385 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Ok, I have been dating this girl for a while, and we are a really great match. But there's one thing about her that I really wish were different - her general sense of confidence in herself. For me, the number one thing I'm attracted to in a woman is confidence. Personally, confidence in my eyes, can increase your attractiveness by at least 1-2 points. My girlfriend for some reason just doesn't have that sense of confidence I look for. I compliment her and stuff (like I tell her she's gorgeous and pretty, and also compliment her on the small things), but my compliments only go so far, and sooner or later, she returns back to her not confident self. To be more specific - I just want her to change her body posture - but that's it. I like the way she is and everything about her, except her body posture. Is there a way where I can subtly try to get her to feel more confident about herself and so that she'll sit up/stand up straight and kinda 'walk that walk.' I don't want to directly tell her because that'll probably make her more self conscious, so what can I do to subtly change her body posture without her knowing? Or what would you guys do if you were in my situation. Thanks a lot!
Rollercoasterr Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 You can't change your SO. That's wrong. Either you love her the way she is, or you don't. And building up your confidence isn't something that happens overnight. It takes time. You can't just point your finger at her and say "BE MORE CONFIDENT! NOW!". It's just not going to work that way. If you don't have the patience to work with her and help her "walk that walk", then cut her loose and let her find someone that has the patience. But if you do love her and want to have the patience, then keep up the compliments, keep trying to build her confidence. When it goes down, build it back up. Sooner or later it's going to stay up.
Author 385 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 You can't change your SO. That's wrong. Either you love her the way she is, or you don't. And building up your confidence isn't something that happens overnight. It takes time. You can't just point your finger at her and say "BE MORE CONFIDENT! NOW!". It's just not going to work that way. If you don't have the patience to work with her and help her "walk that walk", then cut her loose and let her find someone that has the patience. I think you got me wrong. I have the patience, I just don't know how. I like her the way she is except for this one thing. Growing up it took me like 3 years to get my general level of confidence up and to have good confident body posture so I know it's not an overnight thing. But I'm a guy, and what boosts my confidence is different than what boosts a girls confidence.
OverThinker Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 So your real question is not how to change my SO but How do I boost my SO's confidence level? Ladies what makes you feel more confident in your selves?
Author 385 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 So your real question is not how to change my SO but How do I boost my SO's confidence level? Ladies what makes you feel more confident in your selves? Well, and change her body posture but that goes hand in hand I guess.
BCCA Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Is she hunchbacked or something? If youre expecting her to do a model walk, or strut her stuff 24/7...its not going to happen. If she has really bad posture, I would decide if it was something I could live with or not. If you can deal with it, just let it go. Seriously, I dont think Ive ever had a problem with a girls posture.
carhill Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Provide a good example. If you inspire her (necessary component of a LTR IMO), your confidence and the way you carry yourself will slowly infuse into her psyche. It's up to you whether you wish to invest yourself to that extent. Your job is to accept her as she is today.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 The only thing you can do in this situation is help nurture her confidence, in whatever way she is most receptive to. Maybe you need to encourage her for things beyond her looks -- her intelligence, talents, abilities. But keep in mind that there is a limit to what you can do. Ultimately, self-esteem comes from within. It helps to be with a partner who loves and accepts you for who you are, but you've got to care about yourself and invest in your own well-being, too.
Author 385 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Thanks for the responses. Well, not necessary 'strut her stuff' but just a good confident posture. No, she's not hunchbacked - I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about when it comes to somebody with a not confident demeanor. I definitely accept her as who she is, it's just confidence is my top thing I look for in people in general. For others it may be money, looks, or whatever - confidence is just my thing. Yeah, I guess I could lead by example and hopefully my psyche will rub off onto her.
Mahatma Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Just keep building her confidence. My girlfriend used to have a lot less confidence also. She held herself well, but was no willing to stand up for herself. She still has trouble sometimes standing up for herself, but I just help her on it. Point out to her an instance where her confidence caused her a problem. Do not directly state it was her lack of confidence, just state what action she did and how that caused the problem. Help her work on her issues, and she will likely help you on your issues.
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