monkey00 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I'm just curious to hear what girls here on LS prefer most. Go after what they truly want or sit back and get chased by someone they're semi-interested/very interested in? I have to say most of my positive experiences were with girls that took immediate interest and sort of did a little chasing.
Cora Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 In an ideal world I would rather be chased by a guy I'm highly interested in. I tend to either get chased by the guys who I have no interest in whatsoever or chase after ones I really am interested in and I hate that. Ah well I guess nothing is perfect.
paddington bear Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I'm with Cora on this one, would be nice to be chased, but same thing, I get chased by guys I'm not into, and the ones I really like never want me back and I end up chasing them...which IMO never works and is not something I will ever do again Woman chasing man, initial flattery, then quickly man is bored 'oh, I have her, so soon, where's the fun of not knowing if I get her or not? boooooring, must dump her'.
IrishCarBomb Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Not a woman, but I'll chime in: Women want you to initiate. Some want you to chase, most just want you to take charge and make your intentions clear. However, I've never found much success in "chasing". Women just want to know you're interested, when you go over the top you often come off as desperate or needy. As I've said before on this site, I think men are better served to initiate conversation or dates, and then just focus on connecting. It's strange because as often as I read on here that "men are hunters", my experience is that when you "hunt" women, they're guarded and hesitant to open up to you about much anything. To me, it always seemed I was considered that "token male" when hunting, but I was "interesting guy" when just connecting. Second, when you "hunt", you get in a mindset that you always need to impress her. The mentality is just destructive IMO. When I stopped trying to impress women, and instead tryed to connect or just learn about them, it was bizarre how much more enjoyable and fun dating became.
Sibyl Vane Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 most just want you to take charge and make your intentions clear. Yep, my vote goes to this. I'm never going to reveal my feelings for someone unless I get some sort of indication that I'm not about to get my heart stomped on.
prettybaby Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 A mix of both. I don't want to be the one taking every single initiative, but I don't want to just sit back and have the guy do everything either. I want to feel like I have an active part in the whole process. With my current guy, I initiated contact and dinner invitation at first, and then he reciprocated and we quickly got into a nice dynamic I've been in the situation before where I'm semi interested in a guy (but not head over heels), and I kinda sat back while he did all the pursuing. Let me tell you: after a while, I felt like I had basically not made my own choices in that relationship, which I know is stupid because people will say "if you don't want to, just say no", but the human mind and ego are a bit more complex than that So after that one, I decided that if I didn't feel like doing part of the pursuing myself, then my heart just wasn't enough into it and I shouldn't tease the guy until he does all the work. Because in the end, if that's not what I truly want myself, then why would I want to put myself in that position? And if you look at it from an opposite situation: If I'm super interested in a guy but he's too shy to make the initial approach, then why would I consciously pass onto the chance of dating him? Sitting back and praying for something to happen is the dumbest approach in my opinion. Especially since guys generally suck pretty bad at picking up non verbal clues. So as a conclusion: I think it's always a healthy mind set to keep things balanced. That counts for romance and everything else.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I rather he take the initative and take charge of the situation then me running after him. I think men are more likely to be appreciative of what they have if they have to work for it. I want to be treated like a girl, not his buddy where everything is suppose to be 100% even and equal.
cyril's fan Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Not a woman, but I'll chime in: Women want you to initiate. Some want you to chase, most just want you to take charge and make your intentions clear. For me as a woman, I want the guy to initiate and make his intentions clear. I'm quite proactive so I would follow up and return the initiation, provided I like the guy. Overall, I like both parties to take turns to show their interest. No confusion (with regards to he likes me, he likes me not). However, I've never found much success in "chasing". Women just want to know you're interested, when you go over the top you often come off as desperate or needy. When you go over the top, you come across as overcompensating and girls wonder why and assume you are making up for something you know/think you lack.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 What all women say: Is that they like to be pursued What all women REALLY need: Is to be ignored
prettybaby Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I rather he take the initative and take charge of the situation then me running after him. I think men are more likely to be appreciative of what they have if they have to work for it. I want to be treated like a girl, not his buddy where everything is suppose to be 100% even and equal. No offense, but that sounds very cliche. I have always shared the amount of initiative with the men I've dated, and I have never been treated like their buddy. They always treated me like a lady. You can definitely take charge sometimes while still being a girly girl. That being said, there IS a difference between taking initiative the right way and taking initiative the wrong way. You can take initiative without looking needy or desperate. It's all about confidence and keeping your head cool. I get the feeling that those who face platonic reactions or even rejection from the guy they approach, are those who probably lack confidence in the first place. That's not meant to sound harsh or judgmental. Confidence and inner peace come with time. Knowing what you want and going for it has never been a bad thing in my book.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I never meant to imply that you weren't treated like a lady. For me, that is what makes *me* feel like a lady. And it *is* cliche because I don't always mind traditional gender roles.
bac Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Women prefer being chased. And I do not think that it is a preference because it is rather a general requirment.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I'm just curious to hear what girls here on LS prefer most. Go after what they truly want or sit back and get chased by someone they're semi-interested/very interested in? Dating dynamics isn't as simple as these two questions, in that there are so many individual preferences/nuances, so I can't speak for other women. I don't play hard to get. I am hard to get. It starts with contact, where a guy will tweak my interest. Then, he has to be unafraid of going after what he wants, consistently. For me, interest from the interested man, generates more interest in me. This includes hitting all the high notes, the ones that trigger positive responses. If a guy starts gameplaying by blowing hot and cold, I wander off after figuring it out, which can sometimes take awhile, sometimes not. Life's too short for games and realistically speaking, there are always more and bigger fish in the ocean.
Lizzie60 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I'm just curious to hear what girls here on LS prefer most. Go after what they truly want or sit back and get chased by someone they're semi-interested/very interested in? I have to say most of my positive experiences were with girls that took immediate interest and sort of did a little chasing. I have to admit that I prefer being chased.. but I've done some chasing ... it depends on the situation ...
Author monkey00 Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Personally I love it when a woman does a some initial chasing. In my best relationships - during the dating phase we would take turns on making the initiative on calling or setting dates. Personally I think a good balancing act works pretty well for relationships. As for chasing a woman, I prefer a good amount of reciprocation. Otherwise after a couple of tries, I figure she's not that into me and just go next.
tinklebell Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Personally I love it when a woman does a some initial chasing. In my best relationships - during the dating phase we would take turns on making the initiative on calling or setting dates. Personally I think a good balancing act works pretty well for relationships. As for chasing a woman, I prefer a good amount of reciprocation. Otherwise after a couple of tries, I figure she's not that into me and just go next. By "initial chasing," did you mean asking you out first? Would that have been appealing too?
Dexter Morgan Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I know the intial post was directed at women...but as a man, I won't chase and don't really like being chased. I don't play games. I want interaction on an equal level with someone I am considering as relationship material. If I view a woman as playing hard to get, even if she may be into me, I stop "chasing" if I perceive it as chasing and some sort of silly game is being played.
prettybaby Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I know the intial post was directed at women...but as a man, I won't chase and don't really like being chased. I don't play games. I want interaction on an equal level with someone I am considering as relationship material. If I view a woman as playing hard to get, even if she may be into me, I stop "chasing" if I perceive it as chasing and some sort of silly game is being played. I kind of get what you're saying, but at the same time, it doesn't make much sense. I guess maybe it's the way you worded it? Games and chasing are 2 different things. There's always someone chasing someone at some point, it doesn't mean it's not genuine.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I prefer being chased. In fact, I have never chased a man. But I feel that "chase" is not really accurate. If a guy is into me and I'm into him, I don't run away. But I do let him do the initiating and calling, especially in the early stages.
Kamille Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I've done the hard to get thing, and it didn't work for me either. Like Prettybaby, I ended up in relationships that didn't ressemble me at all. These relationships always ended up being power-plays. Nowadays, if I like a guy, I will do my very best to "enable" a chase. I will smile, let him know I'm interested, but leave the ball in his court to initiate the first few dates. I like to reciprocate showing interest. If I like a guy, I will tell him. In my last little dating adventure, I enjoyed doing nice things for him, just cause I knew it would make him smile. It wasn't about some elaborate plan to catch a guy. I can do this because I'm more confident in myself, and I know what I want to bring to a relationship, as well as how I want to be treated in one. I would say I do let the guy take the lead every once in awhile, if only to make sure we're on the same page, and because, hey, I'm a busy girl. Sure, I have yet to fall in love, but this new dating approach works a lot better for me then "chase me" phase I had going before.
LoveLace Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I kind of get what you're saying, but at the same time, it doesn't make much sense. I guess maybe it's the way you worded it? Games and chasing are 2 different things. There's always someone chasing someone at some point, it doesn't mean it's not genuine. I agree..."games" usually consist of a person who can't make up their mind about you, all about you one day and totally distant the next...and they can never give a clear answer on what it really is they want. However, something like "playing hard to get" is a game in the sense that it's a natural, yet strategic thing that both guys and girls do. It tends to just come with the territory in new relationships...however people do abuse it, to the point where it only drives the interested one away. Some people don't know how to use it all, for others it seems to be all they know...it can be hard to find middle ground there... To me chasing is expression of interest, with perhaps actions instead of words...but it should be a shared act between both people, and it will be, if both of them are interested. It's just that everyone, men and women, have individual preferences as to how it's done, and figuring all that out is the "game" part, as far as I'm concerned...for example I like a guy but I don't know if he'd prefer to be the initiator of things, or if he'd need for me to really step it up first...problem with that is, I'm not up for the risk of being the 1st one in. So if he never figures that out, I guess there will be no chasing by anyone ...playing hard to get has nothing to do with it...I just don't want to put myself out there for someone I don't know well enough yet...
Dexter Morgan Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I kind of get what you're saying, but at the same time, it doesn't make much sense. I guess maybe it's the way you worded it? Games and chasing are 2 different things. There's always someone chasing someone at some point, it doesn't mean it's not genuine. I get ya. to me when I hear of "chasing" someone it means that one party is playing hard to get. But someone has to make the first "move" if that is what you are referring to.
tinklebell Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Preferences aside. Someone has to start the chasing before another is chased. Often times, neither party does anything because they both like to be chased.
Author monkey00 Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 By "initial chasing," did you mean asking you out first? Would that have been appealing too? I would like to consider being asked out as a part of initial chasing. And yes that would be appealing. I have had past instances where women gave me their contact info, though just about every time I wasn't interested. But if I did come across a woman I was interested, I would actually prefer that. It would be a refreshing change of pace honestly. I guess another part of it would be to make it obvious that you like the person. Ask a lot of questions, take interest, do some physical touching, and make good EC. Unfortunately there are women who are experts at flirting which makes it far too easy to mistake it for true interest. Preferences aside. Someone has to start the chasing before another is chased. Often times, neither party does anything because they both like to be chased. That's true too, I think deep down everyone wants to be chased and 'wanted'. Which is why I find relationships that work best are couples that make equal the effort on par with initiative and planning.
loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 For me, as soon as I feel like I am chasing a guy I lose interest. It's degrading. And if I'm made to feel that way by the guy or the situation then it's not a good one for my self-esteem. I do try and make the effort to open myself up and show the guy that I like them and want to spend time with them. Sometimes this drives them away or causes them to act like they have all the power. Sometimes you just can't win. But I will try the best I can. The relationships that have worked best for me are the ones where I am pursued/chased by the guy. This is, of course, when it's a guy I want pursuing me. It makes me feel wanted and, quite frankly, like a girl. And it seems to make the guy feel good, too.
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