t0ri Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I was just wondering if it is normal for the dumper to not contact the dumpee? I'm the dumpee, and I'm on day 24 of NC. So I obviously have said nothing to him, but neither has he. So does the dumper just never speak to you again and it's usually the dumpee who breaks NC?? What's the norm?
Cora Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I'm not really sure what the norm is. I am the dumpee as well and am on day 83 of no contact. I haven't heard from him and at this point I don't really care to. Now that I think about it NC was the best way to go.
webmuse Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 T0ri, don't break it nc now! It will only bring back all the initail pain (and probably more).. just let it go..
Author t0ri Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Day 83 Cora? Wow, good job! In my situation, my ex dumped me in late February, and would send me one mean text a week while drunk. Then we both started speaking after three weeks and were beginning to work things out for about a month. Then he dumped me again 3 and a half weeks ago, and I haven't heard from him since. Webmuse, no way. I'm absolutely NOT going to break NC and wasn't contemplating it. I was just wondering what the norm is for the dumper regarding NC.
webmuse Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 good for you.. there is no "norm" I don't think. I wish there was a rulebook you could go by but alas, the closest one I've found is the rules of no contact found on here by someone (I don't remember who but I am pretty sure someone else does know)..
Cora Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Wow what a jerk your ex was! Mine kind of did something similar. We broke up back in September of last year because he was seeing someone else. The first part of January of this year he calls me all drunk saying he made a huge mistake and begged me to forgive him...he missed me blah blah blah. Stupid me forgives him and then the end of February he drops off the face of the earth and I never heard from him again. Come to find out he was still seeing that same girl and was now engaged to her. I wouldn't expect an apology from your ex. He may in time who knows? But I'm starting to think guys like your ex and mine don't have hearts. I don't even think my ex ever thinks about me or wonders how I'm doing. It's fine with me because I know I don't need him in my life. Hang in there and whatever you do don't break the NC!! You will be so thankful later that you didn't!
boogieboy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 After seeing what happens to people on this board, it seems to go 50/50. SOme people get dumped and hear nothing for weeks then they break NC. Sometimes the dumper wont stop contacting the dumpee. its a lil scattered all across the board (so to speak).
kizik Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 If you get dumped, essentially being told that you are worthless to that person - why in the name of the Lord would you go back for more pain by contacting that person? To answer the question - dumpers SHOULD leave their dumped exes alone out of respect. Dumpees should respect themselves enough to never speak to someone again who CLEARLY does not want them.
LadyV Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 If you get dumped, essentially being told that you are worthless to that person - why in the name of the Lord would you go back for more pain by contacting that person? To answer the question - dumpers SHOULD leave their dumped exes alone out of respect. Dumpees should respect themselves enough to never speak to someone again who CLEARLY does not want them. I have to agree...I was the dumpee, then I dumped him, then he dumped me AGAIN....and boy, did it hurt like hell, only to have him contact me AGAIN and tell me he misses me...This was the 4th time he came into my life wanting to be a part of it. I realized what was going on, there was NO WAY I was going to go back to him, not unless things changed. Everyday we were in contact was hell...I even lowered myself and slept with him a few times...This was a month ago... 11 days, I told him enough was enough...loose my number, never contact me again.... I too think that it can go both ways, but in my situation, my EX dumbed me 2 times, I dumped him 1, and he was always the one to contact me first....Now, Im the one who is sticking to my guns and not talking to him hopefully ever again...
redy2 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think it depends on how the dumper wants to go. I mean if they want to string you along or put you back burner they will contact you enough to keep you intrested in them. But if you press them to hard they will bolt and not contact you for awhile. Then come back and try and re engage you. Proper form would be if they dump you they dont contact you. However having been in a relationship with you. They will miss certain aspects from it and will conatct you when they need reassurance. If that makes sense to anyone. Mine contacts me when she wants something. And when i say leave me alone or dont answer thats when she really starts going nuts or shows up at my house. I didnt past few days and she is on my doorstep at midnight beating my door. But if she has something going on with another guy she will not contact me. So now im like do i txt back to keep her from showing up or what.
LadyV Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Mine contacts me when she wants something. And when i say leave me alone or dont answer thats when she really starts going nuts or shows up at my house.QUOTE] Seriously??? I would be so upset if mine showed up at my door!!! I would probably call the cops if he was banging on the door. If you no longer answer the door for her, then she will get the hint.
redy2 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 well this week was first time she did it and like a dumb tail i let her in.
DarkestDreams Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 To answer the question - dumpers SHOULD leave their dumped exes alone out of respect. Dumpees should respect themselves enough to never speak to someone again who CLEARLY does not want them. Exactly! Come to think of it, in a weird way, I respect my ex for leaving me alone after he dumped me. It was his decision and he's man enough to own it. I only wish I had respected myself enough not to call him and be ignored afterwards. Ah well..live and learn.
Ayla Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I think it also depends on the bloke and how much he hurt you and how proud a person he is. Take mine for instance, he knows he hurt me really really badly, and he is also a very very proud man. He is not going to contact me yet - because he is too proud to. I know that he is avoiding his emotions at the moment by drowning himself in work and going out and drinking...he is barely even home (the place where we lived together). So I guess it depends on the person and the situation....
LoveLace Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 When people break up, there is still always any possiblity, regardless of who dumped who. Some manage to never speak again, others ask each other back, thing is the only way to find out how it ends up is to keep doing what you are doing and eventually you won't even care.
selena_cat Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I think it depends on how the dumper wants to go. I mean if they want to string you along or put you back burner they will contact you enough to keep you intrested in them. But if you press them to hard they will bolt and not contact you for awhile. Then come back and try and re engage you. Proper form would be if they dump you they dont contact you. However having been in a relationship with you. They will miss certain aspects from it and will conatct you when they need reassurance. If that makes sense to anyone. Mine contacts me when she wants something. And when i say leave me alone or dont answer thats when she really starts going nuts or shows up at my house. I didnt past few days and she is on my doorstep at midnight beating my door. But if she has something going on with another guy she will not contact me. So now im like do i txt back to keep her from showing up or what. OMG!! you are so right, you are describing mines to a T,except im the one who broke NC a while ago,guess i deserve it
IcemanJB Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 OP: you gotta let it go, and continue NC. A few here know my story very well. It took me about 1.5 months of contact with the ex after my breakup to realize the pain was just too much. She says the breakup was mutual, but I think it was mostly her. I'd say she was initiating contact about 90% of the time after the breakup. Finally I told her to not contact me until I did her first. She honored this 100%, which tells me without a doubt she respects me. Although she broke NC exactly 3 months after I started it, I had planned to break it anyway that day (weird coincidence). We're on good terms now, and although there are still feelings there, I'm perfectly capable of seeing other women without thinking twice. The last 5-7 contacts have been started by her though. Bottom line: your ex is probably doing you a HUGE favor not contacting you. It took me 3 months of NC to finally start healing a lot. Good luck.
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