sweetmanzanita Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Hi to all! I am new to loveshack and already bringing drama lol sort to say. I wanted to know how often guys have sex with their gfs/wife because I am currently living with my boyfriend (we've been together for 2 yrs and living together for 10 months) and we hardly have sex. So here is the story, he is 25 yrs old and I am 22, in the past months (around November last yr) we had to stop having sex because I had to deal with yeast/vaginal infections . However, its been over 3 months and I have been clean the doctor even said it was ok for us to have sex. However, we haven't really had sex (about 4-5 times in 3 months); he keeps telling me he is afraid I'll get yeast or something again but I am beginning to get tire of hearing this from him . Furthermore, I've tried seducing him to have sex with me like wearing sexy clothes, giving him bjs, hand-job, letting him play with my boobs, but in the end NO sex. The times we've actually had sex have all been because I've induced it to happen, I am beginning to feel like I am the one that always wants to have sex and like he is not really into it. I've asked him about it and he keeps telling me he is attracted to me, but I don't think he is bc of the two I am always the horniest. I don't know if it's because we live together now that he doesnt care to have sex with me, but when we started dating or actually for the first year we were going out we had sex nearly every night and even twice a day. Could he be cheating on me? Is he getting it somewhere else? Or he really just worried? I dunno what to think anymore....I just wanted to see if this is normal, to have sex sporadically...
GorillaTheater Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Sounds like there's a problem. My wife and I have had a phase or two like this, but we talked about it and have gotten through it (I was the one feeling deprived). We're in our mid 40s, and if the average is about 67 times a year (so I understand), then we're slightly above average.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I've asked him about it and he keeps telling me he is attracted to me, but I don't think he is bc of the two I am always the horniest. I don't know if it's because we live together now that he doesnt care to have sex with me, but when we started dating or actually for the first year we were going out we had sex nearly every night and even twice a day. Could he be cheating on me? Is he getting it somewhere else? Or he really just worried? I dunno what to think anymore....I just wanted to see if this is normal, to have sex sporadically... Sex amount always varies somewhat due to life situations. So, I would not worry that you are'nt attractive. I would check your BF for porn. Because you were not available for such a long period... he may have turned to porn for a while and got addicted. I've seen that happen to many guys.
Author sweetmanzanita Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 I would check your BF for porn. Because you were not available for such a long period... he may have turned to porn for a while and got addicted. I've seen that happen to many guys. He is not into porn, never has been. He says he just doesn't like it, too fake I guess. Actually I think, I've watch more porn than he ever has.
kizik Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Guys should want to have sex. If they don't, it is: 1) Drugs 2) Another woman 3) Total lack of feelings for you 4) Masturbation / porn
prettybaby Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Is he stressed/frustrated with other aspects of his life right now? Worried about finances? Struggling with other issues? And to answer the question: we have sex every time we see each other, which is about twice a week. Often times both night + morning (we do sleep overs); so I guess average = 3 or 4 times a week, it depends. Mind you, we don't live together like you guys.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 3-4 times per week? 3-4 times a month is a rut? Obviously none of you people are married. I'm lucky if I get head once a year.
thewingwoman Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 It is possible it's not another woman, a porn addiction, or any of the other stuff mentioned. Is he on any medications? My ex didn't find out until he was 3 months into his new meds that one of the side effects was a loss of sex drive, his doctor and pharmacist both failed to mention it. Other health issues may be to blame also. Blood pressure issues are rare in someone so young, but I've known it to happen, and that can definitely affect his libido. As has been mentioned, the most common culprit of a man's sudden low sex drive is stress. Is he having issues at work? Maybe something going on in his family? Money issues?
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Maybe he would just rather beat off and go to bed. We've all been there.
SophieA Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Well....been w/ my bf for more than 5 years now...and we had sex 3-4 times a week (before the LDR started ). And I am MISSING it. (We'll probably do it 3 times a day in July when I visit. HAHA)
kizik Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Oh come on. A guy is a guy. Guys want to f*ck. If there is no f*cking going on, there are BIG problems.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Oh come on. A guy is a guy. Guys want to f*ck. If there is no f*cking going on, there are BIG problems. Marriage has a way of castrating a guy.
kizik Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Marriage has a way of castrating a guy. I am sorry to hear that.
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Marriage has a way of castrating a guy. I don't think that's a fair statement. I know plenty of married people that have sex daily.
Bejita463 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Oh come on. A guy is a guy. Guys want to f*ck. If there is no f*cking going on, there are BIG problems. Possibly. It doesn't necessarily have to be a problem with the relationship itself though. Sufficient levels of stress can be a serious bone softening agent. Sex can relieve stress, but it is not a panacea.
Author sweetmanzanita Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Is he on any medications? My ex didn't find out until he was 3 months into his new meds that one of the side effects was a loss of sex drive, his doctor and pharmacist both failed to mention it. Other health issues may be to blame also. Blood pressure issues are rare in someone so young, but I've known it to happen, and that can definitely affect his libido. As has been mentioned, the most common culprit of a man's sudden low sex drive is stress. Is he having issues at work? Maybe something going on in his family? Money issues? He is not on medications, he is actually quite healthy. Until about 2 days ago, when he applied for a higher position, he didn't have stress at his job, as a matter of fact he tells me its an easy job (extremely easy compare to what I will be doing in a year --civil engineering) and he gets paid well. I've seen his bank statement, so I know he is well off, no financial issues.
missdependant Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Maybe he is depressed? Been with my guy for almost as long as you and your BF.. and we still have sex almost every day. Whatever the case, I don't think your situation is normal.
lucky1 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think he is still probably freaked out about the whole thrush thing. Just talk to him about that and just reassure him that you are fine now. Let him now that its a normal thing which heaps of people get affected by and its not from lack of hygiene which most guys seem to think.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Twice a week. But we only see each other 3 days per week. Semi-LDR. I think if we were living together, it would be every other day.
prettybaby Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Has the baby topic been mentioned? Maybe he's put off by the idea of a possible pregnancy (maybe even unconsciously)? I know some guys can lose a whole lot of sex drive at the thought of possible children. Marriage and engagement topics can also have that effect I don't know if you guys have ever discussed such topics? Do you take BC pills? If he's a bit informed, he probably knows that the medication you took for that yeast infection could mess up your BC for a while; so maybe he's kinda freaking out at the thought of an unplanned pregnancy as a result of this whole situation. I mean, if he's healthy, stress-free, and has a good financial situation, then something is going on. Could he have fallen out of love with you/fallen in love with someone else? One last point: when you had a yeast infection, did he uhm, see something that might have turned him off really bad? I've never had a yeast infection, but one of my best girl friends did, and she said it could be pretty gross. That being said, whatever it is, it is also clear to me that you guys need to work on your communication. There's only so many scenarios we can try to come up with here, and they'll be pointless unless he confirms something to you. I think it's time for you to have a serious (but relaxed) conversation with him. Cuddle up in the couch with a cup of coffee or something, and try to address all those issues. Make it clear that it matters to you, and that you really would like to figure out how to make things better, but that it won't be possible until he opens up to you.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Quote: Originally Posted by Glenn Quagmire Marriage has a way of castrating a guy. I am sorry to hear that. That made me laugh. OP, I think he is just freaked out about the yeast infection. Usually guys don't like thinking of such delicate parts as functional and faulty and just want to think of them as sexual. Yeast infections take away the thin cover. But seriously , if that is the case, he needs to get over it. You need to talk to him about it and tell him you aren't happy. I wouldn't be so sure he isn't looking at porn even if he tells you otherwise. I have found that is one thing alot of men lie about. Something like that you had to tell him because you couldn't have sex but in the future, a little mystery is good and you don't need to tell him all your feminine problems with the sturdy vagina.
Author sweetmanzanita Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 I think he is still probably freaked out about the whole thrush thing. Just talk to him about that and just reassure him that you are fine now. Let him now that its a normal thing which heaps of people get affected by and its not from lack of hygiene which most guys seem to think. Thanks I think you are right, he might think I am dirty and not in a positive way. lol. TO: Prettybabe --no he didn't see anything that could've gross him out, I am pretty careful with that. But I will do as you say sit him down and converse with him nicely and peacefully about how unhappy I've been feeling. TO: Jersey Shortie ---I thought communication is key to a relationship besides I didn't want to one day just tell him "oh yeah don't feel like having sex tonight" and keep telling him the same thing for 8 nights in a row (or more as it was my case). I originally told him I was just indispose...he thought I had migraines but then he got worried (like I am now) and I had to explain to him that it was not that I didn't want to have sex I just couldn't. And bc I was constantly stressed I kept getting it .....anyways as you said men lie and he mightve turned to porn Anyways just wanna thank all of you for your input and help much appreciated...will let you know what happens
normal Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Yes, you must communicate this with him. Don't let this go for much longer... It may bring on the end of the relationship, for a variety of different reasons. If sex is important to you, then it is important to your relationship. Don't let this go much further or you may start feeling unloved, uncared for, unwanted. And you don't deserve that. Good luck.
bobdole Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 How often do you have sex with your significant other? Once every... never. Well exageration, but once a month or two months sadly. She'll go through spurts of wanting it 3-4 times a week but they are short lived and few between.
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