very upset and hurt if my ex contacts me just to relieve her guilt.
LadyV Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I agree, I'd be very very upset and hurt if my ex contacts me just to relieve her guilt. Exactly!!!! I feel the same exact way. I totally agree EmperorR!
Author Tizzy Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Boogieboy, from the words and tone of his email, and just from the type of person he is in general, I can assure you that me contacting him wasn't a very "hurtful" thing for him. He just isn't...emotional like that, for lack of a better word. And Emperor, I didn't contact him to relieve any guilt. I have nothing to feel guilty about. I simply contacted him to let him know he is missed, loved and thought about. I tried hard not to pick up the phone, even felt like a dream while I was doing it (maybe b/c it was late as heck and I was sleepy as all get out--note: do not call ex while sleep drunk!), but what's done is done. I did it and I can't take it back. And to be honest, it felt good to do it. I'm glad I got a response. His email in response to my VM was confirmation that I made the right choice. Ironically enough, I learned even more about the depth of his warped mentality from that email.
Recommended Posts