tinke Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 just curious- for those who simply disappeared from the relationship, what were your initial thoughts, and how did you feel after time had passed? Just have a hard time understanding the disappearing act. Did you regret the actions? Did you ever think about the ex, or was it simple to continue moving on without explanation?
bluewolf17 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I don't know if this helps or not, but I was dumped, but was strong enough (it was only a 4 month relationship) to walk away, and never look back. I didn't regret my NC-ever. I look back, and am proud of myself. I left with grace and self respect. And of course I thought about it. But mostly I was glad it was over.
Author tinke Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Thank you for the reply Bluewolf, I am glad you were able to keep your head held high. I am referring to the dumper, the ones who actually chose to leave the relationship.
LadyV Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Tinke, My relationship was just over 5 months. He walked away the first time, me the 2nd, then him the 3rd. Each time we split though, HE was the one to contact me. 4th and final time it was me who said enough was enough...blocked numbers, emails, FB all that stuff...(I actually asked him to block me on FB just a few weeks ago... The reason why I walked the 2nd time, was basically because I could tell he was about to do it again...I beat him to the punch. Does that make sense? Then this 4th and last time, I walked away.... He told me he regrets walking away and that would often wonder if he made the right choice. It would confuse me because I thought it was the wrong choice, but now, being the one who walked away the final time? It was right all along... I think we all have hopes of reconciling, but in the end, it seems that the same patterns just stayed. There really wasn't any change...That was what happened in my case anyway...He was so happy to have me back, but then was quick to push me away....
Cora Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I always wondered the same thing. Like what was going through their mind when they just disappeared? Was it easy for them? Do they ever think about you and wonder if they made the right decision? I used to ask these questions a lot after my ex disappeared on me with no explaination. I still remember our last conversation so clearly as if it were yesterday. He was his usual happy self....nothing out of the ordinary and we ended the convo with the usual I love you's. Three months later I haven't heard from him since and he is now planning his wedding. Him leaving was all for the best. He disappeard and I got played. I see that now, but yeah I always wondered too.
playlislay Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 To be honest, I think walking away and then blocking all contact is a very spiteful and selfish act. Ive only done this once on a man that I dated for a month-he turned into a stalker, way too nice for my liking, so I had to leave. He ended up parking down my road and pulled out once he saw me leaving the house, saying he had been to visit a friend-he lives 2 hours away! I feel guilty about it now but hopefully I didnt hurt him too much as we hadnt really 'bonded' or loved each other. I would NEVER do thi to someone that I had built a relationship with, I would have gained too much love and respect by then to be able to just walk out! Wnen it is done by someone who you truly love and they truly love you, then it is hard to understand. I didnt really gain much closure or hear much from my recent ex 'C' in regrards to what happened to 'us'. Even when I went and spent my last £40 on getting my hair done to meet him for a talk, drove all the way to his, to only be turned away (by the way, this is acceptable in my eyes-not stalker behaviour-as we had been together for so long). This really sucked for me, knowing that, even though we were on friendly speaking terms at the time, he didnt want to see me. I know why C done it and to be honest, I know he found it extremely difficult. He felt it was the right thing to do as we may end up going in cirlces. No discussions. No talking it through. No texts. No emails. Nothing. Just abandoned me then and there. It is honestly the most heart braking experience I have ever had to go through-it was worse than the deaths of some of my family members. To conclude, I would say that yes, sometimes they do feel horrible for doing it. Infact it may even break their heart too. It is just a natural form of protection-sweep every up under the carpet and move on. Men are known to behave this way-to just move on and harbour any feelings. I just wish he knew what pain and confusion he caused to me...............sadly, I still miss him and love him. *sigh*
Author tinke Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Thanks for the replies. Anyone else just walk away from a relationship without a word? just wondering what your thoughts were at the time, and if they had changed with time, regrets? wonders? or no further thoughts.
HappyAgain Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I walked away after a long-term marriage, thought about it for a couple of months and then never gave it another thought. Sounds cruel but I was walked over once too many times.
kizik Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I don't know if this helps or not, but I was dumped, but was strong enough (it was only a 4 month relationship) to walk away, and never look back. I didn't regret my NC-ever. I look back, and am proud of myself. I left with grace and self respect. And of course I thought about it. But mostly I was glad it was over. Bluewolf, me too. I got the 'piss-off,' asked her once if she was sure, and didn't ever contact her again. And we were together for three g*dd*amn years. I can look back on that time (a year ago), and know that even though I was going through mental hell and on the brink of suicide, I did not ask, beg, plead or bother her. I went through that hell alone. Completely alone. I had no friends or family. Nowadays I've got a good life - and I'm still single, which is fine by me. In response to the thread - I wish I knew. I wish I knew how my ex could walk out on a three-year R and never call, text, write, email or see me again. It's unfathomable. It's completely f*cked up. But it's her choice. Now that I've seen her true colors, and the kind of total selfish cruelty that she is capable of, I realize that she never actually loved me, and was only keeping me around as an ego-feeding convenience. So I don't know how someone can do that. No one on this site will be able to tell you, b/c for the most part, we're all ones who got dumped. See, the reason dumpers don't hang out on places like LS too often is that they're off somewhere getting another ego feed from some sucker who will end up here with his/her heart broken, maybe in another three years.
EmperorR Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Bluewolf, me too. I got the 'piss-off,' asked her once if she was sure, and didn't ever contact her again. And we were together for three g*dd*amn years. I can look back on that time (a year ago), and know that even though I was going through mental hell and on the brink of suicide, I did not ask, beg, plead or bother her. I went through that hell alone. Completely alone. I had no friends or family. Nowadays I've got a good life - and I'm still single, which is fine by me. In response to the thread - I wish I knew. I wish I knew how my ex could walk out on a three-year R and never call, text, write, email or see me again. It's unfathomable. It's completely f*cked up. But it's her choice. Now that I've seen her true colors, and the kind of total selfish cruelty that she is capable of, I realize that she never actually loved me, and was only keeping me around as an ego-feeding convenience. So I don't know how someone can do that. No one on this site will be able to tell you, b/c for the most part, we're all ones who got dumped. See, the reason dumpers don't hang out on places like LS too often is that they're off somewhere getting another ego feed from some sucker who will end up here with his/her heart broken, maybe in another three years. Went through this as well, I gave up most of all my friends due to my cheating ex jealously, so I was left with nothing, but it made me stronger in the end. I wonder the same as you, 3 years with my ex fiance marriage date everything set, cheated on dumped, went NC 9 months nothing just one text asking back for a book and that's it. I guess the thing that hurts is that we were played for damn fools.
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