Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 The next time he "busts out a move", that's when you shut him down. "I wasn't kidding about wanting to only be friends. While I enjoy your company, I'm working through some things in my life which doesn't include anything more than friendships. I hope you can understand this."
Island Girl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 The next time he "busts out a move", that's when you shut him down. "I wasn't kidding about wanting to only be friends." I'd say the above but leave no room for a difference later on. "I wasn't kidding or being coy when I told you I just want to be friends with you. We are neighbors and we are having a friendship - but that is all I ever want it to be EVER. Just friends."
Author Ruby Slippers Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 ^ I have said ALL THAT, and more. He will lay off for a while, then try again! Man, the dude is persistent. He did say he respects my decision, but his actions do not line up with that. I never should have given him homemade strawberry pie and pizza. That probably did him in. I guess I need to have a talk with him. We get along really well. I think it would be a shame to stop being friends completely. I'm sad that it might have to come to that.
Island Girl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 ^ I have said ALL THAT, and more. He will lay off for a while, then try again! Man, the dude is persistent. He did say he respects my decision, but his actions do not line up with that. When he raises the subject again why don't you say, "why do you keep doing trying to make a move to date me or "get together" that way?" And then say nothing - let him be uncomfortable or whatever but don't let him out of it. Maybe if he feels some of the same uncomfortable feeling that he makes you feel (not your problem so you shouldn't feel uncomfortable) then he'll be reluctant to tempt that same reaction and just stop. And RS you should have known! Strawberry pie??!! I'd probably end up making a move and I'm not even gay. Seriously my mom gets men to do all kinds of things by giving them baked goods. That probably got him even more stuck on the possibilities...!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 I'm from Texas... y'all. We were chatting on his porch today, and he said, "I'd empty my wallet for a woman with a sweet Southern accent." So, strawberry pie from the girl next door + sweet Southern accent = guy next door's dream? Yeah, this is pretty obvious. I am the girl next door. haha
Author Ruby Slippers Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 Seriously my mom gets men to do all kinds of things by giving them baked goods. That probably got him even more stuck on the possibilities...! I even put homemade whipped cream on top. Yum.
Island Girl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I even put homemade whipped cream on top. Yum. See now - my mom always says "be careful about sending out the wrong signals" -- this guy gets a homemade Strawberry pie with homemade whipped cream of course he is going to try to captivate the goddess that created the masterpiece!!! Sooooo many women don't bake anymore.
Lyssa Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 After telling him over and over again that you only see him as friend and not taking the hint, I really think it's the pie that is making him want you even more! How could a man resist a neighbour that bakes pies and makes pizza?!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted June 28, 2009 Author Posted June 28, 2009 See now - my mom always says "be careful about sending out the wrong signals" -- this guy gets a homemade Strawberry pie with homemade whipped cream of course he is going to try to captivate the goddess that created the masterpiece!!! Sooooo many women don't bake anymore. I looooove to cook and bake. I find it very meditative and soul-soothing. I live alone now and am single, and I love to bake pies with all this fresh fruit exploding everywhere, but I don't want to eat the whole darn thing by myself. So I share with my friends. I invited a bunch of friends over for a piece. This guy has done many nice, neighborly things for me, so I thought it would be a good way to be neighborly back. But yeah, home cookin' for a bachelor who probably hasn't eaten a home-cooked meal since Christmas is probably major fuel for the flame. Gotta close the door on the lovin' oven.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 I feel some attraction toward him growing. Now that I know he's firmly (lol) interested and there's all that energy coming at me every time I see him (out of those intense blue eyes!) and I am single and haven't had sex in 10 freaking months, my resistance is slooowly starting to crack. He's a carpenter, and now that it's hot, he comes home at the end of the day all buff and tan. A friend of his was over this afternoon, sitting on the porch with him shooting the breeze, and they pounced on me when I walked up the sidewalk, to come sit with them for a bit. We were sitting and talking, and I asked neighbor what his plans are for tomorrow. He said he hadn't made any yet, and the friend goes kinda under his breath, "Dude, ask your honey out for dinner." Right there in front of me! Someone remind me that this is a bad idea, please!!!
kizik Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Umm... why is it a bad idea? Two single, attractive people... where's the problem?
Island Girl Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Maybe you should post here why you shouldn't date him. Because he's single, attracted, and interested. You are single and clearly attracted - now becoming interested. He has a job, similar lifestyle, you enjoy his company and talking to him, ---- so why don't you want to date him? Because he is your neighbor...?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 We kissed. I stopped it there. Ahhhhhhh!
Island Girl Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Was it an Earth shattering kiss or...not so much???
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 It was hot. My ability to reason almost flew out the window entirely. My heart was pounding. He's blue collar, buff, and all man, so he's kind of... aggressive. A little intimidating. I have pretty much only been with white collar whiz kid guys my own age who don't bring the throwdown till things have heated up more and all signs are go. This guy is more old school masculine and intense. Especially when I'm just getting physical with someone, I'm all girl -- slow, sensual, and exploratory. The wild cat comes out later. More important than all that, though, is that I do NOT want to get physically involved with this guy. My single year ends in two months, so it probably won't be long before my new man will be coming around, and it would just be weird to have had sex, or anything close, with my neighbor. We both love where we live, and likely aren't moving anytime soon. Neighbor is older, has already been married and had his kids in his early 20s, and is not on my level intellectually, so it could in no way be a serious match. I'm redrawing the line in the sand and not letting anyone cross it again. And I will communicate this to him next time I see him.
Island Girl Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 It was hot. My ability to reason almost flew out the window entirely. My heart was pounding. He's blue collar, buff, and all man, so he's kind of... aggressive. A little intimidating. I have pretty much only been with white collar whiz kid guys my own age who don't bring the throwdown till things have heated up more and all signs are go. This guy is more old school masculine and intense. Ahhhhhhhh. Just the way I like it. "Grab me and take me!" MmmmmmmmHmmmmmmmmmm. My man throws me around on the bed like a ragdoll. :love::love: (But only after he's gotten the green light to do so ) Especially when I'm just getting physical with someone, I'm all girl -- slow, sensual, and exploratory. The wild cat comes out later. Oh now see my wild cat is always right there waiting for an escape! I understand RS. It just always seems to me that opposites truly do attract.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 Just had a little talk with him, after our NEW neighbor in the front came over to introduce himself. Man, I am so happy that I live in an actual neighborhood where people are neighborly! Or is this because I am a woman living alone? lol We all chatted on the porch for a while, as the July 4th downpour danced on, and Neighbor #1 seemed to be getting slightly possessive/territorial in the presence of Neighbor #2. Human behavior is fascinating. After Neighbor #2 left, I told Neighbor #1 VERY, VERY clearly that I want to be friends and neighbors only. I offered to explain the reasons why, and did. I apologized for not maintaining the boundary that I had established about being friends only and letting it get slightly physical. He seemed hurt, asked me again to explain why, seemed to feel some emotions for a few minutes, then said he respected me for my honesty and would do his best not to flirt anymore. He turned up the music a bit, we watched the rain, and then I came home to get some work done.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Update! In what I think was a small act of self-sabotage, I made out with him this weekend -- twice. Nothing too crazy; no clothes came off (OK, his shirt, but that was it). I knew deep down it wasn't a good idea, but I was so freaking horny that I was ready to explode, and he's right there projecting all this intensity at me every time I see him. He just kept flirting more and more, I must admit an attraction has been heating up for a long time, and I finally thought I'd call his bluff and try sex only with him. The making out was super hot and passionate, but the first time I was skittish about taking it further (when he was obviously up for it), and the second time (when I had finally decided I would have sex with him) he was a little skittish. I asked him if something was wrong or if he thought it was a bad idea. He said, "You drive me completely wild, and I want to make love to you so bad, but I know I can't be the man you need." And I know he's right. I don't know if he was waiting for me to say it could be sex only or what, but I took some deep breaths and sat down away from him, thinking about whether it was really a good idea. We discussed how hot it was, how we were both feeling the beginnings of a strong emotional bond already, how neither of us feels built for no-commitment sex, and how having sex could really mess everything up. We were both waffling, our bodies and minds battling it out. It was pretty silly. I said I thought it was very mature of us not to get carried away, and said it was pretty cool to learn that the mental connection between us translated directly into physical intensity. Oh, did it ever! We spent the rest of the evening talking and hanging out with friends who came by. We were up till 6:00 in the morning! He asked if he could sleep at my place -- just sleep -- but I said I didn't think that was a good idea. To me, that's almost more intimate than having sex. He asked again the next night, but I said no. Since then, he has been mostly distant. He told me he is "trying to get his **** together". I am disappointed in my lack of boundaries, but I am trying to accept the fact that I am only human. At least I have some fabulous new wank material. My single year ends THIS SATURDAY!!! I think I am still a little scared of putting myself out there again. But I have been invited out to three totally different and fun events, and I think I'm going to all of them.
Isolde Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 RS, out of curiosity, why does it seem to be mutually agreed things wouldn't work out between you?
carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 At least I have some fabulous new wank material. Another winning quote
Isolde Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 OK, so I read the above few posts and I think I sort of understand... I'll hazard a guess you feel you don't have enough in common intellectually. How is it when you guys talk, can you have a good conversation with him?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 The conversation is great. We can talk all night. I enjoy his company. But he is definitely not on my level intellectually. Also, he seems pretty happy to just get by in life and admits he is kind of lazy, whereas I'm ambitious and willing to work hard, always trying to make the most out of life. He's also a big partier (weed, alcohol) -- kind of like a kid who never really grew up -- and he tells me that streak has been an issue in all his relationships. He hinted I could do better than him, and I know he's right. One of the reasons it was easy to entertain the notion of sex only is that I KNOW he's not a serious prospect. But I wasn't quite counting on the intensity of the physical connection and the accompanying emotions. He has told me many times he is "in love with me". I always smiled/laughed it off as something sweet he said. But he kissed and touched me like he had real feelings for me, and I couldn't ignore that. I am scared I might be unable to resist getting tangled up with him again as long as I am single, though. Urrgggh. Damn him!
Isolde Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 The conversation is great. We can talk all night. I enjoy his company. But he is definitely not on my level intellectually. Also, he seems pretty happy to just get by in life and admits he is kind of lazy, whereas I'm ambitious and willing to work hard, always trying to make the most out of life. He's also a big partier (weed, alcohol) -- kind of like a kid who never really grew up -- and he tells me that streak has been an issue in all his relationships. He hinted I could do better than him, and I know he's right. One of the reasons it was easy to entertain the notion of sex only is that I KNOW he's not a serious prospect. But I wasn't quite counting on the intensity of the physical connection and the accompanying emotions. He has told me many times he is "in love with me". I always smiled/laughed it off as something sweet he said. But he kissed and touched me like he had real feelings for me, and I couldn't ignore that. I am scared I might be unable to resist getting tangled up with him again as long as I am single, though. Urrgggh. Damn him! He sounds sweet, but yeah, the Peter Pan thing kind of shifts me in favor of recommending against it.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 You're totally right. Hanging out with him is basically just spinning my wheels. I know that. Sometimes it's easier to spin your wheels than move forward. I think I'd be smart to just steer clear of him as much as possible.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 You're totally right. Hanging out with him is basically just spinning my wheels. I know that. Sometimes it's easier to spin your wheels than move forward. I think I'd be smart to just steer clear of him as much as possible. Considering the close proximity of your house to his, you should avoid anything sexual or intimate. Chances are if you guys break up, you won't be able to avoid him or even put out a restraining order on him if he starts intimidation tactics.
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