Beyond Eternity Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Hey all, I'm back. After getting over my previous relationship months ago, I realized a lot - first loves do teach you tons. And speaking of that, I guess you could say that experience has turned me off from looking for a girl to find love. I'm not exactly looking for just action either, but anyway here's my situation. So there's this girl I know in my school, just a year younger than me. I find her really attractive, both physically and personality-wise. I want to ask her out. Thing is, we've been friends for just over 4 months now and I haven't made a move on her. There's been some flirting here and there and I thought I was making some progress (see what happened was, my last breakup happened around the same time I met her, which made me not want any relationship at all, so at that time I wasn't looking for anyone - I saw a potential friend in this girl and that's what we became) but then, close to two months ago she was telling me about how she was getting fed up with everyone and decided she wants to go through a phase where she'll just ignore everyone and focus on her work/grades. Then just over a month ago, she started ignoring me too. I thought, alright cool, she warned me about this, probably more than she told anyone else, so I should just respect that and give her room. So i stopped talking/texting/emailing her though I still said hi in person or in passing. Soon though the time came when she wouldn't even say hi, I'd just get flat out rejected or ignored. This went on for the rest of the month up until 2 days ago. What I did a week ago was remove her from facebook (which she goes on really often). After trying to talk to her, and her telling me nothing is wrong repeatedly, I decided to "end" the friendship seeing as she wasn't being much of a friend anymore and with the history we developed, I didn't want to remain simple acquaintances. In that month though it gave me time to reflect and think and I thought about how she acted around guys she found hot/guys she liked. I remembered that when I just met her, she'd act that way around me - but back then I had no idea, I just thought she was a little weird. So now what happened two days ago is she got really upset and hurt when she found out I removed her from facebook, which, in a way surprised me... because I thought she wouldn't care, since she didn't talk to me anyway. So those 2 days ago, we talked it over until 2am and both apologized and agreed to remain friends despite what happened. Some of my friends have suggested some things to me.. one is that she liked me and in that "ignoring" time she was "getting over me" after finding out I wasn't asking her out (which, my only reason was because I felt it was way too soon after my breakup [ An almost 2-year relationship, just to clarify] ) . Another one says she "definitely" does not like me and just sees me as a good friend (though at this point I don't know if "good" stands anymore). And lastly people have spread rumours that her and I are dating, though here's the thing (and I don't know if it's important or not but I'll mention it anyway) - she never denies it.. she'll go "wtf?" or give like a omg-face, something to suggest 'no' but she never actually said no to anyone. Though I've said no to people when asked in private. What do you think my chances are of getting with her? After what happened, it'd be a risky move but at the same time I feel like it's a really good opportunity and that I'd explain why I didn't ask sooner - only if she questions it though. Sorry for the long read! But it's never simple as they say, lol. Thanks for those who respond, in advance.
BCCA Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I think she likes you as a friend. Women generally take stuff like removing them from Facebook/Myspace a lot more seriously then men, so I wouldnt even worry about her reaction to that. Basically, she threw a tantrum, and you gave in. Women, IMO, also seem to take stuff like 'were not friends' more seriously. Also, ask yourself what youre getting from this friendship. If you have any interest in this girl, you either need to ask her out, or just treat her like anyone else in class; an acquaintance as you put it.
Author Beyond Eternity Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 To clarify, I never outwardly said to her that "we're not friends", I just stopped attempting to talk to her since she made no effort to do so or even return my hello's. She's not in any of my classes but I'd sometimes walk her to her classes which she really liked and (I think this is 99% of the reason people came up with the rumors) we have really long hugs, long enough to hold a conversation sometimes; and she doesn't do this with anyone else, nor do I really lol but I don't mind with her. We have a lot of mutual friends and she is a chatterbox, meaning, if I ask her out and she rejects me, our mutual friends are gonna know. Whether they'll ridicule me for it or something of the sort is another story but I just have the feeling the word will get out really fast. And I forgot to mention, I'm European white and she's West Indies black... yeah, lol.
BCCA Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Dude, why dont you just ask her out and see what happens?
czombie Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 To clarify, I never outwardly said to her that "we're not friends", I just stopped attempting to talk to her since she made no effort to do so or even return my hello's. She's not in any of my classes but I'd sometimes walk her to her classes which she really liked and (I think this is 99% of the reason people came up with the rumors) we have really long hugs, long enough to hold a conversation sometimes; and she doesn't do this with anyone else, nor do I really lol but I don't mind with her. We have a lot of mutual friends and she is a chatterbox, meaning, if I ask her out and she rejects me, our mutual friends are gonna know. Whether they'll ridicule me for it or something of the sort is another story but I just have the feeling the word will get out really fast. And I forgot to mention, I'm European white and she's West Indies black... yeah, lol. bro....your over analyzing the issue way too much. Just walk up to her and give her a kiss on the neck, a little wink then walk away to your next class...You'll find out soon enough if she's into you.....why are you so concerned with what yalls friends will think?
Author Beyond Eternity Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 The main concern I have, and question that I ask, is, is it the right time to do so? I only ask because of our long talk two nights ago and how we agreed to put that stuff behind us and carry on being friends. So even though that happened, i should still ask her ASAP?
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