zhsoj Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 For me, as soon as I feel like I am chasing a guy I lose interest. It's degrading. And if I'm made to feel that way by the guy or the situation then it's not a good one for my self-esteem. I do try and make the effort to open myself up and show the guy that I like them and want to spend time with them. Sometimes this drives them away or causes them to act like they have all the power. Sometimes you just can't win. But I will try the best I can. The relationships that have worked best for me are the ones where I am pursued/chased by the guy. This is, of course, when it's a guy I want pursuing me. It makes me feel wanted and, quite frankly, like a girl. And it seems to make the guy feel good, too. Nope... It doesn't make me feel good at all... At best it's tolerable :-\
loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Nope... It doesn't make me feel good at all... At best it's tolerable :-\ Good to know. But I do think it's less humiliating for a guy to be seen as chasing a girl than the other way around.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 What all women say: Is that they like to be pursued What all women REALLY need: Is to be ignoredIve tried that tactic and it doesnt work for me I dont think it works for most "beta males" Good looking guys, aggressive or wealthy guys can do this to women who are interested in them but with most of us theyll just assume we're either gay or theyre out of our league or theyll just no notice us at all I think the best tactic for most men is to get used to rejection and take as many shots as possible if dating is really that important to you
thegoodlife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I prefer to chase...though in the end it seems I always pick the wrong ones. So maybe I should let someone chase me for once.
prettybaby Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think it's sad when people aren't confident enough in their skin to openly act on their feelings. Basically, it appears that this thread really boils down to the fear of rejection. And I don't see why it should be easier for guys to swallow their pride than for girls. We should really stop focusing on some of those unproductive gender roles, and look at each other as human beings with feelings and fears. And that it's really okay to face a "no" sometimes. That's what life is about; you deal and you move on. At least you can step into a new relationship afterward without any regrets. It's okay to mess up and have a clumsy approach sometimes; that's how you learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. It's much healthier in my opinion than spending my time wondering "what if" and "why" without doing anything about it, while I could have just grabbed the bull by the horns myself, get a clear answer, and then move forward accordingly. Life's too short!
loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think it's sad when people aren't confident enough in their skin to openly act on their feelings. Basically, it appears that this thread really boils down to the fear of rejection. And I don't see why it should be easier for guys to swallow their pride than for girls. We should really stop focusing on some of those unproductive gender roles, and look at each other as human beings with feelings and fears. And that it's really okay to face a "no" sometimes. That's what life is about; you deal and you move on. At least you can step into a new relationship afterward without any regrets. It's okay to mess up and have a clumsy approach sometimes; that's how you learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. It's much healthier in my opinion than spending my time wondering "what if" and "why" without doing anything about it, while I could have just grabbed the bull by the horns myself, get a clear answer, and then move forward accordingly. Life's too short! Prettybaby, I agree to a degree. For me, I've ended up chasing when I've started out just wanting to put it out there and then know what's going on. For some reason whenever I've been the one to put it all out there the guy has backed off and sometimes I've ended up moving forward because of putting it all out there and not wanting to "waste" that investment. As I've gotten older I've learned not to go after someone once they've backed off. Or, if I do, it doesn't last long at all. But, to me, that's the chasing, not the being open part. That's just communication. Right? And it's always good to communicate.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 For me, as soon as I feel like I am chasing a guy I lose interest. It's degrading. And if I'm made to feel that way by the guy or the situation then it's not a good one for my self-esteem. I do try and make the effort to open myself up and show the guy that I like them and want to spend time with them. Sometimes this drives them away or causes them to act like they have all the power. Sometimes you just can't win. But I will try the best I can. The relationships that have worked best for me are the ones where I am pursued/chased by the guy. This is, of course, when it's a guy I want pursuing me. It makes me feel wanted and, quite frankly, like a girl. And it seems to make the guy feel good, too. I don't understand why you think that chasing a guy is "degrading." I know some women who play this "hard to get" game with guys just to see what the guys will put up with and to see what they can get out of those guys in terms of expensive dates, etc. I actually had lunch with a female former co-worker the other day who admitted to taking advantage of guys in this way.
You'reasian Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 We can analyze, rationalize and write statements about how we think it should be, but the majority of posts reveal: - women have frequently been persued by men they weren't interested in. - women have actively persued men they were interested in, whom may or may not have been interested in them. - women would like for men (that they are interested in) to persue them. - women will leave subtle (or not so subtle) hints when they want to be persued. The final yes or no is obviously the woman's call - but her interests in men's characteristics/features and what she is attracted to isn't. More... - Women prefer to date strangers over friends. Don't get friend-zoned. - Chemistry and attraction matter more than other more rational characteristics. - -
Saxis Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Don't forget the women who are pursued by men they have no interest in, but do accept the attention. When the "friend" card is played and the guy backs down, all of a sudden they are interested because of the loss of attention.
refurb Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 What a silly question. That's like asking "Would you rather do the dishes or have someone do them for you?" RF
refurb Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I rather he take the initative and take charge of the situation then me running after him. I think men are more likely to be appreciative of what they have if they have to work for it. I want to be treated like a girl, not his buddy where everything is suppose to be 100% even and equal. Nice. Men should treat woman as their equals unless it benefits the woman? RF
Isolde Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Listen to Irish. He's smart! In all honesty, I like the idea of both people chasing each other. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I imagine it must be quite marvellous.
Isolde Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 I can do this because I'm more confident in myself, and I know what I want to bring to a relationship, as well as how I want to be treated in one. Yes, yes, yes.
BobSacamento Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 From my experience women who initiate contact always seem insecure. I do not think they enjoy chasing. They believe they come off as creepers.
tinklebell Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 In all honesty, I like the idea of both people chasing each other. Oh so true. I've enjoyed that before and wish for more.
tinklebell Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 From my experience women who initiate contact always seem insecure. I do not think they enjoy chasing. They believe they come off as creepers. How would that be insecure? Enlighten, please.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 From my experience women who initiate contact always seem insecure. I do not think they enjoy chasing. They believe they come off as creepers. I actually do sometimes question whether I come on too strong when I ask a guy out.
Author monkey00 Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 I don't understand why you think that chasing a guy is "degrading." I know some women who play this "hard to get" game with guys just to see what the guys will put up with and to see what they can get out of those guys in terms of expensive dates, etc. I actually had lunch with a female former co-worker the other day who admitted to taking advantage of guys in this way. I don't understand why it's degrading either. It may not be traditional to chase a guy, but c'mon this is 2009 - gender roles have already changed to some extent and this might as well be one to change also. I think just about every guy has had this kind of experience with women. From experience all I can say is that if her words and actions do not match, it's pretty much a simple give away she's not that into you. There's just so much fish in the sea to waste time with these types of women. We can analyze, rationalize and write statements about how we think it should be, but the majority of posts reveal: - women have frequently been pursued by men they weren't interested in. - women have actively pursued men they were interested in, whom may or may not have been interested in them. - women would like for men (that they are interested in) to persue them. - women will leave subtle (or not so subtle) hints when they want to be pursued. For the most part I've noticed that as well. For women that are interested, not every girl will do the last part. I've come across women that are interested in a guy, and at the same time act like every other girl that isn't interested in the guy...which means being aloof. I actually do sometimes question whether I come on too strong when I ask a guy out. I don't think there's anything to question. If a guy really likes you he won't mind. However on the other hand desperation is not attractive, as long as that doesn't come across I don't see anything wrong with asking out a guy.
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