gypsy_nicky Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Sorry for the long post but I am presently trying to get a date with this woman in my workplace (I really like her-personality and looks wise). Thing is Ive asked 2x and she really hasnt said no or yes-"she's still thinking about it". I have quite good conversations with her at work and from what I gather there's no awkwardness between the two of us, although both of us know that I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with her. she is a very independent career minded woman whose had a lot of experience with relationships. I'm a baby compared to her experiences. I would appreciate some input from LS members because I really am clueless as to where i stand- is it a no, is she really thinking about it, is she leading me on? Should I ask a third time or wait for her or just plain drop it?
alphamale Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Sorry for the long post its not a long post Thing is Ive asked 2x and she really hasnt said no or yes-"she's still thinking about it". thats generally a bad sign...
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I'd say drop it and don't mention it again if she doesn't.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 You should never "ask someone out" at work. You need to get her out to a Happy Hour, then isolate her from the herd when she's drunk and THEN make your move. Play the role of indifferent coworker but your tone should be playful. Also, its important not to rush things with a coworker. I mean, its not like either of you can go months without seeing each other. You can plant a seed and nurture it slowly overtime. But again, your best bet is after work and lots of alcohol. If she shoots you down, at least you can blame the booze.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 its not a long post thats generally a bad sign... she's saying no nicely?
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Ive still been dropping hints to her that I'm still interested, she seems receptive though. Thing is I have this feeing she's trying to fee me out because its only been recently that Ive expressed interest in her and no I don't really know her that well yet. Still, if she was really attracted she would've said yes the first time.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 she's saying no nicely? basically if a woman is genuinely interested in a man she will say yes right way. when a woman likes a man she will go out of her way to make it easy for him to ask her out. thats generally how it works.
spiracles Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 the only thing she is interested in is having you stroke her ego.
BCCA Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 If you ask someone out, and they dont say yes, take it as a no. If she was truly interested, I agree - should would make it easy for you to ask her out, and she would say yes. 'Thinking about it' means no, but she appreciates knowing that if push comes to shove, there is always this guy at work that likes her. And who doesnt like knowing that someone likes them, its a great ego boost. So, to answer your question, she doesnt seem interested, and I would let this one go. You made an effort, which is great, but your interest wasnt reciprocated.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 ladies point of view? I'm thinking the ones that replied here are going by some general rules on dating and lumping all women behavior together. Not taking it out on you guys just need to see different opinions.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 its not a long post thats generally a bad sign... longest I've made lol
bean1 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 ladies point of view? I'm thinking the ones that replied here are going by some general rules on dating and lumping all women behavior together. Not taking it out on you guys just need to see different opinions. Sorry, if she was interested she would have said yes. Don't ask her a 3rd time - that's starting to get into the workplace sexual harassment territory and you don't want to go there. Leave her be from a ladies point of view.
tinklebell Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 ladies point of view? I'm thinking the ones that replied here are going by some general rules on dating and lumping all women behavior together. Not taking it out on you guys just need to see different opinions. As a girl, I would jump at the opportunity of going out with someone I fancy (though I'd stop at letting him know I'm skipping about and deliriously happy while talking to him on the phone). I've never played so hard to get that a guy I fancy don't get me. Hope it helps.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Do you want an honest answer? When I tell a guy that I'll think about it, normally I'm just trying to be polite and warding you off. I'm actually waiting for someone else to get back to me before I settle for you as my second choice.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 thanks for the replies people. This type of woman has no "balls" to say it directly. Its a very good answer because a) its ambiguous therefore she wont claim **** for it and b) you really can't say she led you on straight to her face (which I would really like to do-at least have the decency to say "no") because Its also actually implying I'm going to spiral down bitterly, whatever. Next time I'll know what to do when I meet gutless women like this. I just wanna give a shout out for her mixed signals saying she'd like to go out with me from one of my co-workers, yeah right burn in hell.
zhsoj Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 thanks for the replies people. This type of woman has no "balls" to say it directly. Its a very good answer because a) its ambiguous therefore she wont claim **** for it and b) you really can't say she led you on straight to her face (which I would really like to do-at least have the decency to say "no") because Its also actually implying I'm going to spiral down bitterly, whatever. Next time I'll know what to do when I meet gutless women like this. I just wanna give a shout out for her mixed signals saying she'd like to go out with me from one of my co-workers, yeah right burn in hell. I don't know if I'd get that worked up about it... You did exactly all that you should do. You asked her directly and she answered ambiguously. Twice no less! Next time that happens just leave it all in her court and don't allow her to beat around the bush. For all her so-called experience you would have thought she would have just been frank with you.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think some people believe that its so obvious that theyre blowing you off that it IS direct. And you do have to work with this woman, so she could be trying to be nice for the sake of keeping the peace around the office.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I think some people believe that its so obvious that theyre blowing you off that it IS direct. And you do have to work with this woman, so she could be trying to be nice for the sake of keeping the peace around the office. b.u.l.l s*** its direct. Direct is a straight yes or no. I think I'm old enough and she's old enough to know this (and she has more experience than me duh on her part). I'm actually a guy who's mature enough to handle rejection properly. Wonder how many she's led on. I think workplace peace would be kept if this woman would actually be frank and let people know her boundaries instead of being ambiguous about it. gutlesss
tinklebell Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I think some people believe that its so obvious that theyre blowing you off that it IS direct. And you do have to work with this woman, so she could be trying to be nice for the sake of keeping the peace around the office. I wish people would quit being polite but tell the truth (in a polite manner, no less). Then again, we could be doubting ourselves too much that we overthink that even if people were being honest, we don't trust them.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 For all her so-called experience you would have thought she would have just been frank with you. amen brother
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Do you want an honest answer? When I tell a guy that I'll think about it, normally I'm just trying to be polite and warding you off. I'm actually waiting for someone else to get back to me before I settle for you as my second choice. you scream gutless and manipulative.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 I wish people would quit being polite but tell the truth (in a polite manner, no less). Then again, we could be doubting ourselves too much that we overthink that even if people were being honest, we don't trust them. amen. Honesty isn't ambiguity.
loveslife Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 you scream gutless and manipulative. Wow, you're really hurt and angry. The lady at work might have been trying to be polite. It's better to be direct but it doesn't sound like she was being manipulative or gutless or leading you on. It's a difficult situation for her. She was just trying to not hurt your feelings. The road to you-know-where is paved with good intentions. Oh well, guess you have your answer though. Can't imagine you'd want to go out with someone you have such a low opinion of at this point.
BCCA Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 Dude, how much better about this would you REALLY feel if she just said, "No thanks, I dont really find you attractive". That would be music to your ears? No, come on man. You have to be mature and experienced enough to read between the lines. "I'll think about it" IS clear; it means no. Think about if you said it, what would it mean to you. I think this is more about the fact that shes not interested, but remains flirty, than the fact that shes not direct.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted May 15, 2009 Author Posted May 15, 2009 Dude, how much better about this would you REALLY feel if she just said, "No thanks, I dont really find you attractive". That would be music to your ears? No, come on man. You have to be mature and experienced enough to read between the lines. "I'll think about it" IS clear; it means no. Think about if you said it, what would it mean to you. I think this is more about the fact that shes not interested, but remains flirty, than the fact that shes not direct. there's more constructive ways of saying I'm not interested DIRECTLY not ambiguously. Reading between the lines is difficult when someones actually ambiguous and flirtatious. You just re-affirmed what I said. If being mature meant trying to decode mature women's "womanese" then I can conclude these women aren't very mature. Gutless.
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