carhill Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 Once when my boys were over (Aged 6 and 8) one of them wanted to play with the 7 yr olds game. He didn't want to share it and my GF said thats fair enough because its his special game and she put it away. Then later on he cracked it because my son was on the PS2 and he wanted to play. I told my GF I would bring my sons Xbox here next time and she said but then there will be fights over who gets to play it. It seems when it comes to her kids they don't have to share but when it comes to mine they have to which isn't fair. The nebulous of incompatible parenting styles. What's really cool here is that the OP and his GF have very similarly aged children and they're all boys, so the OP has substantial experience to draw upon to make his decision regarding compatibility. I would echo another poster's suggestion to drop a line in the Yarra and find another fish
Author trum39 Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Well one year on I thought it might be interesting to post an update... All I can say is that I wish I had listened to those that said...Walk now.. We have finally split up around 3 mnths back but certainly did do the on again off again thing since November last year. With my help she managed to get the 7 yr old "A" now 8 to have a curfew of 10.30pm but he still sleeps in the loungeroom with her. The 4 yr old "M" started school full time so he goes to sleep early now. A had to repeat grade 2 because he couldnt read or write (My 7 year old can read and write really well.) His mother tried to blame dyslexia and ADD and sent him to a physc. But I was not told the outcome and Im guessing it was because she hated to admit I was correct when I told her his problems were that he didnt get enough sleep. So I stopped staying there week nights as I was sleeping alone anyway. She also hated the fact that when my kids were there they didn't put up with her kids wanting and getting their own way all the time. "A" would sook if everyone didn't play his game or the way he wanted too...So She started making excuses for me not to bring my kids over..and then swapped weekends with her ex so we had the kids on opposite weekends. And just to add her ex has a new partner who doesnt accept A sleeping with them and they stopped the habit when hes at their place..he even said to me that its because their mum is too soft that he still needs to have her sleep with him in the loungeroom. So things never really improved and Im glad to be out of that relationship now. She even started telling me that I should only see my kids once a month, that my ex should drop them every second Friday night after dinner and I drop them back Sunday at 4pm..Mind you her ex drops her kids off no later than 8pm and she spits it if he's earlier.. And did not want me talking to my ex at all...even though she and her ex weregood friends....What a nightmare.... So Ive met another girl but thats for another post...
Peaceful Guy Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 ..agree with your girlfriend a plan so she will back you.. does your girlfriend have a problem with the behaviors or is she comfortable with it?
Peaceful Guy Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Well one year on I thought it might be interesting to post an update... ****!
blog Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Yes you shouldn't have been introduced so soon. Yes the kids prob see you as a threat. She is a huge doormat, and may be a passive type that wants you to ~handle her problems. Who knows. Do you feel drawn to help her? If so examine your own tendency to co-dependence. This is a huge, sticky mess. Move on. Now. You deserve better.
califnan Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 When you aren't there - in her bed, do the children sleep in her bed with her? My children started sleeping through the night when they were 4 months old. But my grandson sleeps with his mother .. and has always been afraid to sleep in his own bed. I have blamed the situation on the fact that he was watching horror movies with her at an early age. Regardless, my grandson's mother must get her sleep as well, so I don't care that he sleeps with her.. I do think the children should not be on the bottle (with a nipple) at this age. You know "Dr. Laura" on the radio, always says that people should not remarry until their children are grown. This is exactly the reason. Why should the children be caught in the middle - and have to put up with a step father who wishes to be pulling in another direction - as to how he feels they should be raised. If you are lucky enough to be sleeping with their mother.. you are lucky enough.
Savanna-O Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I think its a bit judgemantal to be calling this lady "weak" being a single parent isn't easy and u do fall by the way side in letting ur kids walk all over u, I've been there. Before I met my hubby I was a single parent to a 4 y/o.. she still had her dummy, bottle, slept in beside me and walked all over me, she had no respect what so ever and it was all my doing. Like u, my partner was shocked at what was going on but didnt like to say anything.. several months past and one night he just blurted it all out, but because he had been bottling it up.. it came out with a lot of frustration. Anywho, that was 4 years ago and we are still together. Sure, he could have walked away.. that would have been the easy thing to do.. but he didnt- he cared for me and in turn cared for my daughter. It took a while because at first I was very protective and defensive, but he made me realize I was ruining my little girl, so out came the dummy, she went back in her bed and I started to place rules around the house- she hated it! but, like all kids, she adjusted. I dread to think what she would be like had he threw his hands up and walked away from us.. I could see the error in my ways, but my soft nature prevented my from doing anything about it. Sure, we still bicker from time to time, he still thinks im too soft.. but we often reach a middle ground. He still doesnt feel right being the one to dicipline, but he does it because he cares how she turns out (no spanking obviously) and she has the utter most respect for him, she respects him more than me! So if u care about this lady- dont walk away. It wont be easy and she may well turn against you at first, but make sure to let her know it is because u care and want the best for her and the kids in the long run. Kids will be kids, they need us adults to giude and correct them, without it they go wild and the parents get stuck in an unhappy rut- if u care enough, be the one to help her see the error in her ways. Good luck xxx
Princess1980 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I wouldnt put up with this kind of behaviour how are you supposed to have a "relationship" if the kids in her bed? i think this is unhealthy for both parents and child, i think the child is far to old to be sleeping in its mums bed and she needs her head looking at! She will have big problems if shes not careful!
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