Wife been different since she's been back and told me she's not happy..

[keltin]

Hi everyone,

 

First off thanks for the hand and tips on this, I will try to be brief with my story.

 

I am 28 and my wife is 30. We have been together since I was 18 and married when I was 26 so we have been married almost 3yrs now.

 

Any how recently my wife went to another province 2 weeks ago to host a bridal shower for her friend who she is going to be the maid of honor. She was gone for 10 days.

 

When she got back she seemed fine but told me she had this great job opportunity and that she would like to move there and while she told me this she suggested that she goes first for a few months and that I come after ward. I was gung ho for this and I started looking for jobs myself there but she began to get mad and say thats not the plan. I want to do this and go there first etc....

 

We then had a little argument (nothing major) about another issue and that night she chose to sleep on the couch and also the next night until I said I'd like for her to come sleep in the bed. Through out this time (about a week) I noticed she was a bit distant from me and at times seemed happy again.

 

This was just killing me because she was insisting she goes before me and at time throwing out light comments like hopefully this will work between us. I also forgot to mention we live in the basement suite of her parents house and her dad is a very controlling person. We have been here 8yrs now.

 

Any how, yesterday I was job searching again and I told her about this job opening there and she quickly got defensive, asking where was I going to live etc.... I then heard her mumble "you just don't understand"

 

So I very nicely asked her what she meant and went and sat next to her and we had a nice talk. She told me that she wasn't happy with things and that I was a bit controlling and becoming like her dad. (I agree with her and told her I would fix that but please note I am far off from her dad) She said she wanted to move to this place first as planned and then we will see what happens from there.

 

She also told me that she seen how her friend and her soon to be husband were and want us to be like that. (not sure how that is)

 

She also had two good friends here that she has had a rough time with recently and she has been commenting that she needs her "me" time.

 

Also I'd like to throw in that where she is going has a bunch of people that she knows from her home town (several guys) and she made reference that one of them said told her that he always had a crush on her but was afraid to ask her out and she responded to him with that she also did to. Should I be concerned that while she was away she may have come mentally attached to another man ?

 

Since this is in the early stages I am really hoping to fix it as I truly love my wife to death. Any pointers suggestions?

 

Really sorry if I missed any points etc... and I hope I was clear.

 

Thanks

MK.

[Chrome Barracuda]

She's cheating...or planning to cheat.

 

Divorce her to not go though the pain. I'd rather dump her to the curb because right now it will happen.

[hopesndreams]

You've made it clear. She's going to leave you. Nothing you do or say will change that. The only thing that could help in your situation is to help her pack her bags and for you to move out of her parents basement, and don't forget the tissues. You're in for one helluva sobfest. Be tough! Don't show her any of your weakness!

[mark982]

she's interested in that guy again, plus she's seeing this as a way to get away from her controling dad. she's just telling you you're controling to ease her guilt.but why are you living in her dads basement after all these yrs.

[Enema]

Even if you try to save the relationship at this point it won't work and you'll lose your dignity. She's moving there to see if she can do better than you and if not well... she's keeping you around as a backup plan.

 

She's the one doing this, she's the one that's already checked out of the marriage. She has to pay the price.

 

Divorce!

[reservoirdog1]

Wow... we're all speaking with one voice, aren't we?

 

She clearly doesn't want you to go with her, only she's too chicken to just come out and say it.

 

This is just me, but I'd pretty much tell her that. "I'm going to save you from having to say what you're too cowardly to say anyway. You don't want me to go with you and you want this marriage to end. That's fine. Starting tonight, I'll stay with _________ until I find my own place. You can have your wish."

 

Then, follow through on it. Find a buddy who'll let you couch surf. Or your parents, or a sibling.

 

If you act suddenly and quickly enough, it'll be a total surprise to her. And if you want fix the marriage, her being surprised and worried that she actually stands to lose you permanently and that you're not going to sit around pining for her will really work in your favour. It'll make you more desirable to her.

 

If it works out for you two as a couple, I don't think you should move to the other province, especially given what you said about the guy from her past. Recipe for disaster.

[SRV]

She wants to let you off easy and not with a "thud".

 

She is moving alone to go explore the potential with the other guy.

 

Just out of curiosity, why have you been living in her dad's basement for eight years?

[seibert253]

She found someone else she's interest in while away. She wants a test ride, (no pun intended), to see if it's better than what she already has. She wants to string you along as a back-up or fall back on.

 

I would tell her what you suspect. If you really agree with moving there, advise her you are moving there together. But, if you do not want to move, and I suggest you do not, tell if she leaves you are not going to stop her. But, if she moves, your marriage is over. Basically you're telling her choose me and your marriage, or your fantasy test ride.

 

I tell you I don't think it's a good reason to move because if you do, she will go behind your back and pursue whatever interests she has. Then if you split, you're stuck.

[seibert253]

Wow... we're all speaking with one voice, aren't we?

 

She clearly doesn't want you to go with her, only she's too chicken to just come out and say it.

 

This is just me, but I'd pretty much tell her that. "I'm going to save you from having to say what you're too cowardly to say anyway. You don't want me to go with you and you want this marriage to end. That's fine. Starting tonight, I'll stay with _________ until I find my own place. You can have your wish."

 

Then, follow through on it. Find a buddy who'll let you couch surf. Or your parents, or a sibling.

 

If you act suddenly and quickly enough, it'll be a total surprise to her. And if you want fix the marriage, her being surprised and worried that she actually stands to lose you permanently and that you're not going to sit around pining for her will really work in your favour. It'll make you more desirable to her.

 

If it works out for you two as a couple, I don't think you should move to the other province, especially given what you said about the guy from her past. Recipe for disaster.

 

I actually like this idea. Clever.

[webmuse]

Yep Keltin, I'd have to agree.. she's either cheated on you already or (worse) she's planning on cheating on you..

 

Sorry you gotta go through this!

[Woggle]

She met somebody else out there and wants to test him out. If you twi don't have any kids I suggest you let her go without you and forget about her. You are only 28 years old so you can easily cut your losses and divorce her so you you can move on with your life. There are plenty more women out there so don't waste your time with her.