paddington bear Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I just posted something about go with your gut instinct as a reply and then just read a reply to another post from Carhill saying that he never ignores his gut instinct that it's served him well. I've recently ignored my gut instinct and let my intellect (stupid brain, what does it know?) over-ride my initial reaction and am now suffering the consequences. I was also talking to someone the other day who said at around the age of 24 she lost her gut instinct and has, since then, ended up in the most bizarre circumstances because those warning signals or 'go for it, this is a good one' signals just don't come through any more. So, I'm wondering, with regards to your love life, anyone ignored their gut instinct and were glad they did as their gut was wrong and it did work out? And who went with their gut instinct and found out later that they were bang on? Basically, is the gut always right?
IcemanJB Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I ignored my gut once recently. Basically it was saying "she seems a little unstable, probably best to pass this up...". Sure enough after we dated for a bit, she turned into crazy emotional crying mess, that confused both of us. To this day I'm still confused how it all broke down. The gut was right!
Lucky555 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I just recently posted about a guy i had previously dated and how he NEEDS to stop contacting me and get out of my life. I took it slow and tried to figure out his motives. Now, I listened to my gut here. My gut said wait this one out and DO NOT jump in. WAIT IT OUT.So I did because something just seemed off. Yes, do listen to your gut. I myself am saving myself a lot of potential heartache. Because i have waited and listened to my instincts i got to see who this guy really was.
Trialbyfire Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 In retrospect, count me in on the "always burned" when ignoring gut instinct. I've become a serious believer in gut instinct and it hasn't led me astray since.
westernxer Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I always tell myself I should've listened to my gut when something goes wrong. LOL
Author paddington bear Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I have always been burned when I ignored it. me too...however, not when it comes to initial introductions to people...then I've found gut can be wrong, people can be a bit socially inept or over the top as they're nervous or whatever, so I tend now to reserve judgement...but even then, it's usually right. It is quite an amazing facility to have when you think about it, I wonder if it's your brain very very quickly relating the behaviour of one person to past events and you think 'God no!' or is it just some animal thing left over from when we lived in caves....
carhill Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 My "gut instinct" prepares me for what's going to happen. That doesn't mean bad things (or good things) don't happen; they do. When they do, I'm simply not surprised and have had a bit of time to emotionally prepare and perhaps make a few quick decisions for self-preservation. Remember the deja-vu scene from the first "Matrix" movie where something is "changed"? That's what I'm talking about. I go "huh? What was that?" And then it happens. It's all part of the energy flow of life I think it's part of the reason I generally trust others; I trust myself to know if/when I need to change that perspective....
BobSacamento Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I went with my gut and now the girl is pudgy lol. Kind of didn't expect that to happen but now my attraction has mostly faded. Would have been even more extremely awkward if we were in any kind of relationship that's for sure.
missmich Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 My intuition has always been pretty good,BUT I have not always been very good at listening to it. I went with what the guy said or what friends said to do or I'd tell myself it was no big deal and I could change the guy (if my instinct told me he was wrong for me) and it never,ever worked out. I got hurt a few times emotionally and almost very badly hurt a few times as well when I didn't go with my gut instinct. Now I listen more and if I get confused I'll try and put off making a big decision for a little while until I can get more of a clear feeling or idea on what I should do.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 My gut instinct has always been right when it comes to the negative, but not always right about the positive. I've been burned when I've ignored my gut telling me to run the other way, but not necessarily burned when my gut told me things were okay.
Sam Spade Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 The whole idea about the 'gut feeling' is whack. I don't ignore in a sense that it forces me to rationally and more carefully evaluate a situation. But to jump to a conclusion just because it "feels"certain way, based on foggy intuition - I'd never do that. So, I ignored it with my current gf and couldn't be happier. My "gut feeling" turned out to be nothing more than my own fears and anxieties. Or gas.
Author paddington bear Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Decision-Using-a-Quantitative-Scoring-System For those who like a more scientific approach..it does say best not to use it for emotional decisions though! What Carhill said "That doesn't mean bad things (or good things) don't happen; they do. When they do, I'm simply not surprised and have had a bit of time to emotionally prepare and perhaps make a few quick decisions for self-preservation." is weirdly true for me anyway. and what missmatch said "My intuition has always been pretty good, BUT I have not always been very good at listening to it. I went with what the guy said or what friends said to do or I'd tell myself it was no big deal and I could change the guy (if my instinct told me he was wrong for me) and it never,ever worked out." I'm trying to not ask my friends now about certain things. My gut might be saying 'yes go for it' but they're all nay-sayers and doom-mongers, so you start to get confused instead of making a decision yourself and what you think is best for you. But also interesting that Sam Spade thinks it's nonsense...went against it and things worked out ok...but then again Sam, maybe that wasn't a bad gut instinct just fear!!!
BlueEyedGirl Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I can't trust my gut instinct when it comes to me at all. It is always negative and many times things have turned out all right even when I had a strong feeling of impending doom. My gut instinct is always spot on when it comes to others though. I can accuretly predict if a couple is going to have LTR or not just by watching them interact for a few minutes (have not been wrong yet). People often ask me for relationship advice for example but my own love life is a mess.
Author paddington bear Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 I can't trust my gut instinct when it comes to me at all. It is always negative and many times things have turned out all right even when I had a strong feeling of impending doom. My gut instinct is always spot on when it comes to others though. I can accuretly predict if a couple is going to have LTR or not just by watching them interact for a few minutes (have not been wrong yet). People often ask me for relationship advice for example but my own love life is a mess. BlueEyedGirl...this is kind of bizarre - I mean, I think it is always easier to look at other's relationships with an outside perspective and see it more clearly than the people involved (nevertheless I wouldn't say that I could accurately predict a LTR or not!), but how do you make a decision about a guy if you always have a sense of impending doom which is not always correct? Just leap in and go for it anyway?
BlueEyedGirl Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I give guys a chance until it is logicaly reasonable to do so. Say if I keep crying over some guy's actions over and over again then I know it's really not good. Some uncertainity at the initial stages of dating/getting to know someone is normal. But still things never work out. This leads me to think if things have never worked out with any guy I dated, then possibly my negative feelings have been correct all along? I have been truly proven wrong with my feelings of impending doom on say work situations. I always do a LOT better with any objective appraisals than what I think. They turn out to be well above average even when my gut feeling is telling me that I am doing so poorly that I am about to get fired due to my lack of ability.
Author paddington bear Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 If I may be so bold, but sounds to me not like a lack of gut instinct, but more a lack of self-esteem - you've well ignored any initial instincts if you've got to the crying over a guy every night stage. Have you not had some kind of instinct when you've met someone, they remind you a little of someone else who hurt you in the past or you feel a sense of wariness for no explainable reason? Likewise with work, you think you're not good enough and are going to be 'found out', when in fact you are good enough and therefore are not fired In fact I would say it goes for both - you somewhere maybe think you're not good enough for any guy you like and therefore attract men who are not right for you - I'm only saying this because someone said much the same to me. I mean, the thing with relationships is that (sigh) they mostly don't work out, for all of us, but I think when it happens over and over again, you end up without any experience of any other outcome other than failure and go into the next one guarded and wary of getting hurt and somewhere at the back of your mind expecting it to fail. It's hard. Anyway...I'm rambling on and hope I haven't insulted you with my dissection of your lack of gut instinct.
BlueEyedGirl Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 PB, Thanks for that. Your response really rings true. I have always had low-self esteem but gut instinct/self esteem are so inteconnected for me that it's hard to tell which is which. You are right that all through undergrad school and grad school I have sort of felt like a "fake" - same is now true with work. That I will be found out and kicked out any second now. Yet in reality I was never even close to failing an exam and have never been fired or even had any warnings etc. And with men, I very rarely like someone so when I do I go well past the point of what's good for me. And yes, with every men I have fallen for I did see the same pattern. Either they were a friend and I wanted more, or they were an ex that has moved on from me, or my boss that feeds me crumbs of attention every now and then. They were all very different but one thing was the same - I longed for more, they never gave me enough, I was constantly in a state of feeling mixture of hope and dread. Always waiting, waiting, waiting for more. Sometimes for months, other times for years. Sadly, I have never had any strong feelings for someone that was truly interested in dating me. Anyway sorry for the rant and T/J.
carhill Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Sadly, I have never had any strong feelings for someone that was truly interested in dating me. Considering you've likely had many such potentials in your life, what is your gut instinct about your own role? Turn the mirror inward. Think about those who were "truly interested" (I take this to mean more than superficial hitting on you) in you and the dearth of reciprocation; the emptiness. Tell me, are you aware of someone's interest in you, even when not obviously expressed? Do you feel it? That's a gut instinct as well. I've been paying more attention to this nuance of late; prior, being married, I ignored it as it was the correct thing to do. When you take in an individual in such a way, do you sense certain parts of them or get a total picture?
Tizzy Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I think I've got a great gut :-D Any time I ignore i pretty much regret it. Every single time I've gone with it, I've really appreciated it and eventually understood why. Especially in my relationships with guys. Which is why, even though it was really hard for me to leave the most recent relationship I was in (listening to my softy emotional heart which wanted very badly to STAY), I decided to go with my gut (which was telling me louder and louder every day to GO, NOW). I think my subconscious picks up on stuff and makes sense of it way quicker than my conscious mind :-)
TheLostBoy Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I didn't listen to my gut instinct, and ended a 7 month relationship, that really had no reason to end. I love her so much (yeah I'm a big *******) so my summer is full of waiting and space giving. It's hard as hell, but I hope when uni starts again, that we both feel that same feeling that was the reason we got together in the first place. But i also have to be prepared for rejection. it will eat you alive if you're not. regardless you will be sad, but I just know that I was meant for her. whether that is now or in 2 years, I just know. because I follow my gut on everything now.
jadziaidaris Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I definitley always go with my gut. I'm an aries, so I'm impulsive that way. One major thing that I can think of is when I was going through my divorce. Right at the very end of things, my ex-husband tried to come back and reconcile after he had been the one who left and cheated in the first place. I had all along wanted him to come back. My knee jerk reaction at the time was to continue with the divorce, however I did sit and think it over for about a month. I had to think about how the families would be devastated, what would happen to our dogs and our property. There was alot to lose by going through with this divorce. In the end I am very glad I went through with the divorce and that I followed my gut. Currently I am dating this man that was a friend for 10 years. My knee jerk reaction when we started seeing each other was that I don't want to screw this up somehow. There were so many other logical things that said it wasn't a good idea to date him, but there was that damned gut feeling. It turnes out, he's really a good guy. So far things are progressing slowly, but well.
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