Nikki Sahagin Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 So in the nightmare that is coping, something else has cropped up. I'm feeling irrationally resentful of other couples. When me and my ex were together I thought we were so unique (rightly or wrongly). We had passion, genuine love for each other, we spoilt each other, we just seemed perfect. I look at these other couples who I, again rightly or wrongly, see as less, and feel jealous that THEY should be together, that things are going well for them. I can't be happy for them because I feel they have something that I should have. I treated him well, I loved him so much - and I lost him. Some of these couples I know things about and well they DON'T DESERVE EACH OTHER. Even those that do, I think why do you deserve this happiness and I don't? I know its irrational but I just feel really resentful about it. Is anyone else struggling with this since being single? Also I am in NO RUSH to get back into a relationship but god....it is SLIM PICKINGS from what I can see. That depresses me as well
CaliGuy Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 One of the things about being resentful, bitter or jealous is that it's plainly obvious to other people, especially prospective dates, that you harbor those feelings and they are a huge turn off. You need to figure out a way to make peace with your situation because that attitude will fester into every part of your life -- and push people away.
EmperorR Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I feel the same way I think it's natural after a breakup, the little things you took for granted going shopping together seeing a movie together etc. But on the other side maybe they are jealous of you, don't have to worry about arguements, fights, being cheated on etc. But I know how you feel sometimes I used to get jealous of my sister and her husband sadly, how she got engaged after me married an already expecting her first child. Yet I got cheated on and dumped twice in that timeframe . But that's life, enjoy your freedom for now:)
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I'm hoping its not long-term, its just part of the never-ending thoughts and emotions that bombard you after a breakup. And to be honest right now, I don't even want to draw any man to me. He was the only one I wanted. I only had eyes for him. And now that he's gone, its like any desire/interest in any other man has just disapeared. Men might as well be women the way I have no interest in them! I just hope I meet another guy who can knock me for six.....and be WORTH it.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 I feel the same way I think it's natural after a breakup, the little things you took for granted going shopping together seeing a movie together etc. But on the other side maybe they are jealous of you, don't have to worry about arguements, fights, being cheated on etc. But I know how you feel sometimes I used to get jealous of my sister and her husband sadly, how she got engaged after me married an already expecting her first child. Yet I got cheated on and dumped twice in that timeframe . But that's life, enjoy your freedom for now:) Your story reminds me of my two cousins. They both had long-term partners and plans to marry. One cousin turned into an alcoholic and his girlfriend left him 1 day before the wedding. The other cousin is happily married and expecting her first child. I wonder sometimes how the cousin feels watching his sister have it all happen for her...when his life was supposedly going in the same direction. I'm trying to enjoy my freedom....but I sometimes get the thought that freedom is pretty lonely without someone to enjoy it with.
playlislay Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I can guarantee you that its not long-term. I felt like his for about three months after the LomL split up with me. I work with teenagers, two of which are a couple. I used to get sooo envious of these two.......I still kind of do but it isnt anywhere near as intense as it was over those three months. I couldnt even listen to my mates about their relationships. I felt like covering up my ears singing 'La la la la' ) Im fine now, I think its more of the case of out of sight, out of mind. Im slooooowly getting there :OD
CaliGuy Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Rejoice in the blessings of others. Be happy they are happy! I know it's hard to do but that, to me at least, helps keep me on an even keel so to speak
now_what Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I'm having problems with this too - when I see couples and families together at the mall, the grocery store, Disney World, my daughter's school events, it just makes me so sad to think being with his wife and daughter was not enough for my ex. He left me for another woman after 30 years of marriage and he married her about three weeks after our dissolution was final and took her to the Bahamas for their honeymoon. Last year on our vacation he spent every waking moment on his motorcycle - we were at the Outer Banks of North Carolina - he did not walk on the beach a single time with me or spend any time with the family. He got up, "went riding", came back to the house for dinner and went to bed. When I see couples out doing things together I get so jealous, or maybe not jealous but hurt - why did he not want to be with me anymore? You see couples together laughing and enjoying each other's company, when my ex did not want to do anything with me anymore but chose to be with another.
kizik Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Rejoice in the blessings of others. Be happy they are happy! I know it's hard to do but that, to me at least, helps keep me on an even keel so to speak Much easier said than done. I find that it's hard to be happy for people when they have exactly what I lack and desire. Does the homeless guy feel happy for the rich guy? Does he think, "Good for him, he's so successful"? Nope, he's pissed off and jealous. Nikki, this is totally normal, but to switch topics, I truly think you need to get off LS and get into some sort of intensive counseling. I don't want you to take offense at this at all; but it's clear you are in a lot of pain and none of us here are going to be able to help you like you need right now.
Woggle Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Just enjoy your time as a single and be happy for other people. Being resentful and bitter will only hurt you in the long run.
Citizen Erased Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 Chances are at least one of those people are jealous and resentful of you being single.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Much easier said than done. I find that it's hard to be happy for people when they have exactly what I lack and desire. Does the homeless guy feel happy for the rich guy? Does he think, "Good for him, he's so successful"? Nope, he's pissed off and jealous. Nikki, this is totally normal, but to switch topics, I truly think you need to get off LS and get into some sort of intensive counseling. I don't want you to take offense at this at all; but it's clear you are in a lot of pain and none of us here are going to be able to help you like you need right now. Hey Kizik, no offence taken I've had my 'psycho' moments but overall i'm coping much better. I've got through the worst of it I think. I may go to book an appointment with my therapist just to focus on some more self-improvement, but i've kind of distanced myself from my ex a bit. I don't feel the urge to contact him at all. I'm not even sure i'd want him back if it ever came to that (which I won't). And I don't have that suicidal urge at all anymore. I got through my exam today and at first I was sad I couldn't contact him to let him know how i'd done...but now I just feel proud that i've gotten through the first one when I was so worried him breaking up with me would f u c k up my chances. Doing this alone has made me that bit stronger I know my future comes first Thankyou for your concern but I think at the moment i'm just dealing with pretty normal worries rather than anything that I need any help for. Given its only been a week, i've come through that BAD place that a couple of threads back I was in. I'll let you know if I go to therapy or not! Thankyou for your concern
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