so_confused7 Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 Okay- it has been almost 3 months since my boyfriend of 2 years called the "break/split." We have had contact numerous times since (sometimes it has been good- and other times it was bad). He is in his senior year of college and thus surrounded by "fun" all of the time and I have been out now for 2 years- so I am kind of passed that point and left with more time on my hands to dwell on all of this. He is going out now and doing things he didnt used to do and my boring life is still going on as usual. I honestly believe right now my problem is that I want what I can't have! I know he has kind of been hanging out with someone else (who is definitely NOT his type but..... i guess infatuation has got the best of him here and he chooses to ignore her past- which is not so good??!!). The beat-all is that she lives .2 of a mile away from me- so I have to go by her house all of the time and see his car there!!! And the more I see him there, the more I want him back (I can't explain it other than the "you want what you can't have principle")!! I can't honestly say that if he came back that I would want him back- but it is just the chase of trying to win him back is what is eating at me!! Why is this?????? I know I just need to let go and cut all contact with him- but all of that is SO much easier said than done!! The longest we have been without speaking to each other is 1 week!! Just the fact that I know he is hanging out with someone else makes me want him back so much more!!! I dont understand how you can date someone for 2 years and jump right into something else? Could he have genuine feelings for her- or is he just trying to fill the holes that our ended relationship left? Is cutting all contact with him the only true way to make him "miss" me and our relationship? If he never decides to come back, how long will this whole "healing" process last?? It is killing me
iceprincess Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 Hi, sweetie, I'm so sorry about what happened. I know how it feels to want someone you can't have, and yet you know that if he came back, you probably don't want him anymore because of what he did. I hope that makes sense. You're feeling left behind, because it seems like those two years meant nothing to him; he's obviously having "fun" with someone else. If you need to, take a different route so that you won't see his car in her driveway. We all have our pasts so the girl that he's seeing now could be the nicest person. You're feeling a lot of anger, resentment, jealousy and sadness right now. It is easier said than done when people say to just let it go and move on, but it's the truth. It's times like this that you need to grab ahold of your inner strength and be strong. The best thing to do, that I've done, is to fill up your days with activities. Don't mope around raging about things that you can't do anything about. Don't think about the "good" times with him, because that just creates a space in your heart for loneliness and longing. You will pull through and eventually find someone who will want to hang out with you and care about your thoughts and feelings. For now, think happy thoughts, live your life. I always think about all the hungry, neglected children in the world...then I look at myself and I think about how lucky I am to be healthy and I feel ashamed at making big deals out of small everyday occurances, when there are people out there that don't have as much as I do. That's how I coped with my break-up. I wish you the best of luck. When your EX see's how happy you are, and how you don't need him to lean onto, then he'll realize what a great person he let go.
moimeme Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 I call it the 'dog with a bone' syndrome. You don't want it but you don't want anybody else to have it, either. It can be a part of the splitting process. Keep reminding yourself about why you broke up rather than about what you liked about him. And then take a different route home or find other things to fill your mind with than him. Visit other friends, take up a new hobby, do something to occupy your brain. Eventually, it will get better but by constantly pining for the old relationship, you are keeping the wound open. Leave it alone to heal.
kurty Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 its a rebound. its up to him to choose his path, nothing much you can do hang on there my friend, you are not the only one undergoing this pain. you are not alone
brittanyjean259 Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 yeah your not the only one...i just got out of a 3 year relationship and they rebounded..but i know its over.. it is the worst pain ever...you can also think to your self this.." okay im feeling pain now...and will for a little bit...but one day i will be just as happy or even more....this will be a low peak in your life... it is easy said than done...man its hard so glad there are people to talk to this about who understand.
slubberdegullion Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 it is the worst pain ever... If the end of a love affair is the worst pain you've ever had, then you've led a very charmed life.
brittanyjean259 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 yeah i guess through out 17 years of my life, im lucky to not have experienced anything more unbearable....but this is my first time of ever having to go through a healing process.. i know there are deeper heartaches than a break up, i just havent gone through those yet.. yet,,
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