confusedcookie Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Here's the thing, i always thought those couples that break up, get together, repeat cycle is crazy, but now its happening to me. So i wonder, is it that I use the word break up too often and too easily, so that when he comes around i forgive, and even sometimes, i say break up, but i want him back, so i call him, or is it that our relationship is already doomed, and from the first break up, we should have broken up. I know i'm confusing, but i never thought of myself as abnormal or a drama queen, but every few months, we have a huge fight. Something happens that i think is the deal breaker, so i break it off, but i want him back so bad, and he says he'll change, and so i weaken, and i take him back and we're happy again. and then BHAM! something else happens. or i say break up, and i can't stand it, so i call him back, and say that maybe the issue we had wasn't as big of a deal of thought it was, we can work through it. IS there something wrong with me? i just want a normal relationship where you have fights, and then forgive, if you say break up, then you mean break up. i want a smooth relationship, not the overly dramatic one i'm in. sigh
paddington bear Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Poor confused cookie. I think when you get so totally emotionally head over heels involved with someone that when they do or say something that really hurts you, it REALLY hurts, and at that moment in time, it's a deal-breaker for you. You, as you said yourself, split up, but then when the anger fades, you look at it in a different light, forget why exactly you got so angry until the next time. Couples argue - too much is bad, only you know where you are on the too much arguing scale. Anyway, next time (and there will be a next time from the sounds of it), don't scream I hate you and I never want to see you again and I want to break up. Sure, if you're mad, you're mad, but maybe just change what you say. "I'm really mad at you right now, give me some time to get the anger out of my system and then we'll talk". Also, I guess you have to think back, in a quiet moment on your own about what is genuinely a deal-breaker for you. If bit by bit you are saying (for example) he spent the night flirting with some other girl, deal-breaker, heart-breaker, I'm breaking up with him and then you get back together and then he does something else and you respond the same way, eventually you're going to end up just being walked all over. However, if in retrospect you genuinely think that you over-reacted, that is a different matter. And yeah, I do think that from the first break-up you should stay broken up. Maybe you're allowed one more try at it, but constant together and then not over and over again is simply stressful for both parties involved. But then, when you fall in love with someone, all rationality can tend to go right out the window
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 IS there something wrong with me? I'm gonna go out on a limb and answer this one. yes.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Glenn!!!!! What? This chick obviously has some problems. She has that dry, monotone defeatist vibe to her posts too, no? Like she's one text message away from cutting herself and turning goth.
Author confusedcookie Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 What? This chick obviously has some problems. She has that dry, monotone defeatist vibe to her posts too, no? Like she's one text message away from cutting herself and turning goth. lol, no actually, i'm not. its just its my first serious relationship and while i know i have my faults too, i just wonder how my relationship has turned out like this when i thought we had a future. and since if i'm analyzing my relationship, i'm wondering if how much i am at fault. and yes, i may have the dry monotone defeatist vibe to me right now, its probably because we just broke up. who doesn't feel dry and defeated when you just broke up?
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