lozzle Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 2 months since my ex and I broke up. I'm new so i'll give a little background. We were together for 2.5 years, had a great relationship, i loved him with ALL my heart, we both thought we were the one, wanted to get married etc. I wanted to give the rest of my life to him. Towards the end of the relationship we started arguing alot and h made me feeling very very guilty every time we had a fight. Like it was my fault that he kept threatening to leave me. Don't get me wrong i'm not trying to say i'm perfect, I know i'm not lol, but i belive little fights every now and then are normal in a relationship, he however did not. I started to get very very down on myself and ended up feeling like i wanted to answer to him all the time, and couldnt put a foot wrong because he might leave me. It was a mutual decision to split in the end, although I was very unhappy about it, as it was a big part of my life, and i did love him VERY VERY much. Anyway, the first part was hard, I felt absolutely terrible, then I started to get a little better and stayed that way for a few weeks, but now I feel as if i've taken a step back again. I want to get over him so much, andd move on and just be happy. But part of me is still holding onto what we had and wondering if he was the one, and making me feel like i'm still in love with him. I knkow in reality i'm not, im just really not liking the fact that it takes up most of my thoughts in the day and is making me feel really bad again. If anyone has experienced this sort of set back, any advice is very much appreciated. thanks! I just need to know i will get over it, and actually feel better inside
GoneButNotForgotten Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Everyone has their ups and downs when dealing with a breakup. It has been about 6 months for me and I'm mostly healed as far as I can tell. But during that time I noticed that healing is not a straight line upwards. It is a rollercoaster somedays it goes up and some days it goes down. You can't really control it, just have to hold on and take the ride until you get to the end. For the first few months it was extremely hard on me and every day I wanted to call my ex and beg for her to come back to me. I didn't and right now I'm glad that I didn't. I did nothing wrong and am proud of who I am. As time goes on the pain fades. I can't tell you that it will ever be completely disolved because I don't know. I do know that it does not bother me really anymore. Every so often something weird will set it off, but it passes quickly. The other day I found a card she sent me for valentine's day a few years ago. It hurt to find it. I thought I had removed all of that stuff. It sucked for a bit, but I just sort of shrugged and and went on with what I was doing. It takes time and the light at the end of the tunnel may always seem out of reach, but one day all of the sudden you start to see things in a different light. And it really gets much better from there. Most people on here know what it's like and have been through it. We are here to offer any support and advice that we can. It is not an easy time and everyone has their own way of doing things. But I know a few people here gave me ideas and things that helped me in the end. We're here, we give our sympathies and hope you find the strength inside that you need to move on.
boogieboy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Only time and keeping busy will help you. Theres no painless solution to getting over someone. You could try shopping around for a new beau.
Author lozzle Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Well, I'm not sure i'm ready for someone else yet! I just want to know i'm over him and be happy! I've had alot go on in my life, i'm 17 and i've lost my grandad recently, my dad has heart faliure, i have suffered with depression (although fighting atm) and been ill myself. I also had an operation in december which has left me in a bit of pain now. I just feel like everything is getting on top o me, and I hve exams very soon, i'm worried i'm gonna get depression back again and never get sorted and always feel this way. That would be so terrible I don't know. I don't WANT to see my ex's face when i close my eyes anymore, and I know alot of people go through this, I just... argh i dunno, need some support! Thank you!
trustydusty Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I know what you are going through about seeing your exes face when you close your eyes. It's been a much shorter period for me (a little more than a week) since the break up, and sometimes i am consumed with thoughts about her, i doesn't make the day easy to deal with at times. But you are young and there will be other great guys out there that won't make you feel guilty, and that you don't have to answer to. I know it's tough, believe me im coping myself, but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us. It just takes some time.
Author lozzle Posted May 17, 2009 Author Posted May 17, 2009 Yeah I really hope so. It's just so many more issues than my ex. I'm depressed and I can see no way out. It's really really getting to me. I don't think I can go on anymore. It sounds extreme but I hate these feelings. I can't see a way out. I'm soooo depressed and I just want to end it. I really do. Ideally, i just want to be happy, and know HOW to just lead a normal life. I just don't.
lofi_tokyo Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 When I was grieving my breakup with an ex, I tried and tried and tried to be happy. I wanted to move on but it seemed impossible. You know what though? I'm happy now, and I don't hurt in the slightest over romantic feelings for my ex. Just remember that the two month mark is a not long. You dated this man for 2.5yrs. I dated the ex I am referring to for the same amount of time, and lord knows, I was a wreak at two months. I had hardly moved from day 1 of the break up. Believe it or not, time does heal all things. I personally found waiting for those months to pass to be the hardest part. I just wanted to get over the guy so I could be happy again. Time flies though, even if it feels like its moving slow, before you know it, youll be feeling better and better each day. For me it was been somewhere around 9 months. Where do I stand? Well, I am incredibly happy in my life right now. With regards to my ex, weve begun (just recently) to talk again. There is no romance between us, but it feels WONDERFUL knowing that... I've past the pain. I can now talk to him casually and its just nice... the wounds have healed and I feel no longing, nor any anger or remorse. You'll get there someday. Keep telling yourself that when things get ****ty. Post here. Remind yourself of goodthings that happen to you daily, even if theyre super small. I found writing each good even on my calander really helped - i could see just how much fun I was actually having... sometimes its easy to take the good for granted when youre in the midst of a breakup. Goodluck. Youve got a long life ahead of you. There will be pleanty more hard parts to come, but the good times will make it all worthwhile.
lizzy_09 Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Hi, All! New to this forum. By the way, cool site. People share their experience in life and you get views from different perspective.
Author lozzle Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Thanks tokyovogue, your words really comforted me. I know the feeling of wanting to get over him so badly! I can't see myself ever being comfortable talking to him again, but who knows. It's just this depression as well thats making it so hard, I had it before we broke up as well, although this isn't the reason we split. He was always incredibly supportive. It's just awful now because I want to feel happy from that as well but I know there is no overnight cure. Anyway, thank you for your reply!
Author lozzle Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Urgh, So I was sort of seeing this guy, but not, we are good friends but thats it. Last night we ended up kissing and feeling around... Nothing inside clothes, but I feel so guilty now! I don't know why, I just do. Maybe it's because it sort of burns bridges with my ex, all I could think of was him and that freaked me out so much. I can't do this generally Depression, getting over him, being with another guy. I wish last night had never happened.
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