loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 there's more constructive ways of saying I'm not interested DIRECTLY not ambiguously. Reading between the lines is difficult when someones actually ambiguous and flirtatious. You just re-affirmed what I said. If being mature meant trying to decode mature women's "womanese" then I can conclude these women aren't very mature. Gutless. I'm really curious. What would you say if a woman you weren't interested in dating asked you out? What might you have preferred this woman to say? I'm curious because I don't know of many good ways to reject someone.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Wow, you're really hurt and angry. The lady at work might have been trying to be polite. It's better to be direct but it doesn't sound like she was being manipulative or gutless or leading you on. It's a difficult situation for her. She was just trying to not hurt your feelings. The road to you-know-where is paved with good intentions. Oh well, guess you have your answer though. Can't imagine you'd want to go out with someone you have such a low opinion of at this point. I would like to give her a piece of my mind. My intentions were good and I requested something from her politely with no pressure. Then you get mixed signals (don't say maybe I'm reading into things, I'm not) and ambiguous answers. I'll just ignore her and pray very hard she'll be led on by someone. I hope it happens.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I'm really curious. What would you say if a woman you weren't interested in dating asked you out? What might you have preferred this woman to say? I'm curious because I don't know of many good ways to reject someone. I have turned down women before. I don't conjure up speeches. I always say, "Thank you very much for your offer, I'm very flattered but I'm really sorry I'm not interested".
Cora Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 thanks for the replies people. This type of woman has no "balls" to say it directly. Its a very good answer because a) its ambiguous therefore she wont claim **** for it and b) you really can't say she led you on straight to her face (which I would really like to do-at least have the decency to say "no") because Its also actually implying I'm going to spiral down bitterly, whatever. Next time I'll know what to do when I meet gutless women like this. I just wanna give a shout out for her mixed signals saying she'd like to go out with me from one of my co-workers, yeah right burn in hell. Welcome to the club! Apparently a lot of people can't be direct for some reason or another.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Just as an FYI, in my entire life, I've never had a woman just say 'no thanks, Im not interested' or anything that direct. Its ALWAYS 'I just got out of a relationship/Im not sure what I want/etc' which you have to realize on your own means 'no'. Anything short of 'sure/yes' is a 'no'. And if someone doesnt say yes the first time then theyre never going to.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Just as an FYI, in my entire life, I've never had a woman just say 'no thanks, Im not interested' or anything that direct. Its ALWAYS 'I just got out of a relationship/Im not sure what I want/etc' which you have to realize on your own means 'no'. Anything short of 'sure/yes' is a 'no'. And if someone doesnt say yes the first time then theyre never going to. not everyone lives your life. People have lives different from yours. I have met women that are actually direct but not harsh, bless them.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 not everyone lives your life. People have lives different from yours. I have met women that are actually direct but not harsh, bless them. I understand, but you cant EXPECT every woman you meet to be direct and not harsh. Thats just not realistic. Also, I have to add - asking people out at work is a terrible idea. Been there, done that.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I understand, but you cant EXPECT every woman you meet to be direct and not harsh. Thats just not realistic. Also, I have to add - asking people out at work is a terrible idea. Been there, done that. I didnt say or imply I was expecting every woman to be direct. I was merely stating that your experience doesnt equate to everything which you crudely implied which also isn't realistic. So we can both agree its a mixed bag. You also have to think about the statement she gave me and not the ones based on your experience. Her one was very ambiguous "i'll think about it" (coupled with sincere body language). I am stating that I am frustrated because this woman actually knew what she was doing and quite frankly women know that general statements like these actually give a glimmer of hope to men. I forgot to add (due to anger) she said "she'll let me know soon" which she hasn't done yet.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Here is where I think you and I have a disconnect. From my experiences, "i'll think about it" pretty clearly means 'no'. Perhaps I get the benefit of having dealt with many vague and ambiguous women, so I've taken that as the norm. It is, however, pretty standard for women to be indirect. I'm sure it is a mixed bag to a certain extent, seeing as everyone is different in some way, but for me - I've taken to reading between the lines. "she'll let me know soon" Is also kind of silly. Seriously, what is there to think about that she needs to let you know at a later time? In my mind, all that means is that if she had absolutely nothing going on, it might be better to hang out with you than to sit alone. Again, I would totally take this as a 'no thanks'. I am stating that I am frustrated because this woman actually knew what she was doing and quite frankly women know that general statements like these actually give a glimmer of hope to men. I really dont think she thought it out that much. Subconciously, perhaps she didnt want to let go of an option, but I doubt she thought about it like 'Im just giving him a glimmer of hope to be selfish'. Remember, women also love options. They like the idea of several guys interested, so that they can pick and chose, without the fear of having to decide between one guy or being alone. YOU have to realize that it wasnt a glimmer of hope. YOU have to understand they way dating goes: if its not a yes, its a no - every time.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 again, its not all about your experience. Context of the situation you also have to take into account. you answered your 2nd paragraph with the 3rd one. Dating is also taking things into context instead of just basing behavior and responses as black and white. Here is where I think you and I have a disconnect. From my experiences, "i'll think about it" pretty clearly means 'no'. Perhaps I get the benefit of having dealt with many vague and ambiguous women, so I've taken that as the norm. It is, however, pretty standard for women to be indirect. I'm sure it is a mixed bag to a certain extent, seeing as everyone is different in some way, but for me - I've taken to reading between the lines. "she'll let me know soon" Is also kind of silly. Seriously, what is there to think about that she needs to let you know at a later time? In my mind, all that means is that if she had absolutely nothing going on, it might be better to hang out with you than to sit alone. Again, I would totally take this as a 'no thanks'. I really dont think she thought it out that much. Subconciously, perhaps she didnt want to let go of an option, but I doubt she thought about it like 'Im just giving him a glimmer of hope to be selfish'. Remember, women also love options. They like the idea of several guys interested, so that they can pick and chose, without the fear of having to decide between one guy or being alone. YOU have to realize that it wasnt a glimmer of hope. YOU have to understand they way dating goes: if its not a yes, its a no - every time.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Dude, I can see youre pissed. I understand, been there before. I'm just trying to get you to understand that you really shouldnt be all that upset at this woman for being just like millions of other woman: vague. I understand my experiences do not create the norm, but they also arent just isolated circumstances that should be completely ignored because they arent what you want to hear. I used to get pissed, too. I remember one girl was mid-way through telling me that she wasnt ready to date, and I got up and walked out on her, never called her again. In hindsight, yeah - she was BS'ing me, but it doesnt make the situation any better to call anyone out or make them out to be 'gutless'. We all handle things in the way thats best for us, even if it sometimes ends up being at someone else's expense.
sid3 Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Who gives someone a "peice of their mind" because they were rejected. WTF is that about. Are you trying to change women, one at a time. Or are you just concerned about the next guy getting the same mixed messages from her. It's kinda black in white when you think about it. He'll either get in her pants or he won't. BCCA gave you some good advice, like the woman who shot you down, he was being sensitive to your feelings. What you apparently want to do is pout and be emotionally upset by this one rejection. You'd be better off sucking it up, act like a man and quit acting like a little bitch. Your only hurting your own self esteem and confidence at this point. Instead of looking at it like you had the balls to ask a woman out, you've gotten your balls handed to you by a woman because she was ambiguous and flirtatious at the same time. You'll get over the embarassment of having to work with a woman who shot you down, give it some time. I'd imagine that's gotta suck. In the mean time,lash out if it makes you feel better.
WTRanger Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I have to agree 100% with BCCA. I've been turned down many times, you can tell. I've never heard a direct "no." It's always been the vague maybe in the future, not right now, etc. I asked a close female friend about this, she also admitted the only time she was direct and said "no" was when the guy was being a complete dick to her. Every other time, she left it vague to keep the door always open to that guy. It is all about the options. All she is doing is saying she's really not interested at the moment, and probably never will be but she doesn't want to rip your heart out. However that being said if the two of you are the last two people on Earth then, maybe, she'll reconsider.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 Who gives someone a "peice of their mind" because they were rejected. WTF is that about. Are you trying to change women, one at a time. Or are you just concerned about the next guy getting the same mixed messages from her. It's kinda black in white when you think about it. He'll either get in her pants or he won't. BCCA gave you some good advice, like the woman who shot you down, he was being sensitive to your feelings. What you apparently want to do is pout and be emotionally upset by this one rejection. You'd be better off sucking it up, act like a man and quit acting like a little bitch. Your only hurting your own self esteem and confidence at this point. Instead of looking at it like you had the balls to ask a woman out, you've gotten your balls handed to you by a woman because she was ambiguous and flirtatious at the same time. You'll get over the embarassment of having to work with a woman who shot you down, give it some time. I'd imagine that's gotta suck. In the mean time,lash out if it makes you feel better. Man STFU. Never said anything about changing a woman's mind "one by one". Nor am I concerned about the succeeding men. An eye for an eye. Why don't you read the previous posts properly you prick. I did suck it up, although giving her a piece of my mind would actually compensate for what she did. Its not embarrassing because when I took the dive I knew what I was getting into and the affair was only between the two of us. Quit tough talking over the internet you ****n c*nt.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 Dude, I can see youre pissed. I understand, been there before. I'm just trying to get you to understand that you really shouldnt be all that upset at this woman for being just like millions of other woman: vague. I understand my experiences do not create the norm, but they also arent just isolated circumstances that should be completely ignored because they arent what you want to hear. I used to get pissed, too. I remember one girl was mid-way through telling me that she wasnt ready to date, and I got up and walked out on her, never called her again. In hindsight, yeah - she was BS'ing me, but it doesnt make the situation any better to call anyone out or make them out to be 'gutless'. We all handle things in the way thats best for us, even if it sometimes ends up being at someone else's expense. bro for the record I wasn't attacking you, just challenging your ideas. Thanks for giving me a different perspective also. In all honesty this is actually a first let down where the woman was VERY ambiguous. The rest that I've dealt with were either pretty upfront and did so politely. Some also sent a little ambiguity but patience paid off and eventually I got to be with them.
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