jenyonly Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 hi, im new here and i prolly should have done this along time ago. This september will be 2 years that my husband had an emotional affair at work. I had been very sick with extreme post partem depression at the time which had turned into regular depression. My husband was not supportive and would yell at me for crying and not being happy. So when i confronted him on cheating, he admitted his emotional affair. He told me he loved her and he would sleep with her. He told me how pretty she was and that since he no longer had feelings for me he "gave" them to her. I felt so sick and scared. If i wouldnt have been "sick" at the time i would have left but im a stay at home mom without many options so i stayed. I told him he had to end all contact with her and at first he refused and said he could be friends with her if he wanted to. . He still works with her today but he says they have no contact. Last year he changed his whole story and said she stalked him and he repeatedly told her to stay away from him. So 2 years later i still dont belive him. we went to counseling but he still syas it was my fault for being depressed and not there for him. We have our good days and many more bad days. Ive caught him cleaning himself "down there" before work, checking out girls on myspace, and he puts so much effort into his appearance for work at a maintenence job, but stays in his pajamas on his days off. I just cant find a way to trust him. I have always had trust issues because my dad left me when i was a baby and my daughters dad cheated on me numerous times while i was pregnant with her. Everyday when he leaves for work i think hes cheating and it has ruined our whole relationship. I just thought he would do more to ease my mind. He has tried but i just can't get past the whole thing. He is always "too busy" for me and the kids and that just seems to make it worse. I really need help, because without trust there is no relationship. Any help from someone whos been through this. Thanks/
TaraMaiden Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 You fix your marriage by terminating it. In this particular situation, I believe this is the best and only remedy available to you. I wish you well. _/l\_
Athena Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think you need to work on yourself -- and not on the marriage. How about getting a job so you become financially independent eventually?
sugarmomma Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 It takes two to make a marriage work and he doesn't sound committed to your marriage. I would say work on becoming the woman you would like to be and you may not even want to be with someone so disrespectful. How dare he cheat after you have given birth to his baby? Some people can be so cold and heartless. He didn't seem to have any compassion or remorse for hurting you by having the affair. The magic is not in him and once you see that you will be a lot better off.
DNU1 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 marriagebuilders *dot* com Head there and read, read, read, read...then read some more. Head to discussion forums and post this story under General Questions II...you will get hundreds of replies on how to handle this. And how to cope. And how to work on your marraige. And how to work on yourself. I found that place after DDay#2 (OM#3), and looked deep inside my soul. I vowed to fight for my marriage at that point and the books and folks on the boards there were very helpful! Unfortunatley DDay#3 / OM#4 was still lurking in the distance...and I'm not at Plan Divorce. Bummer. But with help of Harley principles and mb.com I've grown stronger and healtheir and am a better person for the experience. Don't get me wrong, this sucks beyond all belief. But back in December I don't think I could have handled this as well as I am now. God bless and good luck.
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