I'm nearing my limit, don't know how much more I can take.

[InBentRage]

Hey everyone my name is Jim

 

I've tried talking to actual people in my life, noone wants to listen. I don't enjoy anything in my life anymore. I am 22, single and i'm pretty sure i'm depressed. I wake up in the morning and just stare at the ceiling, I make no attempt to get up early to better myself anymore. I work a full time job that requires that I treat people like ****, even though that isn't the type of person I am. The problem is the attitude follows me home sometimes and some people don't even want to be in my presence anymore. I want to bedifferent but I just can't find the will to change anymore. I hate my life and the path it has been taking. All I hear over and over from people is " change yourself" , I can't get it through their head that I have tried but nessessities in life make it so very difficult. On my days off from work all I do is sit at home and play video games and I don't even enjoy myself. It's starting to take a toll on my self esteem in general. Truth is I have no idea what to do anymore. My family and my friends don't ever wanna hear me out and I can't afford psychological help. Hell I don't even think I can afford antidepressants. I don't want to kill myself, cause it would destroy my family if I did but I'm running out of options. Should I just keep going on with this life or what. I am truly seeking the advice of people who were in this same situation as I am. I know i'm not the only one and I hate whining like this. It's just been so hard on me mentally. Advil can only take someone so far lol. Thanks anyway everyone, maybe just venting out is the first step.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hey Jim

 

The frustration you are feeling is indeed a sign that you need to change.

 

What job do you do? Why does it require you to treat people badly?

 

Can you answer me a couple of questions:

* what makes you happy?

* what makes you unhappy?

* where did you see your life?

* what is stopping you from changing? fear? confusion? feel stuck? don't know what you want?

 

Please answer

[InBentRage]

Hey Nikki

 

I'm a corrections officer at a local prison, It is the best paying job available to my area , but it's still not enough

 

I don't even know what makes me happy anymore

I am unhappy about everything even though I don't want to be, My job , my "friends", my family.

I used to want to be a video game designer , but like I said , I don't even enjoy my hobbies anymore.

I am stuck , that's the main reason I can't change I suppose. Either that or I am just unwilling to let myself enjoy anything anymore and give me incentive to gtfo of here... from the time I posted this topic to now , I haven't done anything but sit here.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hey Nikki

 

I'm a corrections officer at a local prison, It is the best paying job available to my area , but it's still not enough

 

I don't even know what makes me happy anymore

I am unhappy about everything even though I don't want to be, My job , my "friends", my family.

I used to want to be a video game designer , but like I said , I don't even enjoy my hobbies anymore.

I am stuck , that's the main reason I can't change I suppose. Either that or I am just unwilling to let myself enjoy anything anymore and give me incentive to gtfo of here... from the time I posted this topic to now , I haven't done anything but sit here.

 

Thanks for answering I'm sorry if I can't offer you MUCH but I wish I could.

 

I think its clear your job is one of the main sources of your unhappiness and it makes sense if you think thats where the majority of all our time goes....into our work. Now if its the best you can do at the moment then obviously you must stick it out. Are you actively looking for work? You have a negative spin on dealing with these people. Is there a way you could look at it positively? Are there ANY decent people at the prison who have changed/learnt/are improving that make you feel your job is worthwhile? You should be proud, you are actually doing quite an important and difficult job.

 

If you don't know what makes you happy now, what used to? What are the issues with friends and family? Could you just be putting your unhappiness onto them, so that you can remain where you are and see the fault as being theres (that way you can convince yourself you don't need to change). How often do you play video games? You probably play them too much so they bore you. Could you play with friends? Online? Not alone I mean? Is there any way you can get BACK into that kind of career?

 

Do you almost feel safe in being stuck? Is part of you a bit scared or lazy to change? Like better to stay where you are than maybe face the rejection of not making it?

[monkeyy]

hi jim, i read what you feel and i have been in similar situation, i was so down in the dumps for years i would say bad depression for 4 years, i cryed it out and blamed the wrold,even blamed myself, but you know what one day i just woke up and i said no more of this **** im going to make changes around here even if it feels impossible, i got up that morning and i desited i needed new friends who would keep me positive shut out all the ones who were negative same for family i kept those who would incorage me and motivate me to do go for myself and droped all those who draged me down, i decited to go to school where i met new friends and built an education to ferther myself, the more i acomplished the better i felt of myself, and when i made those changes life was looking brighter happier, and my pashion of wanting to help others begun with helping myself and now im a recent graduate as of march from nursing school and i am helping others to fight for there life and help them not give up, when you work in a hospital you see even more because those people dont have the petti little problems we have they are fighting for there last breath of air and people sometimes to realize how short life is, and how butieful it could be,only if they put the extra efort in to making themselves happy, if you dont like a situation its only up to you your heart and your soal to make that change but you really need to want it. if you need advice or support, you could definitly turn to me any time

[InBentRage]

You're probably right about the family thing, truth is though they never really have been supportive of me. There's a lot of fake smiles being directed at me and lately it just feels like I have been treated like a loan shark as opposed to a member of the family. I go all out sometimes for christmas/birthdays but they still don't appreciate anything i've done for them. I know I shouldn't be trying to buy them, but it feels like they won't even talk to me unless I have the money to back myself up.

Maybe there's a sense of safeness where I am right now. I still can't just pick up and leave, I wish I could. This has been going on since before I started working, I used to play games and draw to help myself get through everything that makes me unhappy. It worked for a long time. But now it doesn't seem to be having the same effect as it usually does. I WANT to change, so badly. The only way for that to happen is if some huge meteor came and wiped out everything keeping me bound to this crappy community. Despite feeling how I feel I still have people who do depend on me financially. It isn't fair, but then again I've never known fair. It's just me in my little town, with my unappreciative family , unsupportive friends and unfullfilling job. How can someone like me ever find true happiness? I don't think it exists, maybe I was hoping that maybe venting how I feel on a forum might help. You helped a bit Nikki and I appreciate you actually taking the time to read my posts. I realize though that me < 6 billion others , I'm so very insignificant. I don't expect life will get any better no matter what changes I attempt to make

[bhweller]

do you have any religious or spiritual beliefs/practices ? Is there any reason why you have not seen a doctor ?