Curious-One Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 So i just got done reading the penis size questions and it seems that most girls say its about how the guy performs not the size. I am not worried about the size as i am slightly above average but i would like to know... what makes a guy ...a good lover? I dont have too much experience and i would really love to know what makes a guy great in bed Think about the best lover you had.... what did he do different? What made him the best.. I am guessing its a combination between rhytham, foreplay, oral, and confidence. Change of position is important too i guess...
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 The answers to this question can vary as much as "what's your favorite ice cream flavor." But for me, I like a guy that pays attention to MY needs as much as his own. He isn't all about getting it in as quick as possible so he can get off. He pays attention to the things I like, takes note, and performs whatever it was in the future to make me sigh/moan. He knows when to be gentle and when to be rough. NEVER bites (ugh - one guy did this and I HATED it...I was so turned off) the soft places like my breasts and between my legs. There's a big difference between nibbling (pressure, but teeth most likely covered by lips) and outright BITING. He makes sure that I get equal play with positions that I like, too. And personal preference - I like a guy to be in charge in the bedroom. I like when he pushes/guides me around a little bit. I also LOVE when he gives me verbal feedback. But not so much that I feel like there's a commentator watching the "game," so to speak. I'm also into the dirty talk big time. To finish it off, I do like to cuddle, but do NOT like to be smothered by him after we both finish. We're both sweaty and hot - I'd like to get a breather. But I do still like to have SOME physical contact so I can have that closeness.
itgirlragdoll Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 The answers to this question can vary as much as "what's your favorite ice cream flavor." Completely agree. But I can tell you what does it for me. I like a guy who doesn't mind taking a lot of time to get warmed up. Meaning lots of touching, kissing, feeling, oral sex (for both me and him), etc. As the above poster said, him paying attention to my needs is a turn-on. Sometimes the moment is right for an all-out tear your clothes off and just go at it session, but this is rarely going to be what the girl wants, so I'd spend some time in the foreplay department. It just drives me crazy when my boyfriend not only goes down on me, but gets downright excited about doing it. When it comes time for the actual intercourse, variety is the spice of life. I like a slightly aggressive or dominant man in bed so my favourite positions are doggy style, spooning, missionary but with my legs over his shoulders. However I also love to be on top. Try lots of different positions and get a feel for what she likes. Chances are you'll be enjoying yourself, but make it a priority that she does too. Like the above poster I love being the submissive one in bed so I like a little rough play. But not all women do. So don't even venture into that realm until you've been intimate a few times and are comfortable with and trusting of each other.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 It entirely depends on how attracted I am to him, and him to me - not necessarily just to each other's bodies, but to how much we want to consume each other intellectually, physically, and so on. In other words - if his brain doesn't turn me on, his body and anything he does with it won't either.
AlektraClementine Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Some of the best sex I've ever had started with him stimulating my mind. Not my netherparts.
Sandbag Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Tips and techniques will get you so far but what really will make you an exceptional lover is understanding the psychology of female sexuality. Understand why they like the things they do. The best book I have ever read on the subject is by David Shade. That guy knows what he is talking about (just by signing up to his free newsletter you will learn loads). In my experiences, here's what makes a guy good in bed: Understand that women get pleasure from pleasing youKnowing that deep down every women is a highly sexual creature and craves sex more than you doAppreciate that emotional intimacy is critical. After orgasm a man is filled with chemicals that make him want to sleep. He is returned to the non-aroused state. Women are filled with bonding chemicals and returned to a semi-aroused state. That's why women love talking right after sex. Simply by resisting the urge to fall asleep and chatting and cuddling with your girl after sex will seperate you from the chumps. Seriously - this sounds like such an small thing but it is MASSIVE. You need to understand these little things as a man not for your benefit but for the women's.My rule is to give women at least 2 or 3 orgasms before I have mine. Don't be selfish initially. You WILL be repaid in full later.Learn techniques for stimulating the deep spot and g-spot. If you don't know these then look up the White Tiger Tanra DVDs or get David Shade's book.Ever made a women squirt? Think it's not real and only happens in porn? I can assure you it is possible and women love it. Imagine being able to teach a women to ejaculate who didn't even know it was possible. Trust me, they are going to come running back to you time and time again. I'm not going to go on and on. I've been fascinated in female sexuality for a long time and have made it a kind of life mission to give women intense pleasure. See that makes me feel good. There's loads to learn, so good luck!
JeezLouise Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 What makes sex great for me? Chemistry. And bottom line - we have to kiss really well together.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 In my experiences, here's what makes a guy good in bed: Understand that women get pleasure from pleasing youKnowing that deep down every women is a highly sexual creature and craves sex more than you doAppreciate that emotional intimacy is critical. After orgasm a man is filled with chemicals that make him want to sleep. He is returned to the non-aroused state. Women are filled with bonding chemicals and returned to a semi-aroused state. That's why women love talking right after sex. Simply by resisting the urge to fall asleep and chatting and cuddling with your girl after sex will seperate you from the chumps. Seriously - this sounds like such an small thing but it is MASSIVE. You need to understand these little things as a man not for your benefit but for the women's.My rule is to give women at least 2 or 3 orgasms before I have mine. Don't be selfish initially. You WILL be repaid in full later.Learn techniques for stimulating the deep spot and g-spot. If you don't know these then look up the White Tiger Tanra DVDs or get David Shade's book.Ever made a women squirt? Think it's not real and only happens in porn? I can assure you it is possible and women love it. Imagine being able to teach a women to ejaculate who didn't even know it was possible. Trust me, they are going to come running back to you time and time again. I'm sorry but this is absolutely hilarious.
Rollercoasterr Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 My fiance and I have amazing chemistry together. He pays attention to what I like and genuinely enjoys doing every bit of it. He hates to orgasm before I've had at least 3 or 4 and knows exactly which little spots to touch to make me go crazy. It's like he reads my mind on how fast or how slow to go and does so accordingly to my thoughts. He's just an amazing, amazing partner for me. He also doesn't mind that sometimes I want it 5 or 6 times a day, which is a plus for me. I like being a little submissive in bed(SOMETIMES!), and he likes to be the dominant one(sometimes as well). We always end up having mind blowing-bed banging-pictures falling off the wall kind of hot sex. Seesh I love this man.
jayOG Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Some very good post above. Everything that leads up to sexual intercourse is important... I think chemistry and intellectual connection were listed... Foreplay before...Being perceptive to your partner...Make sure everything is properly lubricated, meaning fingers too... personal hygiene, clip nails, trim/wax hair; jungles scare both guys and girls...Communication, but don't over do it.
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 You people are pretty calculated in your approach. What ever happened to good old fashioned spur of the moment passion?
Rollercoasterr Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Oh, we do have spur of the moment. Spur of the moment sex is often the best kind. Doesn't change his wonderful techniques though, he's still awesome. It's just that sometimes I'll be looking for clothes in my closet and he'll get in there and close the door...the rest is history.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I recently found out that one of my soft spots is getting my ears nibbled. That absolutely turns me on. I think one that thing truly plays before actually having sex is that my partner is willing to please me first at the same time as I do him. It shows that we're both interested in wanting to heat up the bedroom first before actually doing the act. It builds up the tension very nicely so that when we actually have sex, I would scream for him to rough me up. But then that's me.
ilovefreshair Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I totally agree that it varies with all women.. most important thing to make sex great for your partner? Pay attention to her! If something you do causes her to moan or shutter, remember that. Also keep it interesting, you don't have to just stick with a couple "tricks" ... explore and see what else you might find! For me my ear and neck, nibbles or kisses make me melt... Also what a few other people have already said... being someone that she trusts and cares for is like foreplay in itself. I don't have casual sex for that reason, I tried and get zero pleasure out of it so what's the point? I need an emotional connection and chemistry... you can't fake those
Trialbyfire Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 OP, don't worry so much about the mechanics. Instead, find someone who you share killer chemistry with and nature will guide you through the rest. Just don't use the same routine everytime and you'll do fine! jasonv, you don't understand women at all.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Women want a relationship. If they want a relationship with you, they'll take whatever sex they get and will convince both you and themselves that they enjoyed it. You can be the most amazing lover in the world, if the woman doesn't want a relationship with you, she will not be satisfied. However, if a woman really wants a relationship with you, then she will be overjoyed with whatever you give her. Don't believe me, then try this experiment. Walk up to a woman who you know doesn't want a relationship with you and tell her that you want to give her the best and most amazing sex she has ever had. Tell her you will lick her until the cows come home. Now try this 100 times, and see what the percentage is. As the saying goes, women have sex to get relationships, and guys have relationships to get sex. I know this rule doesn't apply to "all" women, but I think it speaks for the majority. If you're being truly honest with yourself, and not trying to find the few exceptions you may know of, you will definitely agree with me. :confused: It's amazing how far off the mark you are. In addition - it's against community guidelines to post links on the board such as what you have in your signature.
westernxer Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Don't believe me, then try this experiment. Walk up to a woman who you know doesn't want a relationship with you and tell her that you want to give her the best and most amazing sex she has ever had. Tell her you will lick her until the cows come home. Now try this 100 times, and see what the percentage is. I prefer the "Scarface" approach in which you flick your tongue at a woman after making eye contact.
bac Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 As for the best sex, the most important thing is a good erection, then... a lot of enthusiasm about the sex and the girl and the last are skills. The skills are a diversity of things that you do and you do them right. I guess if you want to learn skills you should date several older women in 40s for a while and ask them to teach you how to please them sexually.
White Flower Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 So i just got done reading the penis size questions and it seems that most girls say its about how the guy performs not the size. I am not worried about the size as i am slightly above average but i would like to know... what makes a guy ...a good lover? I dont have too much experience and i would really love to know what makes a guy great in bed Think about the best lover you had.... what did he do different? What made him the best.. I am guessing its a combination between rhytham, foreplay, oral, and confidence. Change of position is important too i guess... Tease tease tease! It drives us crazy. Get close to it, then back off. Make us want you to touch it but don't do it right away. Build it up til we can't take it anymore.
boldjack Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Wf is on the mark. Teasing is an integral part of foreplay. A good thing is to cup your hand over her vagina, don't touch it, let the heat of your hand bring the desired result. If done right, with kisses and bites and touching other places, the effect is mighty fine. BTW, Look INTO her eyes, not at her eyes.
bac Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Tips and techniques will get you so far but what really will make you an exceptional lover is understanding the psychology of female sexuality. Understand why they like the things they do. The best book I have ever read on the subject is by David Shade. I am sure the book is great. David Shade makes a lot of money by selling his advice. Unfortunately, he is a man and he knows about female sexuality only from females or his fantasy. Does he even care about the quality of his advice? From what I have read here I can see that all his tips and techniques are false. Everything that he thinks about females and their sexuality is false as well.
White Flower Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Wf is on the mark. Teasing is an integral part of foreplay. A good thing is to cup your hand over her vagina, don't touch it, let the heat of your hand bring the desired result. If done right, with kisses and bites and touching other places, the effect is mighty fine. BTW, Look INTO her eyes, not at her eyes. It's getting mighty hot in here...where is my fan? and you are so right about looking INTO the eyes. ExH's worst mistake.
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