Jin Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I do not want to stand between my friend and her boyfriend doing long distance. However, for past 2 months, we have been going out and I am stuck between telling her and not.
paddington bear Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Hmmm...thing is maybe she loves the boyfriend. However, the LD thing is always hard to maintain, particularly when someone who is actually there in reality to spend time with her and have shared experiences comes along. You could 'fight for her' and then feel like a total fool when she still stays with her boyfriend, dented pride, anger etc. I think the best way to fight for her is to simply pull back, it's not in a nice position when you're waiting for someone else to 'pick you', she has tremendous power over your emotions then and you feel like you've no control over the situation whatsoever. If she feels that you are not gladly waiting around for her while she hum and haws over her decision, that she can take as long as she likes about it, this might actually move things along quicker - if she doesn't pick you, at least you can start to move on, if she does, well, great. She said she needs space, don't reply to her text message. If she sends you another one, sure, reply but say 'you said you needed space, so I was giving it to you'. By not chasing after her or fighting for her, by simply pulling away she might actually think 'Oh no, I've lost this lovely guy, I'd better make my mind up quickly'. She knows you like her and want her as more than a friend, by staying in touch, it hurts you, but also she knows that you are simply there, waiting for her and gives her no push to choose you or not. Allow her to miss you, allow her to feel that little fear that if she doesn't act fast, you'll be gone forever - this is 'fighting for her' without actually verbally saying anything. Actions speak louder and all that.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Good thing you got here before he erased the rest of his post, PB. I thought this was a girl dating the friend's boyfriend, or something. Why do people do this? Post and then erase everything?
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