sugarmomma Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I can really relate to your story because my husband abandoned me completely and abruptly. Some people are just cowards and have no problem abandoning people that they claim to care for or love. I started to do some googling on the type of person that does this. These kinds of people totally lack compassion and empathy and they are very self centered. Here is a link that contains a lot of information as to how to deal with these sick, wounded individuals. http://www.greatnorthwestcounseling.com/support-for-individuals/abandonment-recovery.html Do you feel any rage or anger at him for doing this to you? If not, do you think you should? You seem prepared to take him back if he attempted. He is married and when you get over him you will be thankful that he is out of your life. Trust me. I am so glad to be rid of that no good man that I married while in a fog. btw I was the OW too and dropped him like a hot potato after 3 months of lies and bs. No more MM or unavailable men for me. I deserve the best and so do you. Now you just have to believe and act like it. Or better yet, fake it till u make it :^)
Author justdesserts Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Hi Sugarmomma. I checked out the link and yes, there is some good information there. I believe your word "wounded" is incredibly accurate in describing my mm. As far as feeling rage goes. Yes, that was my reation after the initial shock of the email and the time that past between then and my return home. I walked in and went through every cupboard, drawer, shelf and room checking to see if his things were actually all gone. And they were, every last thing. And then I got angry. Out loud I called him all of the nasty things I was feeling. I sat down and immediately wrote out the angry email (with absolutely no intentions of ever sending it even in that moment, just knew it was good therapy to do it) I railed on and on about all of the nasty things I was feeling. Then I called my sister and read it to her. She was very encouraging and supportive that I was able to get to the angry stage so quickly (she has struggled with getting there herself, even though she knows it would be healthy). The next day I woke up and was just left with the sorrow. The excruciating heart break. The pain of every minute seeming like an hour. And I haven't moved back to anger. Last night during my gym class, one song that played was "Forgiveness" and the tears rolled down my cheeks. "There are people in your life who've come and gone They let you down, you know they hurt your pride You better put it all behind you, baby. 'cos life goes on You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby" "I've been trying to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore" And that is where I want to be. I want to forgive him for what he has done to me and I want to accept that it happened to me and move on. Then and only then, will this pain subside. I cannot live with this kind of pain. Any talk of taking him back is only for the purposes of this message board. I want to respond to the questions people have and I am sure there is value in me having to "go there". And I am being brutally honest. I just know to the core of my being that I will not be faced with having to decide what to do. It simply is not going to happen. And my energy needs to be focused on my life and how it is going to look without him in it. I have experienced more love in the time I had with him than some people get in a lifetime, and for that I will one day be able to smile. Today I cry, because it is over.
Author justdesserts Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 To all the caring people out there. I just wanted to let you all know that I likely won't be able to access this forum as I am going to spend the weekend with my sister and she is having internet problems. Didn't want any unnecessary worry over my absence. (ie: selfharm) I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this outlet and how kind everyone has been. Again, a million thanks.
wildsoul Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 To all the caring people out there. I just wanted to let you all know that I likely won't be able to access this forum as I am going to spend the weekend with my sister and she is having internet problems. Didn't want any unnecessary worry over my absence. (ie: selfharm) I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this outlet and how kind everyone has been. Again, a million thanks. Thanks for letting us know! Hardly anyone bothers to do that on forums, and it's true that sometimes you wonder what happend to your forum friend and worry why they've gone silent. Have a good weekend with your sis!
White Flower Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Justdesserts, Welcome to LS. Post often and pour your heart out. Crying helps to heal, so never stuff it down. I'm sorry he left without giving you a chance to work it out. This says something about his character (I know all the clichés about MMs character, ha ha) and what a future with him might have been like. You've got a great sister and friends. Enjoy them now when you need them the most. Hugs, WF.
NoIDidn't Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 To all the caring people out there. I just wanted to let you all know that I likely won't be able to access this forum as I am going to spend the weekend with my sister and she is having internet problems. Didn't want any unnecessary worry over my absence. (ie: selfharm) I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this outlet and how kind everyone has been. Again, a million thanks. Welcome to LS! And have a great time with your sister!
Author justdesserts Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Hello again. I am home after spending the weekend with my sister. She listened and supported, and listened and supported some more. We laughed, we cried. Then a turn of events and she was the one needing support and a listening ear. She had her own crisis to deal with (unrelated to her relationship breakdown) and I was able to be there for her. She was so appreciative of my being there and it's really like it was meant to be. And...I had to step outside of myself. And I did. And that was good for me. I have come a long way in a short time and for that I am grateful. I know it will be two steps forward and one step back (or two steps back) but I am okay and I will be so much more than okay in time. Tommorrow I resume "real life". Going to work, coming home to my home with no one but myself for company. But I can do it. I will do it. And I will come here as often as I need to. This is almost like a journal for me. A journal with helpful supportive friends offering their kindness and best wishes. Thank you to all.
boogieboy Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I think compared to the MM disaster stories Ive seen on this board, consider yourself lucky. he left and will not contact you. Thats EXACTLY what you need to get over him. No contact whatsoever. You will be able to move on and get a man that is all your own. many people on this board are still holding on to hope and are tortured because the MM is still talking to them. You will be alright. Its gonna work out better than you think.
Author justdesserts Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 "You will be alright. It's gonna work out better than you think." And that, my new friend, is exactly what I am holding on to.
bentnotbroken Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Hello again. I am home after spending the weekend with my sister. She listened and supported, and listened and supported some more. We laughed, we cried. Then a turn of events and she was the one needing support and a listening ear. She had her own crisis to deal with (unrelated to her relationship breakdown) and I was able to be there for her. She was so appreciative of my being there and it's really like it was meant to be. And...I had to step outside of myself. And I did. And that was good for me. I have come a long way in a short time and for that I am grateful. I know it will be two steps forward and one step back (or two steps back) but I am okay and I will be so much more than okay in time. Tommorrow I resume "real life". Going to work, coming home to my home with no one but myself for company. But I can do it. I will do it. And I will come here as often as I need to. This is almost like a journal for me. A journal with helpful supportive friends offering their kindness and best wishes. Thank you to all. That's how it works. When we need help the most, someone else comes to us who needs more than we do. Helping someone else is the best way to heal. It gives us what you said, that view outside ourselves. You and your sister will be great help to each other. This is good. Be blessed.
Author justdesserts Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Dear bentnotbroken ~so very true. And "Be blessed"...I like that. I am blessed, I just need to start counting them!
bentnotbroken Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Dear bentnotbroken ~so very true. And "Be blessed"...I like that. I am blessed, I just need to start counting them! We all need to learn to start counting:)
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