Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 No idea where to put this. Since I post here most and it's somewhat on topic, Dating it is. Now and then my neighbor and I hang out on his front porch. He's got a great front porch. We talk, smoke some mary jane, play some of our songs, etc. Tonight it stormed pretty violently, so I went out onto my porch to bring in my freshly planted herbs so they wouldn't get shredded in the wind. He was on his porch, too, and said hello and invited me over to hang out. We watched the torrential downpour, played some guitar, had a good time. He's a cool guy, but I am not interested in anything more than friendly with him. But I like being neighborly and keeping in touch. We watch each other's backs. I live in a small house within the borders of a major city, alone, so I want to know my neighbors so we can watch out for each other. I took all my neighbors plates of Christmas cookies after I moved in last fall. Anyway, he has begun to flirt, and he flirts a little bit more every time I see him. Tonight, at the end, he goes, "Let me walk you home." Then he cutely walked me the 10 feet over to my front door. Should I come right out and tell him I'm not interested in him in that way, or just continue to be a friendly neighbor but not respond to his flirting?
boldjack Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Right now it seems to be pretty tame stuff. I would continue and ignore the flirting , unless or until it becomes uncomfortable. Then have an honest, pleasant chat about boundaries.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 You took all the cookies? Haha, I wouldn't worry too much about the neighbor, until he decides to back you up against the wall and tries to kiss you. Be friendly, just don't bend over like Edie Brit ( desperate housewives reference).
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 You took all the cookies? LMFAO. Took me a second to get what you were saying. Cute.
Island Girl Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I generally can't sit with that kind of thing. I'd wait until one of those kick back nights, and say, "hey man, why don't you have a girl? You are so great to hang out with. Do you just prefer to be alone?" Let him say whatever. And then say, "I was just wondering because I am one of those people that just doesn't want that kind of attention. So if you were like me I'd understand you not wanting to deal with dates or anything like that." They usually get the hint then that you aren't interested in dating them or a relationship AT ALL. And you can use it forever. If he sees you with a guy and says, "hey, I thought you didn't want to date." Then you say, "I know but I figured I'd challenge myself. LOL" --- or it was a blind date set up by someone else - or your family started giving you crap for being alone, etc. And then as long as you are dating the guy -- you can't date the neighbor because you're taken. Then if it ends you just lament in how stupid you were that you went back on your own rule and that you will not be doing that again!
sid3 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 just use the friend word in any shape or form, he'll get it.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 The last time he said something flirty and seemed to be waiting for a response, I said, "I'm just being neighborly." Yet he persists. I think I will tell him straight up that I am not interested in getting involved with anyone right now -- this is true.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 just use the friend word in any shape or form, he'll get it.Yes, this works sometimes. The next time he does something sweet, say: "You're a good friend. Thanks."
BCCA Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 "You're a good friend. Thanks." Perfect. Trust me, guys dont get subtle hints, because we dont want to. We want to push over obstacles, and like a little challenge. You should make it pretty clear that youre not interested in dating him. Doing the whole 'I just dont want to date, but oh - heres me dating' crap is so annoying, and not original at all. Were not stupid, and that would just piss me off. If you want him to consider you a good friend and be a good neighbor, just be honest.
gopher Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Yep, the "friend" word always get through to me, no matter how thick I may be at that moment.. You can't blame the guy for trying, if we guys didn't initiate, there would be very few relationships out there. ....
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 "You're a good friend. Thanks." Great idea. That didn't occur to me -- I don't throw the word "friend" around lightly. But in this case, it's just right.
mr.dream merchant Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 How long have you known he's had a thing for you? Certainly chilling alone with him in his crib isn't helping the situation.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 He just moved in in December, and we've only hung out a few times, when we happened to both be out on the porch and had some time to spare. We weren't in his house -- we were sitting on the porch watching the rainstorm. After a while, he asked me in (it was too dark to see my music notebook that I needed to see), but I said I'd rather stay outside and enjoy the rain, and that's what we did.
bitbyte Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Just drop in a word about another love interest, even if its a fake "potential" love interest. No idea where to put this. Since I post here most and it's somewhat on topic, Dating it is. Now and then my neighbor and I hang out on his front porch. He's got a great front porch. We talk, smoke some mary jane, play some of our songs, etc. Tonight it stormed pretty violently, so I went out onto my porch to bring in my freshly planted herbs so they wouldn't get shredded in the wind. He was on his porch, too, and said hello and invited me over to hang out. We watched the torrential downpour, played some guitar, had a good time. He's a cool guy, but I am not interested in anything more than friendly with him. But I like being neighborly and keeping in touch. We watch each other's backs. I live in a small house within the borders of a major city, alone, so I want to know my neighbors so we can watch out for each other. I took all my neighbors plates of Christmas cookies after I moved in last fall. Anyway, he has begun to flirt, and he flirts a little bit more every time I see him. Tonight, at the end, he goes, "Let me walk you home." Then he cutely walked me the 10 feet over to my front door. Should I come right out and tell him I'm not interested in him in that way, or just continue to be a friendly neighbor but not respond to his flirting? ---- http://bitbyte.tumblr.com/
D-Lish Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 When people are a bit smitten, they don't get subtlety. They'll choose to ignore the hints that someone is not attracted in favour of the possibility they are interested. I'm sure he wants to read into things because he has a crush on you. You can throw out the friend word- but I guarantee he'll wonder if you only threw out the word because he hasn't been blatent enough about his intentions. I've been in the same situation and as much as I hinted I wasn't interested, he didn't get it until I cam out and said it. Even after that he still pursued. I think it will take being up front the next time he says anything or you get a vibe...
bitbyte Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I've been in the same situation and as much as I hinted I wasn't interested, he didn't get it until I cam out and said it. Even after that he still pursued. I think it will take being up front the next time he says anything or you get a vibe... I completely agree. Why are people so afraid of being direct?
D-Lish Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I completely agree. Why are people so afraid of being direct? Afraid of hurting people's feelings I think.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 He hasn't expressed interest directly to her by asking her out. In order to shortcut it getting to that point, she should be relatively subtle. Why ruin a potential friendship with a neighbor, by being assumptive?
bitbyte Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I still think you can remain if you're upfront honest and truthful. It doesn't have to some super serious conversation. However that's where dropping a word about a potential love interest is a good "hint".
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I'm not going to lie and say I have a love interest when I don't. I don't believe in lying. I think it's best to be honest.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Today he stopped me to say hi as I was taking off on a walk to the grocery store, and he said he told his friends that the other night playing music and hanging out on his porch in the rainstorm was one of the most enjoyable nights he's had in a long time. Then he goes, "And we didn't even have sex!" I said I had a great time, too, but, "I want to be friends and neighbors. It's a lost art." He said he agreed with that. Seemed to take it gracefully.
Island Girl Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I said I had a great time, too, but, "I want to be friends and neighbors. It's a lost art." He said he agreed with that. Seemed to take it gracefully. I am so glad it seemed to go well. Let's hope it sticks!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 OK, so we have continued to hang out, and I have continued to emphasize that we are FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, but he still flirts sometimes, and last night he totally busted a move... more than once... and I stopped him. Friends and neighbors!! Dude's definitely got balls. I eventually had to bring the party to a polite close because he didn't seem to be getting the message. I enjoy his company as a friend, but I am not interested in anything more with him. And I've committed to being single till September, so there's no guy in the picture to keep him away. What do I do here? Just stop hanging out with the guy entirely?
BobSacamento Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Haha I think he's being pretty clear here. He doesn't want to be friends.
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