rounder08 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Okay I have been reading this forum and have read some good advice with other people's issues. I then decided to share my experience as I am having a tough time dealing with it, and am lost at what to do. I should warn you, that it's a little complicated and long to read, so I thank everyone in advance for reading it and posting your comments. I was with my ex for two years and we separated in December. It was mutual, as we were at different points at our life, however we both thought that if we were meant to be we would get back together. Anyways, the actual relationship contained a lack of support by myself. She thought the world of me, and I took it for granted. I have always been fearful of commitment and actually could not see myself marrying this girl at one point. I should note that I am not the easiest person to be with. I am sort of like a little kid, and what got to her was that she felt as though she had to take care of me, and gave me all this attention but got nothing in return, which is true. I realized I had a lot of growing up to which is partly why we separated. I also did not feel at that time as much love for her as she did for me. The all of a sudden it hit me. I do not how, or why all of a sudden, but a couple of months later I suddenly realized how much I love this girl. I literally woke up one day and was head over heels for her, thinking of everything she did for me, and looking at how I treated her from an outside view to see how awful I really was. But then it went down hill. As I was uncovering my true love for her, she was thinking that I had moved on because we had not been speaking as much as we used to be. This led to go into my email account. She did not hack into, but she knew my password, and just had to know. She uncovered some nasty things that I said about her in the past to my friends. I'll admit that I was a huge immature idiot in the past and said things just to impress my friends and make me look good. To this day I can't live with the fact that I said all those awful things about her. When she found out, she did not want have anything to do with me. She said I was not the person for her, and I was a slimeball, which was true, but it came at the worst time as I was going crazy for this girl. Anyways, fast forward two weeks of me trying to do everything to get her to talk to me, only to find out that she has been back with her ex for the past couple of months. When I told her I knew about her and her ex, she all of a sudden felt compelled to speak with me face to face. She told me that she had known about the emails for quite some time and was just holding everything back, and that the only reason she was back with her ex is because he was in the right place at the right time. He did some bad stuff to her as well, but she has forgiven him since it happened a couple of years ago. Since we spoke we have been in contact quite frequently and she still tells me she misses me. I miss her like crazy, and the fact that she is back with her ex because of me only makes it harder. I've changed a lot in the last couple of months, and want to prove it to her, but I can't because she is with someone. I like talking to her because it helps ease the pain knowing that she still misses me, and that maybe she'll come back but at the same time I get upset because I feel as if this is a lead on. I can't live without this girl, and I;ve never felt this way before. We are so different yet she is everything that I want. I don't know what to do. Do I slowly pursue her, or completely block her off? I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, please ask questions if anyone needs some clarification. Thank you.
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