herenow Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 In the OW/OW thread there is a very appropriate (for that forum) tread describing how the OW feels. It would not be right for me to post on that thread, so I'm posting here. I will start and anyone can add if they would like. I am the woman who loves you. I am the woman who has your last name. I am the woman who makes love to you and it's more than sex. I am the woman who listens to you. I am the woman who takes care of "our" children. I am the woman who takes care of you when you're sick. I am the woman you sleep next to at night. I am the woman you take out to romantic dinners and vacations. I am the woman you have planned your future with. I am the woman you live with. I am the woman who you promised to be faithful to. I am the woman who had no idea you were seeing another woman or I would have certainly stopped being the woman I described above (with the exception of taking care of the kids). I am a woman who knows her own strength. I am a woman who gave my H a second chance when he showed he was willing to do what it took to make our marriage work. I am the woman who also realized that I needed to make my own changes to be a better partner to my H. I am a woman who has survived infidelity. Please feel free to add
Snowflower Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I saw the similar thread on the other forum and I also held back from posting there. I will add this. I am the woman who could forgive my husband because this painful experience did truly turn him into a better person. I am the woman who also gave my husband a second chance because I knew that he loved me and not the other woman. I am the woman who worked through the most painful experience of my life to become an even better partner and build an even stronger marriage with my husband. I have also survived infidelity in my marriage.
bentnotbroken Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Well I am some years out, but there is something I would like to say; I am the woman who gladly put her life on hold for you and our your children. If your job moved, I loaded us up and supported you. I am the woman who took the blame for 80% of the issues, because I was always told ..."if you only did..." I made those adjustments. I am the woman who put up with your siblings abuse, while my siblings took care of you like you were their blood. I am the one who didn't take a job to be home with like you wanted, so you could travel all over the world for you job. I am the woman who handled all the family events. Vacations, birthdays, weddings, illnesses, deaths, reunions.. whatever. I am the woman who was the yard man, the mechanic, the doctor, the nurse, the driver, the maid, the cook, the housekeeper, the bookkeeper, the trainer, the nutritionist, the referee, the schedule keeper, the time keeper, the lover, the personal shopper, the barber, the decorator, the accountant(though I really suck at this), the teacher, the disciplinarian, the b!tch on demand(to chase away door to door salespeople or haggle over the price of a car), I was the verbal punching bag and ultimately to blame for believing in truth and honesty. I am the woman who not only survived, but thrived. I am the woman who discovered that not only am I intelligent, my advice is sought and appreciated. I am a woman who is getting "hotter" with age(not the hot flashes either:p) I am a woman who is on my way to being professionally and personally fulfilled. I am a child of God and he loves me and all my faults. I am the woman you threw away......Thank you. I am the woman who is a good mother, great friend, loving but tough sister, and much loved daughter.
soserious1 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am the woman who looks at your affair partner and thinks "better her than me" lol, sorry couldn't resist
marlena Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am the woman who looks at your affair partner and thinks "better her than me" lol, sorry couldn't resist I am the woman who feels exactly as soserious1!
Dexter Morgan Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 herenow...very nice. If a MM isn't moved by something like this, then he is truly a piece of s##t. bah.....they are pieces of s##t anyway;) But seriously, very well said. You could then have something about him after the list of you...such as: ===== enough about me, now we get to YOU(speaking to the husband) You are the "man" that could have cared less about his children and his wife You are the "man" that can't be trusted with a 10 foot pole You are the "man" that flushed our vows down the drain You are the "man" that makes all other men look bad You are the "man" that needs his nuts cut off ===== Sorry bout that herenow . But I just had to put a few of those stabs in to your beautifully written post. All that kidding aside, again, it was a beautiful post.
angie2443 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am the woman who takes care of "our" children. I have nothing to add. I just wanted to repeat this because with our first two children, my husband sometimes forgot that they were both our responsibility instead of just mine.
Spark1111 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am the woman who supported you through sicknesses, depressions, and failed businesses while always carrying hope in my heart for a better tomorrow. I am the woman who bore the lion's share of the pain and joy of raising our three wonderful children, even when you could not be there emotionally or financially for us. I am the woman who would never ask you to spend a dime on her if it put our resources for our family in jeapardy. I am the woman who loves you just the way you are. You never had to pretend to be something you are not with me. I am the woman you probably do not deserve to continue to have a future with. But I am the woman who has forgiven you and still loves you as we work toward our second chance at happiness.
itspersonal Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am the woman who believed in you even when you didn't believe in yourself. I am the woman who saw herself thru your eyes and always wanted that to be good. I am the woman who has flaws and made mistakes but never to harm you. I am the woman who made the best of what I had and did the best with what I was given. I am the woman who put up with your attitude, sadness, attitude, meanness, anger, confusion, doubts, farts, burps, lies, stinking thinking, bad habits, horrible comments when I didn't know they were affair based, years of trying to please you and make you happy. etc....and still loved you because I saw the good in between all of these negatives that the other woman NEVER saw in the affair game. I am the woman who cooked your meals every night and waited until you got home to eat herself. I am the woman who showed up even when I didn't want to,,,to support you. I am the woman who loved your touch and snuggles even when It wasn't a good day. I am the woman that you thrilled even tho I knew all your flaws of 24 years. I am the woman who kept herself as pretty as possible even when I came to bed I made an attempt for you. I am the woman who giggled with you and laughed deeply with you. I am the woman who holds ALL YOUR MEMORIES of the last 24 years and WHO MADE US a FAMILY. I am the woman who gave you all I had and more if necessary even when I was dealing with my own turmoil and pain. I am the woman who made mistakes I am the woman who forgot the value of our marriage at times when I was overwhelmed I am the woman who forgave when you forgot the value of our marriage I am the woman who came second to your job and did so knowing it was who you were. I am the woman who really believed my world began and ended with you I am the woman who defended you with family and friends who saw this coming I am the woman who would never had doubt your monogamy I am the woman who gave you herself with total love and belief in who you were I am the woman who was fooled I am the woman who looked the other way even when I knew I shouldn't I am the woman who would never stoop so low as to try to infringe on a family and children using my sexuality and someone else's weaknesses I am a woman of integrity and guts to withstand all that I have endured before, during and after your affair I am a woman who could never excuse myself for doing what your other woman did I am a woman who is better then this I am a woman who loved with all my heart and who honored our family I AM A WOMAN IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD,,, I am the woman you are so lucky to have, faults and all I am better then she could ever be as displayed by her willingness to participate in destroying a family for her own benefit I am the woman who LOVES ALL OF YOU faults and all AND believed you felt the same in the depths of my soul... I am a woman who is so sincere with her vows that I am willing to make this work and swallow my ego to make that happen I am the woman of YOUR DREAMS
so_tired Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am the woman who supported you year after year while you "found yourself" I am the woman who was excited to come home, because I'd see you there. I am the woman who cooked all the meals, did all the laundry, cleaned the house, did everything that needed doing after I got home from working all day. I am the woman who moved "out to the country" even though my job was in the city, because you felt "stifled". Which only added another 2 hours to my already packed day. I am the woman who believed you when you said you were doing "all you could". I am the woman who defended you against any and all who would belittle you. I am the woman who sent her beloved child to live with her father because the two of you couldn't get along. I am the woman you decided to cheat on because I was "too wrapped up in work" and no longer treated you as someone special. I am the woman who is really too tired to really care anymore. I am a woman who could almost undoubtedly survive infidelity, because he wants to come back, but if "survive" means be responsible for everything all the time, and if anything goes wrong it's my fault, then frankly I'd rather not survive it. Thanks for listening.
Author herenow Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 herenow...very nice. If a MM isn't moved by something like this, then he is truly a piece of s##t. bah.....they are pieces of s##t anyway;) But seriously, very well said. You could then have something about him after the list of you...such as: ===== enough about me, now we get to YOU(speaking to the husband) You are the "man" that could have cared less about his children and his wife You are the "man" that can't be trusted with a 10 foot pole You are the "man" that flushed our vows down the drain You are the "man" that makes all other men look bad You are the "man" that needs his nuts cut off ===== Sorry bout that herenow . But I just had to put a few of those stabs in to your beautifully written post. All that kidding aside, again, it was a beautiful post. You're killing me Dex! To be able to look at infidelity from all sides, I agree, these things must be said. Thanks for the addition.
Spark1111 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am a woman who could almost undoubtedly survive infidelity, because he wants to come back, but if "survive" means be responsible for everything all the time, and if anything goes wrong it's my fault, then frankly I'd rather not survive it. Wow! Tootired! How true this last sentence rings for me and my marriage. I often wonder if being a resourceful over acheiver helped set a pattern in my relationship of doing too much for him and demanding too little for myself. To have him cheat with a needy woman who wanted him to rescue her from her dismal life, really opened my eyes to this thought. Yes, we are working on reconciliation, but I have drawn lines in the sand I will not violate for him or anyone. If it is not good for me, I say no. How liberating to assert my own needs and have the expectation they will be met in a consistant fashion as a condition of reconciliation. And whenever I begin to waver, I just think of all the million little acts of kindness and consideration he bestowed upon his damsel in distress and it snaps me right back to me. But it is worth it. Good luck!
bentnotbroken Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 herenow...very nice. If a MM isn't moved by something like this, then he is truly a piece of s##t. bah.....they are pieces of s##t anyway;) But seriously, very well said. You could then have something about him after the list of you...such as: ===== enough about me, now we get to YOU(speaking to the husband) You are the "man" that could have cared less about his children and his wife You are the "man" that can't be trusted with a 10 foot pole You are the "man" that flushed our vows down the drain You are the "man" that makes all other men look bad You are the "man" that needs his nuts cut off ===== Sorry bout that herenow . But I just had to put a few of those stabs in to your beautifully written post. All that kidding aside, again, it was a beautiful post. Love this Dex. :laugh:
Snowflower Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I am the woman who loves you just the way you are. You never had to pretend to be something you are not with me. I like this, spark. Since our reconciliation, I have told my H many times that I loved him for him-for who he really is. I'm convinced the OW never really knew him--he was at such a low point in his life that he now admits he didn't even recognize himself at the time. I guess that is one of the biggest things my H and I learned about our marriage afterward: we learned how to truly be ourselves with one another. It's a great thing.
GorillaTheater Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Man, some of these posts make my heart hurt. And also make me want to run home and hug my wife.
so_tired Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Yes, we are working on reconciliation, but I have drawn lines in the sand I will not violate for him or anyone. If it is not good for me, I say no. How liberating to assert my own needs and have the expectation they will be met in a consistant fashion as a condition of reconciliation. And whenever I begin to waver, I just think of all the million little acts of kindness and consideration he bestowed upon his damsel in distress and it snaps me right back to me. But it is worth it. Good luck! Spark, do you mean it is worth the effort to reconcile? Could you tell me what makes it worth it? I love the man, but he truly broke my heart. I'm just not sure it's worth it to make any attempts anymore. I'm so unbearably confused.
Spark1111 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 First and foremost: Do you still love him? Only you know the answer to that. Secondly: Is he TRULY remorseful, to the point where he is working hard to CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR to become a better man for you? Someone you could once again trust. (Sorry to say, that can take 2 to 4 years. Willing to invest that much time?) If the answer is no to either one of those questions, walk away and mourn the relationship you thought you had, but did not. You will do this anyway. I guess my point is that, regardless what decision you make, you will need to also change: to become a stronger woman who sets clear boundaries and will no longer choose to accept unacceptable behavior from anyone for "love." I know, not fair and not easy to have to work on yourself while going through the devastation of betrayal, but it is a real and important part of the process of healing and becoming stronger for a future, with or without him. I wish you peace as you embark on this most arduous task.
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