loveslife Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I'm finding that a part of me that has long been repressed is starting to come out again. At heart, I am very much adventurous and into my freedom. This doesn't mean I don't want a relationship though. One issue I've had in the past, which is why I think I suppressed this part of me, is that guys mistake not "needing" them with not wanting them. But maybe I've been with the wrong guys. Guess my question here is two-fold. Is there a way to make clear you want to be with someone even if you also want to be free to do your thing? And, are there guys who find it a turn-on when a woman can entertain herself so to speak, takes off and does thing spontaneously and on her own?
bean1 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 What do you mean exactly? Do you like to have the occasional girl's night out - or do you take off on a solo vacation for 2-3 months at a time? If these men interpret it as "not needing them" than perhaps it is your delivery of speech rather than what you actually do.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 My wife is brutally boring. She's smoking hot but completely anti-social and about as unadventurous as a human being can get. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Author loveslife Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 What do you mean exactly? Do you like to have the occasional girl's night out - or do you take off on a solo vacation for 2-3 months at a time? If these men interpret it as "not needing them" than perhaps it is your delivery of speech rather than what you actually do. I like to take off for a weekend alone or just be out of touch for a few days and not have it mean I'm not into the person. But a few days, not a few weeks. I'm always open to the other person joining if they want, but if they can't I might not wait for them to be ready. But there are also times when I'm a complete homebody. Maybe it is just learning to communicate better. Thanks.
Author loveslife Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 My wife is brutally boring. She's smoking hot but completely anti-social and about as unadventurous as a human being can get. I wouldn't want it any other way. Yeah, I think a lot of guys like their women that way.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Guys like to say they want to date or marry a freak who can satisfy their sexual desires on call. But if my wife kicked open the bedroom door wearing latex pants and battery powered nipple clamps ... I'm gonna be a little suspicious the next time she works late.
tinklebell Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 My wife is brutally boring. She's smoking hot but completely anti-social and about as unadventurous as a human being can get. I wouldn't want it any other way. GQ and loveslife, could you elaborate? Men like their wives boring, anti-social and unadventurous, as long as they're smoking hot? But why are some guys I know going out with girls half their age, hot and not entirely boring or anti-social?
Author loveslife Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Guys like to say they want to date or marry a freak who can satisfy their sexual desires on call. But if my wife kicked open the bedroom door wearing latex pants and battery powered nipple clamps ... I'm gonna be a little suspicious the next time she works late. Haha I'm hardly a freak. Just like time to myself.
alclarkey Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 GQ and loveslife, could you elaborate? Men like their wives boring, anti-social and unadventurous, as long as they're smoking hot? But why are some guys I know going out with girls half their age, hot and not entirely boring or anti-social? Realize that he was talking about himself and no one else. I certainly don't want a bore for a wife.
tinklebell Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Realize that he was talking about himself and no one else. I certainly don't want a bore for a wife. I didn't think so. But loveslife replied saying "Yeah, I think a lot of guys like their women that way. " Or am I still half asleep while reading the posts?
zhsoj Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I like to take off for a weekend alone or just be out of touch for a few days and not have it mean I'm not into the person. But a few days, not a few weeks. I'm always open to the other person joining if they want, but if they can't I might not wait for them to be ready. But there are also times when I'm a complete homebody. Maybe it is just learning to communicate better. Thanks. Bingo. I don't think similar minded guys would mind that at all. In fact they'd likely prefer it. The problem however is going to be conveying that you are in fact interested. I think a lot of guys are used to being "let down easy". It would be easy for a guy to see you charging off on your own as saying "I don't really care if you are around or not". To help convey that you really do want him around is to of course invite him and make provisions for him to come along. Ask to make sure he will be okay if you go off on your own (though of course you aren't really asking, more like feeling him out), and then maybe promise to cook him dinner when you get back or something. Of course this is assuming that you really would like him to come along so you two could share the experience...
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 GQ and loveslife, could you elaborate? Men like their wives boring, anti-social and unadventurous, as long as they're smoking hot? But why are some guys I know going out with girls half their age, hot and not entirely boring or anti-social? Guys in their 40's date girls in their 20's for the same reason they buy vintage Mustangs. They're not thinking about the poor efficiency, safety concerns or cost of maintenance. They're thinking about impressing people and satisfying their own narcissistic desire to be seen as still young and still able. But rest assured, the majority of them aren't exactly thrilled with their "adventurous wife" when she wraps their Jag around a telephone pole after her 5th straight night of clubbing. They don't have the will or the energy to keep up. They just do it because the self worth gains outweigh the incompatibility. As for why I like a boring wife ... well it's simple. I don't want a wife who will funnel a bottle of Merlot then go dance on the bar until her panties fall off. It's cool to look at it ... not cool to be married to. And in my whorish experience (close to 200 women before my 25th birthday) the type of girl who seductively sucks on her finger amidst a drunken sexcapade, handcuffs you to her Hello Kitty bedpost and sticks her thumb up your ass is the same type of girl who pisses in parking lots and sucks dick to blot her lip gloss. No thanks. My wife reads books and watches TV during the week. Then we'll do some yardwork, go out to dinner or visit with family on the weekends. She doesn't drink, smoke or go bar hopping with her friends. But best of all, she doesn't care if I drink, smoke and go bar hopping with mine.
boldjack Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I guess LL, that would depend on what "adventures" you had in mind. Would they include possible sex with someone else ? I think that would be a sticking point. If the "adventures were non-sexual in nature, I don't see a problem. My wife went white-water rafting with some friends (female) and I couldn't go, I encouraged her to take the trip anyway.
MeaganRaye Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 A lot of women feel the same way you do. If it weren't for the labels that society puts on women, I think a lot of us would be more promiscuous. I've always been curious to see what it's like to be with a lot of men, of every size and girth. But I don't want to be considered used goods for when I find the right man some day
Lizzie60 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 A lot of women feel the same way you do. If it weren't for the labels that society puts on women, I think a lot of us would be more promiscuous. I've always been curious to see what it's like to be with a lot of men, of every size and girth. But I don't want to be considered used goods for when I find the right man some day Yabutt.. I have a different opinion.. I don't care what society say or think about 'free wild promiscuous' women.. some of them are just jealous of that freedom.. AND If more and more women would ignore the 'labels' it would change society.. eventually.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Women will never be the whores men strive to be for simple concept of supply vs demand. It's basic human nature. With the production of progesterone, women have the same nasty sex-craving chemical as us guys (albeit at a noticeable disparity). But we've evolved socially to put the pussy on a pedestal. Men want what they can't have. Women don't want what they know they can have. (It works in the vice versa, too) So that adds up to women feigning interest and men doing stupid **** to get laid. So even if it all of a sudden became socially acceptable for women to bang dudes in prostitute-like fashion ... it still likely won't happen. It would take a massive shift in supply vs. demand where men are actually getting more sex than they can handle. Only THEN will the women throw themselves at us.
Author loveslife Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Hold on a minute! I am about as far away from sexually promiscuous as one could get. By freedom-loving and adventurous I mean of a non-sexual manner. I like to sit at home and read a book some evenings. But I also like to just pick up and take off or do something spur-of-the-moment without having to worry if I'm making someone feel insecure because I'd rather do that than be home.
confusedcookie Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Yeah, I think a lot of guys like their women that way. can you explain please? does that mean you like your wife to be waiting at home for you, when you come home from work or from your boys? or does it mean she doesn't go out? i'm having relationship problems, and i'm trying to see where i went wrong. i go out with friends, and he says i don't coordinate plans with him first, and doesn't like it that i go out so often, without him so i hang out with him and i feel like a smother him and that i need to give him some room. ugh, so confused.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 can you explain please? does that mean you like your wife to be waiting at home for you, when you come home from work or from your boys? or does it mean she doesn't go out? i'm having relationship problems, and i'm trying to see where i went wrong. i go out with friends, and he says i don't coordinate plans with him first, and doesn't like it that i go out so often, without him so i hang out with him and i feel like a smother him and that i need to give him some room. ugh, so confused. Most guys won't admit it, but the ideal wife is someone who only leaves the house when we tell her too. Meaning ... we want you all to ourselves because we're too insecure to handle you going out and possibly getting hit on by other guys. However, we also need our space and we want the ability to go out and have a good time. If you *really* want to please your man, even if it comes at the sake of your own sanity ... get a harmless hobby. Maybe an all-woman book club or a needlepoint class. Something that you do which is completely nonthreatening to him. Sort of like his poker night at "Daves House". It gets you out of his hair but he's not worried about whether or not you're making out with some strange on a nondescript dance floor. You each get your alone time but nobody feels threatened.
boldjack Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Thanks for the clarification, LL. THAT'S what I thought you meant, but wasn't sure. I think it's great when a woman can have outside interests and is gutsy enough to try adventurous things. The era of the "stay at home wife", is past.
confusedcookie Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 but the thing is doesn't have many friends, so even when i'm not or i tell him to go out, he doesn't phone up his friends. so when he's alone at home, i feel like i should accompany him, or do guys like alone alone time like that? but on the other hand, his friends always seems to call when we have plans, in the middle of driving somewhere, or at a place, and then they call him to go out, but i get mad because i'm like, "we already have plans, you can't ditch like that, it's like you respect the plans we have". and i feel that this has caused some problems, he seems to go out less and less. when i try to get him to proactively try to call his friends when we are doing zilch nothing, he doesn't, and when we have something to do, they call. so what do you men really want? i try to bring him out with my friends, but he doesn't like it and feels uncomfortable. ugh
carhill Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Is there a way to make clear you want to be with someone even if you also want to be free to do your thing? IMO, the key is to make the man feel he is a valued part of your life. That entails more than being a willing sex partner. Does he feel loved, supported and that his partner is interested in him and his life? Sounds a lot like what you might want from him, no? And, are there guys who find it a turn-on when a woman can entertain herself so to speak, takes off and does thing spontaneously and on her own? In a healthy relationship, I would be concerned if she didn't. We all need our personal time to spend as we see fit. Freedom and love of adventure have nothing to do with fidelity and everything to do with bringing one personal happiness which one can share with their partner. New inspiration. So, what's currently on your plate? Give us an example of an adventure you'd like to do. I was thinking of flying to Frankfurt for a day or two. Drink some beer. Looks like I can do it from Cali for about 450 right now. That's what I'm talking about. Crazy stuff
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 but the thing is doesn't have many friends, so even when i'm not or i tell him to go out, he doesn't phone up his friends. so when he's alone at home, i feel like i should accompany him, or do guys like alone alone time like that? but on the other hand, his friends always seems to call when we have plans, in the middle of driving somewhere, or at a place, and then they call him to go out, but i get mad because i'm like, "we already have plans, you can't ditch like that, it's like you respect the plans we have". and i feel that this has caused some problems, he seems to go out less and less. when i try to get him to proactively try to call his friends when we are doing zilch nothing, he doesn't, and when we have something to do, they call. so what do you men really want? i try to bring him out with my friends, but he doesn't like it and feels uncomfortable. ugh He sounds like a bit of a tool. Sorry, can't help ya.
jayOG Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 If she is responsible and I can trust her, for sure. I always have whacky adventures, I like the freedom to do so in a relationship. However, I would also be considerate and make time for the relationship.
carhill Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 He sounds like a bit of a tool. Sorry, can't help ya. Yeah, I didn't see that when I posted. Sounds unhealthy to me. Sorry OP, but your man has some issues.
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