carhill Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 However, I find some guys only going for girls with lesser educational background (no offense, just stating what I've observed). Sure then these guys aren't for me though it made me wonder whether they're just more insecure and find smart women intimidating.Intoxicating might be a personally more appropriate term but that has to be a two-way street for a R to work.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 That intellect is 'intimidating' is the biggest misconception around . Intellect and education are *always* such is a joy to be around! Provided that the intelligent person in question is mellow and pleasant to begin with, that is. Of course, there are insecure and educated people that use their "intellect" () to stomp on others, but to be intimidated by such lowlifes insted of putting them in their place is doing a disservice to society . The bottom line is that character trumps education in terms of importance for relationships. A person with solid character and little education is much more desireable than a person with tons of degrees and no character to speak of. I know such people in my professional circle and avoid them like the plaque. Nobody should and will be cut slack because of their degrees if they are deficient in other aspects. The problem I have found with the "academically endowed" is that they're so used to being talked AT (instead of TO) in their lives that once they finally do hit the real world, they operate in that same manner. One of my buddies is a post-doc student at Yale and having a conversation with him is like shaving your balls with a rusty spoon. Instead of listening to what you have to say, acknowledging your point and offering a rebuttal ... you can see his wheels spinning while you're talking, merely trying to identify fragments of your discussion that he can pick apart. And when he talks to people ... anyone (even his own mother) ... again he talks AT them instead of TO them. It's the student mentality. In their case, they spent 85 or 90% of their lives in a small room where one person essentially speaks AT them, telling them what to think. Barking "truths" as they see them. And the students job is to absorb. They're so used to getting absolutes from singular sources that they can't help but play that role once they get uninstitutionalized. I can't stand being talked AT by one person in an absolute tone (which is why I hated college). The LAST thing I want is that sort of **** from my wife. As it is I have to hear her break balls about me not doing the ****ing dishes.
carhill Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 So, who does the dishes when you go camping? Interesting comments about "to" and "at". Our psychologist covered that aspect. The mind can be a weapon.
Sam Spade Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 The problem I have found with the "academically endowed" is that they're so used to being talked AT (instead of TO) in their lives that once they finally do hit the real world, they operate in that same manner. One of my buddies is a post-doc student at Yale and having a conversation with him is like shaving your balls with a rusty spoon. Instead of listening to what you have to say, acknowledging your point and offering a rebuttal ... you can see his wheels spinning while you're talking, merely trying to identify fragments of your discussion that he can pick apart. And when he talks to people ... anyone (even his own mother) ... again he talks AT them instead of TO them. It's the student mentality. In their case, they spent 85 or 90% of their lives in a small room where one person essentially speaks AT them, telling them what to think. Barking "truths" as they see them. And the students job is to absorb. They're so used to getting absolutes from singular sources that they can't help but play that role once they get uninstitutionalized. I can't stand being talked AT by one person in an absolute tone (which is why I hated college). The LAST thing I want is that sort of **** from my wife. As it is I have to hear her break balls about me not doing the ****ing dishes. This is true, unfortunately. And I don't even want **** on others - *I* was (and probably still occasionally do) the above all the time, and ruined many conversations before I learned quell the self-righteousness that comes with mastering some narrow area or field. While academic knowledge is of course superior in the respective area of specialization, it is easy to forget that this expertise does *not* automatically translate in being competent in any other analytical, everyday, or social situation. So, since I too have no intention of marrying a textbook, high level of education is secondary to other qualities .
stillafool Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Glenn, if that's you in the avatar you are a cutie!!! Who cares about the dishes???
carhill Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 LOL, read the penis and breast threads and reinforce for me that it is indeed all about appearances He's a little more "exposed" over there...
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 LOL, read the penis and breast threads and reinforce for me that it is indeed all about appearances He's a little more "exposed" over there...Don't forget the education thread. "I'z in yo' face!".
Author MissHollywood Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 There seems to be a slight slant toward the smart group, given that this group doesn't have a nasty attitude. It seems that the ideal woman for most guys in general is someone of reasonable educational background, plans her time well between work and life and doesn't have a bitchy attitude.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 There seems to be a slight slant toward the smart group, given that this group doesn't have a nasty attitude. It seems that the ideal woman for most guys in general is someone of reasonable educational background, plans her time well between work and life and doesn't have a bitchy attitude.Saying and living it, are two different things. I'm going to throw in a generalization. "Is she hawt?"
Author MissHollywood Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Saying and living it, are two different things. I'm going to throw in a generalization. "Is she hawt?" That's asking for perfection. Some guys have all the luck. I know of one (bachelor's degree) with a good-looking girl, who doesn't have too high an educational background. Maybe that's the perfect girl?
loveslife Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Never say never. I have a masters degree and come from a family where education is very important. Never in a million years would I have considered getting involved with someone who did not have at least a bachelors from a respectable college or university. Enter one of my exes - a mason who dropped out of high school at age 16. Him and I got along better than I have with any of my other boyfriends. But he was very insecure about the difference in our backgrounds. He is a hard worker, owns his own house, has good family values and treated me well. We also never once, not for a moment, ran out of conversation. Of all the guys I've been involved with, he is the only one I saw a future of marriage and family with. I felt loved, secure, stimulated and happy. To this day I regret not being able to show him how much he meant to me. And I feel it is such a shame that he was so insecure about our differences. It's been over 7 years since we broke up but we are still good friends and still enjoy one another. Maybe one day it'll work out but for now I have the lesson of never saying never.
Stockalone Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 How many of you guys would date and marry a girl who has high educational qualifications, such as postgraduate and above? Intelligent women are certainly a turn-on. I very much enjoy being intelectually stimulated/challenged. But I don't care if a woman has a degree or not. That being said, in my experience, many women with high educational qualifications are very driven, ambitious and expect their partner to be the same. That is a perfectly reasonable requirement, I believe that people who are like-minded (who share similar goals, ideals and values) make a better couple in the long run. Which means I am not a good match for those women, I am pretty much a minimalist who has hardly any ambition.
spookie Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I value smartness. Being educated does not equal being smart. That said... nowadays it certainly seems like NOT being eduated equals NOT being smart, or contrapostively, being smart = being educated. So I guess I view it as a pre-requisite. Though if the guy managed to capture my attention for long enough to prove he was intelligent some other way, I wouldn't care.
jayOG Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think you might find that the level of educational success a guy finds attractive is directly related to his. I find intelligence, and I guess therefore educational achievement a HUGE turn on. But then, I have spent years in higher learning and have had a large exposure to such women. It's not a prerequisite for me, but definitely not anything to be afraid of. x2 --------------------------------- Smart girls are a huge turn on for me, I need someone to communicate with on a higher level. I guess if I was really dumb it might very intimidating for me to date someone with crazy credentials. Also similar levels of intelligence and education make for better compatibility.
Isolde Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 First of all, I just want to say something. Pursuing education beyond college does not make you an extended college student. I'm doing a master's degree in a field that's not very specialized, but very professionally oriented -- a good match for me and my values, since I want a stable and interesting job but am willing to be flexible about exactly where I work and what I do. At any rate, this year I've been working 50 hours a week, sometimes more, and I went to maybe one party all year. So yeah, postgrad does not equal reliving freshman year of college, unless you take ten years to get a PhD or four years to get a master's. Secondly, I don't have rigid requirements about this. I'm willing to take each individual as they come. That said, I doubt that anyone with less than a bachelor's degree would be compatible with my goals and values. Let's just say that education is correlated with a lot of other values. I personally think it's better to be overeducated (if there is such a thing) than under-, since most degrees give you skills that strengthen your work ethic and character in a broad sense, carrying over in unexpected ways. It's a mistake to think that women pursuing postgrad degrees are necessarily interested in making millions and scaling the corporate ladder or wouldn't be willing to give some of that up for family later on. That's simply not true. Don't take mental shortcuts where something like education is concerned. People have their personal reasons for pursuing or not pursuing it... and to know that, you have to get to know the person. For that same reason, I'd give a guy who hadn't pursued an education a chance, even though as I said, I don't think it would work.
Author MissHollywood Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Intelligent women are certainly a turn-on. I very much enjoy being intelectually stimulated/challenged. But I don't care if a woman has a degree or not. Would it be fair to say then that most people don't really care whether their partners are graduates but would at least like someone whom they can talk to in the same wavelength? I would think if person A is interested in medical science, it would be difficult to find that in person B if the latter doesn't have a relevant degree of sorts. If person A is interested in someone street smart, who has a smart comment for everything in life or about life (anything that doesn't require specialized knowledge in any particular field), then the partner doesn't need to be highly educated.
loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Would it be fair to say then that most people don't really care whether their partners are graduates but would at least like someone whom they can talk to in the same wavelength? I would think if person A is interested in medical science, it would be difficult to find that in person B if the latter doesn't have a relevant degree of sorts. If person A is interested in someone street smart, who has a smart comment for everything in life or about life (anything that doesn't require specialized knowledge in any particular field), then the partner doesn't need to be highly educated. I think sometimes you don't know precisely what you want until it's staring you in the face. I think it says a lot about someone to have it so figured out that they know every quality they're looking for in a potential mate. Sounds kind of rigid to me.
Stockalone Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Would it be fair to say then that most people don't really care whether their partners are graduates but would at least like someone whom they can talk to in the same wavelength? I figured that would be a given. Don't we all look for a partner that we get along well with, enjoy spending time with and can talk to about different things? I would think if person A is interested in medical science, it would be difficult to find that in person B if the latter doesn't have a relevant degree of sorts. If person A is interested in someone street smart, who has a smart comment for everything in life or about life (anything that doesn't require specialized knowledge in any particular field), then the partner doesn't need to be highly educated. I never looked at it like that. My job is just my job, not part of my personal life. I don't need a gf to know or care about what a Nash equilibrium is for example. I have a friend who has a similar degree and we sometimes talk about developments in that field. In your example, I think that person A has a very specific requirement. Probably one that can only be met by someone within the same field. Someone with no degree or an unrelated degree might not know anything about medical science.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 How many of you guys would date and marry a girl who has high educational qualifications, such as postgraduate and above? I know of at least one guy that is surrounded by many smart female friends but is going out with a beautiful girl with not high educational qualifications. I'm not saying nothing else matters but are guys put off by brains? Girls, how high on your list are educational qualifications and career when you choose your men? My cousin who dates ALOT, claims that the more educated a woman is the lower her sex drive. I've never noticed a difference myself, but I have heard a study that claimed this is true for both sexes.
Author MissHollywood Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 My cousin who dates ALOT, claims that the more educated a woman is the lower her sex drive. I've never noticed a difference myself, but I have heard a study that claimed this is true for both sexes. I assume you're talking about this http://www.informationliberation.com/index.php?id=2614.
GorillaTheater Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I assume you're talking about this http://www.informationliberation.com/index.php?id=2614. I'll hazard a guess that a highly educated person has a tougher time getting in touch with their lizard brain (the one who wants little more than to f*ck - and orgasm - and kill). Despite my degrees, though, my lizard brain and I get along fairly well.
carhill Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 IMO, the more educated and intelligent one is, the more propensity for one's mind to be "running" all the time. For me, bringing the mind to idle and engaging the emotions and libido are essential for proper romantic and sexual interest. I don't know if it's that way for women as well, but have noted women I know with higher education and IQ to have the same issues. They're "preoccupied". Compatibility stems from knowing how to bring each other to idle to engage the emotional dynamic. For me, this is where non-sexual physical affection plays a key role, as it "gets my my mind off" the next great idea. Being with someone who initiates and/or values that is key to my feeling romantic. Again, women may be different in that regard, but it is understanding what makes us tick and finding and valuing that in a partner which is key for a healthy LTR.
loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 IMO, the more educated and intelligent one is, the more propensity for one's mind to be "running" all the time. For me, bringing the mind to idle and engaging the emotions and libido are essential for proper romantic and sexual interest. I don't know if it's that way for women as well, but have noted women I know with higher education and IQ to have the same issues. They're "preoccupied". Compatibility stems from knowing how to bring each other to idle to engage the emotional dynamic. For me, this is where non-sexual physical affection plays a key role, as it "gets my my mind off" the next great idea. Being with someone who initiates and/or values that is key to my feeling romantic. Again, women may be different in that regard, but it is understanding what makes us tick and finding and valuing that in a partner which is key for a healthy LTR. Carhill, I think there's a lot to this. I never thought of it this way but that's exactly what it is for me. Wow, a revelation. Earlier in the thread I was mentioning the guy I was involved with who left high school at age 16. He's certainly smart, just not book smart and not inclined in the way people who go to school for a lot of years are inclined. When we were together I felt so good with him. At ease and at peace. Like the fiery beast within was soothed. I never quite put it together before but I think he was able to engage me emotionally and sexually not nobody else has. The other guys I've been involved with have been of similar high education and ambition level. And there are always ideas and things of interest to discuss. And that's great. But while it stimulates me, it doesn't soothe me and bring me to a place of greater emotional involvement. Hmmmmm I'm really glad you posted this. It really just made a lot of things click for me.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Regardless of whether you're educated, highly educated, uneducated, partially educated, if you can't apply what you've learned (book or street) or don't have common sense, it doesn't matter what kind of partner you've picked.
simplythebest Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Personally, I think educational qualification should not matter. Trust me, there are plenty of people out there with theid diplomas on their walls, who have zero personality. My last boyfriend, for instance, has a Masters in Mechanical Engineering. I have two bachelors degrees in Psychology and Political Science. I was with him for about half a year, but most of our conversations had to do with what he studied in school (Thermodynamics...) which were subjects I was not familiar with . He was very patronizing. Worst of all, he wasn't even smart, he knew nothing about the arts, pop-culture, etc. All he knew was engineering. Our conversations sucked. I am currently dating a cable installer with 1 year of college. I am soooo happy.
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