a fallen leaf Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I really don't know what happened to me, I really need your help, otherwise I'll lose my sleep totally over this. So I've been madly in love with a wonderful man for more than a year now and really happy. But there has been a lot of absence in this relationship. At the beginning, we spent a few months together seeing each other every day, after a friendship phase. Then 2 months of absence. Then another month. Then irregular visits once a week and spending almost all of the weekends together, then me going away going for 6 weeks. Then the same routine, seeing each other at weekends etc. Now he's back but we don't see each other very often because it's exam season. I wonder whether what has happened is the result of us seeing each other irregularly. All of a sudden, I feel my emotions went down. I feel I'm falling out of love, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I keep thinking that I don't feel about him in the same way as before and I can't study. I told him about this, and we decided to have a break for 3 weeks without communicating. My worry expanded and I had to call him. He told me that love is decision and as long as you do what you've decided, your emotions will follow. I'd like this to be true, but I don't know what to do with myself to help me get rid over this intrusive thought. I went to see him, was ok at the beginning and then this feeling (or thought that i may be falling out of love) returned and I felt I was pretending in front of him. He means so much to me, I care an awful lot about him and cannot imagine him not being a part of my life. Yet, this confusion is killing me. What can I do to let it disappear? I cannot imagine being with anyone else. I'll be away for the next few years and we decided that not to make the relationship too tense we'll be writing letters for the first year and then we'll see. I don't know what to do, I'd like to leave being convinced about the feelings I have for him. Or does absence make heart grow fonder? Please, help me, I really don't want to lose this.
allyy Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Hmmm the only thing I could say is probably go back to when you guys met and just try to remember why you love(d) him so much. Maybe since you don't talk that much anymore you kind of forgot what it's like to be around him so just always keep in mind what you like about this guy. Sometimes things happen for a reason, either way I wish you good luck!
KikiW Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 The impression I get is that there has been a distance growing and both of you are allowing the distance to continue growing. Absences are common in LDRs, but the way to combat the feelings of loss or lack of love is by making every effort to stay in communication and make each other feel special. During your times apart, did you speak as often as you could? Did you text each other? Did you tell each other how special you are, and how much you care about each other? Did you send each other gifts, or spend time on the phone watching TV together or anything? It sounds to me like you are mourning a loss, which is why you are sad and cannot concentrate. It sounds to me like you HAVE suffered a loss, but one or both of you are unsure of steps to take to prevent it from being lost completely. Am I right? If so, you two need to have a serious discussion about what you both are looking for out of your relationship. Do you both want it to continue? Do you see yourselves together in 1, 3, 5 years? If you do, then you both need to put in more effort to maintain contact. You both need to try different things to make each other feel loved. Even if it's exam time, there is no excuse for not sending a "hey I am thinking about you, sweetheart :)" message. Good luck
Maggs Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 I worried about this exact same thing when I first was separated from my BF. We hadn't seen each other in months and even though I knew deep down I still loved him, it almost felt like my feelings were a bit dulled. (if that makes sense!) But as soon as we saw each other, we were over the moon happy and in love. I think sometimes for me, it's almost a survival thing. If I spent all my time feeling sorry for myself and being lovesick and not being able to see him--I'd be depressed and miserable. And every visit since then has proved we still love each other, more so now than ever. So what I'm suggesting is before you panic and think you no longer love him, schedule a meeting together. See how you feel when you're together again. That's the true way of feeling like you're a couple again.
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