stressed75 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 sorry this is going to be long... wow where do i begin.... here goes: my boyfriend and i have been together a little over 9 months now... the first time i met his mother was a month after we met.... she started in on me from the get go... telling me how she didnt see her son as often anymore and this was not like him... she brought up things that are none of her business (my children).... she then proceeded to tell me how she hated his past two girlfriends because they were not good enough for him and that the main issue she had with one of them was that she wanted her son to have his own children... At that point i informed her that i couldnt have children for her either (i had a prior hysterectomy due to medical problems/ boyfriend has been aware since the beginning of relationship)... she then proceeded to tell me that was fine and that we would just have to get a surrogate!!!! I couldnt believe the woman had the nerve to be so invasive and pushy... he is the youngest of 4 kids and she has grandchildren with her other kids.... the next time i saw her was a month and a half later at thanksgiving and all went ok although i still didnt feel very welcomed. anyways part II to the saga: we moved in with my boyfriends brother and his wife in november.... boyfriends sister in law is a BIG gossip and liar... My boyfriend called her one morning and asked her to let me know he had a work meeting and would be late coming home... I was up waiting for him worried something had happened to him because the road conditions were really bad that day.... She NEVER gave me the message. later that night he said he asked her is she had told me and she said that she did.... I sent her a text when he told me and asked her to tell me when exactly that was supposed to have been... she replied back " im sorry i guess i didnt tell you and im sorry for any inconvenience my negligence may have caused" Later i found out she told everyone else in his family that i was a b**** for texting her about it while still lying to all of them.... the truth finally came out 2 months later on my birthday when she brought it up again and her husband caught her in her lies and confronted her on it... my boyfriend NEVER did anything... he just acted as if nothing happened at all.... When she found out my boyfriend and i were looking for our own place to live she told me that we would just have to buy a bigger house for all of us to live in because they are a communal type family and i may not like it but that is just the way it was going to be!! My thoughts of her at this point are she's TWISTED in the head..... my boyfriend still never said anything to her so when we moved out i was yet again the b****. Anyways at xmas time my boyfriend went to his parents get together. I didnt make it due to work (didnt go to my own families either) When he came home i found out that they all basically bashed me the whole time and that "someone" told them i was supposed to hate them all (not true) and tons of other BS that wasnt true... I'm positive that this "someone" was the sister in law yet again causing problems but i'll never find out the truth. at this time we had only been together for 4 months and they all gave him grief for me not being at their house constantly which is the expected thing in that family..... My family is not like that at all... they do not guilt trip me and make demands on my time.. they understand that i am an adult and have a job and responsibilities and a life of my own to live.... I am really at a loss as to how to deal with this situation... after i heard all that had taken place xmas i have not went to his families house at all... I refuse to subject myself to that kind of abuse and my boyfriend does not stand up for me because he's obviously more worried about their feelings. which really hurts my feelings and is making me angry because i didnt do anything to these people to deserve the way they have treated me and i feel he has a responsibility to talk to them and tell them that the gossiping and lies need to stop. they all call or text daily and he goes to his parents constantly which i dont tell him not to do... i in fact even helped him pick out mother's day flowers for him to take to his mother and grandmother. I am just so frustrated because i really love this guy and it really bothers me having his family hate me ... what should i do? any advice would greatly be appreciated...
bean1 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Just being curious, do you have custody of your children? Do you feel that moving them into this environment (moving in after dating for less than 9 months?) is a good home for them? It's one thing to be on your own, it's a different scenario to have your children witness this.
Author stressed75 Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 my children are older teenagers and wanted to try living with their dad to get to know him better... their father is an excellent dad and he and i get along very well and decided it was in their best interest to give it a try... i raised them from 4 and 2 and they had visits with their father... that is what i meant about his mother making innapropriate comments about issues that are not her concern on the very first time of meeting her.
bean1 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 my children are older teenagers and wanted to try living with their dad to get to know him better... their father is an excellent dad and he and i get along very well and decided it was in their best interest to give it a try... i raised them from 4 and 2 and they had visits with their father... that is what i meant about his mother making innapropriate comments about issues that are not her concern on the very first time of meeting her. Ah ok, they are quite a bit older then. Well, you can only change your own behaviour. I don't see an end to this if your boyfriend doesn't put a stop to it.
karlag Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Very interesting! I am very frustrated for you. However, this is ALL your beloved boyfriends fault for not demanding respect for you. How does he expect you to endure a life of drama? If he is serious about providing a happy future for you he will step it up. If you chose to stay with him you will never be accepted into this "family" and they will always find ways to torment you.
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