notalone Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 When I am replying to other peoples' threads on this forum...my answers so bloody sensible, it doesnt even sound like me! I tell people to keep up the NC, to hold their head high, I assure them that life does get better. ..and basically try to be this calmer-than-thou voice of reason. Why then, do I have days like today when all I want to do is to hope that he would come back to me. He won't...I know it. But why don't I care about my dignity or sanity today and foolishly checked his FB page??? My own voice of reason is annoying me today. Arrrgghhhh. Can you always do things the way you tell others to do??
EmperorR Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Not always I'm weak, I'm still in the mode thinking I'll be alone for ever. Yet I always say don't worry you'll find someone who appreciates you. I always preach nc as well by I would have broken it 100 times by now if I knew my ex number, thankfully I don't
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I'm not a big proponent of NC, at all costs. Use it consistently, if you're determined to move on. Break it, if you want to, if only to get that much needed kick in the posterior from a dose of reality, to keep on moving on. Pride in self is a good thing, to a reasonable degree. You decide what's reasonable, not anyone else.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Oh barely ever can I take my own advice. I love to give advice, if it ever helps i'm not entirely sure! There's always that little nagging voice. For me, its not so much to contact him, I have no wish at all to text, email or phone him. I did during the first couple of days....but anger and self-protection (I know it would upset me) prevent me. I do sometimes want to check up on him....not sure why.... I looked at a couple of pictures of him today. To me he is still so physically gorgeous. Thats just another thing to get over; their eyes, their bodies....DAMN I think everyones a bit of a hypocrite sometimes. Its hard to take your own advice. I guess thats why websites like this exist, so we can take the advice of others, and give the advice we should be giving to ourselves, to someone else.
LadyV Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Yes, I have to agree...It's hard to take my own advice too...but reading everyone's posts here and realizing that yes, I am human, yes, I make mistakes, I'm not alone in this and have a lot of friends who support me, and a lot of others here who are going through the same thing.... Everyday I have to fight urges...But in the end, when I do, I feel so much better as well as happy that I can share with everyone here, as well as read up and see how everyone is doing... You are not alone in this...Lots of people understand...shoot, I am trying to understand why I do the things I do sometimes....lol
Tizzy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I try hard to practice what I preach but must admit I don't consistently do it Hey, I'm human!!! But I can say that I've noticed the older I get and the more of life I experience, the more I do actually follow my own advice. And I think it's starting to work for me
TaraMaiden Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 We all try to say what we believe people need to hear. People come to this forum for advice, and we gauge our responses according to what we read - on the page and between the lines. So I would say for a greater part of the time, we probably would not follow our own advice. But it's not advice to ourselves they are looking for. Every circumstance is different, every poster is different. All we know of their lives is what they happen to have written in that moment. There are so many other complications probably going on, and remember, we are only getting one part of the tale. The other person does not usually put their side..... ~ ~ ~ I find also that we are somehow 'drawn' to some posts, and just not attracted to some others; occasionally, I look at the day's posts, and I see posts submitted the day before or some time ago, that have zero responses. I open them to read (and they have received other 'hits', so I am not alone) yet.... I simply don't feel like responding. At the risk of sounding callous (and I don't think I am) I seem to get the impression that we are turned off by some posts maybe because they are whingeing, or "ho-hum, yet another one....." I don't know, I am merely guessing......
Steadfast Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I show my strongest self in my posts, but for the most part it's true. When my wife moved out and continued cheating (she had a second affair after the first) I filed for divorce and totally went NC. Well, except for the kids, but it was minimal. I did it. For eight months there was no conversation about us, the marriage. She was served and signed after a long period of resistance, and she changed. After, when the divorce was final and we could talk again, she explained that she really didn't think it would come to this; that -somehow- it would all work out. She said she did love me...missed me, was 'crazy about me' and always would be. I never expected to hear that, but you know what? After everything me and the kids had been through, it wasn't enough. Words. Show me the actions and we'll have something to talk about. Well, that's a work in progress... So, my point is this; NC and really moving on is one's ONLY hope. It is critical that the cheater be shown that you WILL NOT tolerate being involved in that. They can do it if they choose, but YOUR choice is to remove yourself from the ugliness. See, their actions prove they have no respect for you and your feelings, that they have the 'power' over you and you'll be there -if or when- they decide they are finished exploring and want to return to the safety and comfort of home. Bottom line; you're a big part -a HUGE part- of their independence. How's that for feeling used? So, the answer is yes notalone. Speaking for myself, I am battle tested and have the scars to show for it. We're all the same but different, yet human nature is human nature...that's why we can all relate so well.
Chinook Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I learned the hard way. Yes, I practice what I preach. I value myself, my dignity, my sanity and my life. On those hard days, I just. keep. breathing. He didn't and doesn't deserve me. So I will keep walking without looking back.
TheBigCow Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I try not to preach as best I can avoid it. I normally try relate to my own situation and let people know how I handled the same emotions and the mistakes that I felt I made. As was earlier said, everyone should decide themselves what is reasonable/correct.
boogieboy Posted May 17, 2009 Posted May 17, 2009 I definetly dont, not in my one instance. I have the same situation that many posts say here, the girl says "lets take a break" and when we do, she keeps texting me every week "how you doin?". Ive preahced many times to "cut her off, shes keeping you on a leash and she will never get back with you." But I dont do it. Im wondering why she insists on reliving some friendly nostalgia with lunch dates with me. I guess I post a cut off to other guys on here so they dont go though the same thing that Im experimenting with. Im an ass. She turned it up a notch to HS kid games. She texts me "hey baby, how are you?" To get me to respond for her ego. Now Im acting unavailable to see what she does, and it is working. Im obsessed and will have to play this out until I find out how this works out for future knowledge. Or until I get a new girl. I am the worst case scenario. But its for research.
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