paddington bear Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Just venting, and feeling a bit blue and horrible really, all due to trying to sustain no contact with a person who I have to have see a lot of the time and will do for the forseeable future. Yeah I know, NC it's the right thing to do in my circumstances (or in my case, as limited as possible). But problem is I can see the results of my no contact, confusion, the sad eyes, desperate attempts to 'talk' and I've been feeling, well, guilty as hell, and it's really hard. I'm hurting someone (who yeah, for sure has hurt and upset me...) but still I don't want to be mean. I feel like the air should be cleared somehow, but the damn air can't be cleared, there is no bad air extractor fan that's going to suck the bad atmosphere away, hence the no discussion and the no contact and that just feels, well very strange to not try to somehow repair the unrepairable and for me to simply instead withdraw like a crab into a shell. I feel like a mean cow bitch nasty horrible person and I'm finding that hard to live with. At least with normal NC, it is that NO CONTACT, I'm finding the NC thing really hard to do when I have to see the results of my actions...stupid guilt.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 What the christ is this all about? You're torturing some poor sap with abstinence? Don't expect his ass to hang around.
BCCA Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Think of it this way, would you rather feel guilty now for doing the right thing, or over and over again for leading someone on? The problem is, no matter how much it sucks, talking to someone who has feelings that arent returned is just cruel. If you know that they still want you, it really is the nicest thing you can do to just leave them 100% alone. Also, sadly - 99/100 guys are going to think youre a total b***h if you dont want to date them anymore or feel the same way. Its seriously unavoidable.
Author paddington bear Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Just to be clear...he doesn't want ME!!! (never did really, truth be told, kind of looked like he might, but then didn't and I let it go on and on going nowhere blah blah blah) But wants to be 'friends' despite the presence of a once ex, now not so much 'ex' wife who has been well, just totally psychotic in general, and towards me in specific. So I have to simply remove him from my life, in as much as I can, due to the presence of crazy lady, because all the above has made my life an utter living hell. I guess I'm doing what he should have done - he was doing the leading on, we discussed how this wasn't really good for me as I was looking for a boyfriend and not a friend and we'd gotten too close, but he didn't actually let me go, so now I'm doing it to him, but for self-protection not out of malice or revenge. It's just really not a good situation for me to be in at all. As I said, I know it's the right thing to do, but I still feel like an utter bitch though. Quagmire - I wouldn't torture some poor guy with abstinence!!! I think it's a cheap, low way to blackmail or punish a man, and if that were the case he'd be right to simply wave buh bye to me.
BCCA Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Oh I see now. Yeah, I was pretty much in the same boat. Had a gf who didnt quite get it that being her friend wasnt doing much for me, and that I was still irked about the split. She kind of just wanted to fast forward to a time when I wasnt still upset about it, but didnt really want to wait. I told her plenty of times we werent going to be friends, and she just kept saying 'I think we can', which to me meant she was cool with it and didnt care if it sucked for me. I even asked her if she was in my shoes, what would she do. She litterally said she would bail lol Moral of the story, this person who was so crushed and wanted me in her life and all that...havent heard a single word in over 6 months, nothing for xmas or my bday. Its fine with me, but it just goes to show you, people really dont want to be friends, they just want to know that you dont hate them. If you dont give them what they want, they have no use for you. Dont fall for the guilt trip, its BS, you know youre doing the right thing.
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